Am I doing the smartest thing with no contact?

[settinuplife]

Hey everyone, My ex and I have been friends since the breakup months and months ago. I'm pretty sure she still loves me and I love her. Our relationship was a whirlwind one, and we dated for 6 mo. and were both very in love. We sorta broke up mutually and remained friends because of issues that are now resolved. She said we will be together in the future. She has dated around alot, I haven't. She was my first very serious girlfriend and it is taking me more time to get over her. Well she wants us to be friends, which I have been and have been there for her and came running when SHE needs me.

 

Well, last week we got on the subject of us and she said "she could never date me again." I was pissed so I went back upstairs to let it all out on an email I sent her about everything that I had bottled up over the months, how I need to heal and get over her, and that not to call me anymore so I could heal and that I tried soo hard to make her happy and that maybe we could be friends in the future, and that I will always love her. Basically a goodbye email. I know I am a good catch and believes she know it.

 

So now I have started no contact by telling her that I want no contact in the email. I felt like I had to tell her that I was going to do no contact otherwise she would still call me every other day.

 

Basically she wanted me when she wanted me and I was always there for her, but I always had hopes that we would get back together (and she knows it) until she said that to me. So did I do the right thing? Is it the best thing to do to get her to reconsider me? She wouldn't want me again if I'm always there at her beck and call while she is dating, right? Maybe once my feelings for her have passed we can be friends, but do you think she'll let me or is she too pissed right now? Will she still be pissed later? She is a stubborn girl. She tried to call the first few days after I started no contact, but I didn't answer. She has not tried since.

 

Is this my best chance?

[sandela]

Yes this is the best thing. It took me a while to do finally that, with the hlep of my best friend. It made all the difference in the world. It was like that day I realized how much time I wasting by letting him in and out on his terms.

 

Put an X on each day through your calendar that you haven't spoken or emailed and I swear that this will work as each day passes. And when you see that days or a week and then more time passes you will feel stronger.

[DN]

You did the right thing but for the wrong reason. You need to assume it is over and use NC to get over her, If she wants to come back then you can decide what you want then.

[settinuplife]

I am definitely using no contact to get over her, but if she comes back - great! Do you all think this is the best way to get her to realize what she lost! If I would have let her continue to have me when she wants me that will in no way get her back right?

 

I think she is pretty mad at me for abandoning her, but do you think after I'm over her she will let us be friends?

[scarface]

Don't you know that the world is mercyless?

And girls can be even more sometimes...

[michelemybell]

No contact is a great way for her to learn what she has lost. But you are always there when she wants. How can she ever realize that? When she knows she can't get you so easily and you become scarce, she will value you more. Sounds strange I know, but it absolutely works that way. Right now she is probably snickering inside, thinking "oh he wants me so bad". Show her otherwise. Have a life completely outside of her. I'm sure she'll be sniffing around in no time. If she doesn't, then at least you've built a life outside of her, which is wonderful regardless.

 

Unfortunately if she comes around to her senses, there's no guarantee that she wont bail again. That's what stinks about this kind of relationship. You can never fully trust that the other person wont bail again. With this in mind, you have to really think about whether you seriously want someone, who is willing to walk away from you just like that, back into your life. I think you deserve better than that.

 

Michele

[ocean9]

settinup,

 

Focus on yourself. Never mind about her. She told you straight out that she won't get back together with you. She told you the truth. Do yourself a favor and listen to her words. She is no longer stringing you along now like she was at first -- and that's good because now YOU can let this hopeless situation go. Going no contact is what you need for YOU right now.

[settinuplife]

We were VERY close, and I'm assuming she is still pissed, but hell I don't want to be her doormat and be at her beck and call when she don't want me back. She is the type though who likes to be friends with all her ex's. It just kills me because we have talked everyday for over a year. She said she had never fallen for someone so quickly before and would have married me when we were dating. Wonder how long it'll be before she really misses me?

[angel1211]

No contact, for me, is the best decision I ever made. Dont get me wrong, its not easy, but it does help in the longrun.

[heloladies21]

Stick to the No Contact, but don't worry how she feels or what she wants or if she'll be your friend in the future. Your feelings are the most important thing right now and you most likely won't even want to be her friend once you're over her. No Contact is the most effective method to get over a relationship. A POSSIBLE side effect is that your ex MIGHT realize what they lost and come crawling back. But hoping for your ex to come back actually slows the healing process a bit.

 

If she went and got another man right after you, she was never serious and never really cared about you anyways. Put an X on her move on.