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My Girlfriend Suggests we should go on a Break

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I'm sorry this is so long but I need to explain the full story so you guys can get a better grasp of things. I just need guidance on this topic as I have very few people who understand my issue and can give reasonable advice regarding it.


So this relationship has been on and off for about a year and a half. We first met in the summer when i graduated highschool. Shes a year younger. We were happy and loved each other deeply. I then moved to my university that was 2 hour train ride away and we were distraut but decided to stick it out. I wasnt really experienced with the whole first year college thing (everyone is looking to ) so i made a terrible mistake when a girl walked into my room and hooked up with me (only kissed). I knew i ed up and i felt like and told my gf the same day that happened and she hated me for doing it but we came back together and things were pretty good. We saw each other every two weeks or so and kept constant communication.


Fast forward a few months. I get accepted to another university thats in a different continent (My program is 5 years long). I get to visit home every 4 months. After first semester we get to meet for 1 month and after second semster we get to meet for 3 moths. That makes for a total of 4 visitng months per year. There is also a 15 hour time difference between us. We think about breaking up but again decide to stick it out.


I finally get to my school abroad and i realize I have no idea what to do and I miss her so ing much. About a month in I decide that we should break it off. I tell her that I'm feeling distant from her when in fact it was the opposite. I missed her so much and there was so much pain for me to bear that I really couldnt handle it. I didn't realize what a real long distance relationship was like. I try and get over her with other girls and activities but i cant brush her off my mind.


We have a period of little communication but near the end of my frist semester i start talking with her again and we can feel that intimate connection growing again. When i get back for 1 month, that fire between us is relit and we decide to try things again. We talk a bit about how to make things work but we never really discussed it. About 2 months in, things are honestly ing great but we do have our occasional fights but I feel like I am in a comfortable place and we work to talk often with each other but because of the time difference its hard to talk more than once a week. We maintain contact mostly through text and snapchat. Then comes the day where I have this ball for my university program. All my friends go and we drink a tonne. I am absolutely plastered. Coming back home i share an uber with a girl (that is a close friend) in my class and her place is walking distance from mine. I try and get to my place but i see i lost my key and its 4 AM so in my head i thought it would be a move to try and wake up my roommates to open the door so im trying to find a way in and shes like yah you can come to my college and sleep on a seperate mattress on the floor and im my intoxicated self was like yah sure. So i do that and im lying down and im pretty horny. Not for the girl but just in general. I lie down on the mattress and she comes and lies down on my mattress on the floor (even tho she has her own bed) and she squishes her butt against me. She then turns around and touches me up and im kinda enjoying it but i snap out of it and tell her no we cant. She then quickly goes back to her bed and i sleep it off. Then comes the next day and i have a massive hangover and i feel like i betrayed my girlfriend for coming to this girls place and letting it get this far. I tell her the entire story from start to finish and she gets really upset and thinks that i did stuff with that girl. I honestly dont blame her for thinking that, given the circumstanes. She is distraut, her trust for me is absolutely demolished and we have a period of two weeks where we dont know whats going on, after which, she breaks up with me. I dont blame her but it was unfortunate given that I had actually done nothing and she refused to believe me.


The effect of this breakup took a serious toll on me. I questioned my actions of why I would do such a thing. I questioned whether or not I am a good person. Needless to say i went into a month long period of depression (actual depression not a joke). I lost everything that I was as a person. I had about 3 meals a week, didnt do dishes, hardly comminucated with anyone, and I cried alot. During that time me and her still talked but I was an absolute mess. Our parents were pretty close and her mom liked me alot so i decided to confess what i did to her in hopes of talking to someone that would understand me. I talked to my own parents as well. Her mom and my parents believed me and were upset with the whole situation as well and tried talking to my gf but my gf wouldnt listen. After that month i felt absolutely pathetic and i didnt want to feel sorry for myself anymore. I decided to pick myself back up. There were lots of times where the heartbreak got to me but I used gym and occupying myself with different activities to help ventilate that stress. Her and I still talked alot and we clearly liked each other alot but she just was too angry at me and had little to no trust in me as she took the first incident and this incident as a generalization of who i am. During these last months, I focused on seeing my faults and rebuilding myself. I needed to fix the image of myself and make sure such a situation never arises again because honestly temptation is such a hard thing to deal with. Like so ing hard. During that time i also went with other girls and tried to kick thingsoff but it wasnt really great. So i never really follow up with any of them.


Then comes the time where I come back Home for 3 months. She told me before coming that we cant hang out anymore and that we should limit how much we contact each other so we can move on. I tell her okay but as we get closer to me coming back home we start feeling that connection again and she really starts to miss me and we start talking alot more. I tell her to come over and we do a bunch of activities like cooking dinner for everyone and we watch a movie. Things strictly friends would do but I can feel that bond growing. So she told me she only wants to hang out with me a few times but we pretty much started hanging out 2 times week: At my place, out for food, out shopping, doing activities. We never did anything like kissing or sex but we felt that connection growing. She then comes over one day and she needs help with homework and so i decide to help her and out of the blue i kiss her. I dont know what came over me but we kissed and like that boom that fire was reignited. we kick things off again but things seem a little different. She seems like shes a lot more hesitant to commit. She says she forgives me and understands that the distance does this to people. she apologized for how she acted and said she was just so angry with me. I didnt blame her i accepted it and I knew she was being so reasonable with me. I try and speed things up as it gets time to leave again and she seems reluctant but when i leave i feel okay about things. One important thing is that we never really talked about how to deal with the relationship before I left.


When i get back to school abroad, i see that things seem a lot different than before. I start to exhibit a trait that i never really felt before and that was insecurity. I tried to keep my cool but it sometimes got to me and i would say stupid things and be jealous when she went out. As well, She seemed really hesistant to fully commit to loving me. Like she texts me and we say nice things and have nice convos but like she hardly sent me pictures and it feels like i was forcing all the convos. About a month in I ask her whats wrong and shes like nothing its fine. (Shes really hesistant to talk about serious things over the phone idk why but she just is). so i send her a massive text basically saying "I know weve had a lot of troubles in the past but this relationship marks a new time for us and I really cant be the only one committing to it. I need your support too" and she then replies with this massive paragraph aobut how she really feels. She says that she loves me deeply but just doesnt know what to do. She said that when i came back home there were alot of time where she didnt want hang out but she sort of pushed herself to. However, She is glad she did as she enjoyed every minute with me. However, she feels like she cant completely commit because of the distance and the trust issues we have. she says its the distance that makes her feel that way. One thing to note during my entire relationship my girlfriend never really opened up with me about these feeling as she was more of a person to bottle things up and let it passm, so this felt like a big step.


I then told her I was really sorry for the way i acted about being insecure and I understood completely the issues she has with trust/distance. I told her that letting these feelings out was a big step in the right direction I told her we should really figure out a plan of action. I explained how I have worked so hard to change and improve myself for her and she says shes noticed and shes sorry. After that convo we sorta decide to get more commited. We decided to start sending each other pictures, be more there for each other so on so forth. Within that time span, I get ride of my insecurities.


About two months in, Things are pretty fine and we are going well and then comes april fools. She sends me a text saying she went on a date with another guy and she really likes him. I was honestly really shocked (and deeply upsetted) and i asked her calmy and nicely why she did it and what was happening. She then burst out saying that it was april fools. Given the distance and stuff and how i just got over my insecurities it was hard to deal with the fact that it was a joke. I told her it was funny but kinda uncool given our circumstances. She apologized but then followed it up with "Now you know how i feel". I got really angry from that but i let it go and took as a way that she is moving on.


Following that things started going okay but had a small little argument where i got heated and started to spout things and during that she keeps explaining how i should stop limiting myself to her only and explore other options. She says how a person my age shoud be exploring and I explain that i had thought about it and i want to be with her. She then goes on and on and she says maybe we should take a break. She tells me we can discuss it but she really thinks we should go on a break. She told give a few days to think about it. So i did. I thought about it deeply. (It is also important to consider that I am halfway through semester 1 in second year of uni.). We then had a talk the other day and we really went into depths about our options and she said she wants to take a break because its best for both us. We can reconsider things when i come back but for now she just wants to be best friends. She says she doesnt want us to get in the way of each other if we meet others. I tell her I know how shes feeling and that this is a this feeling is a panicked feeling you get and its normal and will pass. I ask her if she has anyone in mind and she tells me straight up no i have no plans for anybody its just something we should do in case. I tell her that we shouldnt throw away what we have now for something "just in case" and she agrees but still feels that we should do it.


We then talk more in depth and she says she agrees that we have a lot going and that it would be good to stick it through and she agrees that shes overall happy rn but she also thinks its a good idea to try and take a break for now. I. I told her lets stick it out for another week and see how we feel about things as this feeling is likely just a panicked feeling and will likely passs. She happily agreed but noting that she still feels I should still consider going on a break too. We ended the facetime there. She smiled at me, and blew me a kiss and said i love you. She messaged me after saying it was a good conversation.


I dont know how to feel about this situation as I have two feelings about what is happening.


My first one is that she doesnt want to go through the same pain she went through when I slept at that girls place. She still has trust issues and she says the distance kinda makes things alot harder. She also says how she feels frustrated and confused a lot of the time. She says things are sort of getting better but she thinks its best for both of us we take a break for now. Her suggestion of us just being best-friends doesnt work for me as I told her I cant love her if she just wants to put me in that place. She says you can still love your best-friend. I told her thats just unfair to me that you go do stuff with others and i still love you. She had no reply to that. She said she still strongly thinks we should be best-friends but she will take this week to sit it out see how things are and at the end of the week we can have another convo if she feels its needed.


My second feeling is that she is trying to soften the blow for a break-up. She seems very hesitant on whether to fully commit so thats why its a suggestion and not just a plain "we need to go on a break".


I honestly need advice on what to do. She is very reasonable and its very clear she loves me still but i feel like she also wants to stop this hardship from long-distance. She is very malleable and a tough-cookie so she can work things through if she gets the guidance needed. I just feel that she doesnt know what to do and the people she look up to for advice dont understand the intricacies of LDR. I know that it looks like Ive just been going from negative to negative but i cant fully explain everything without writing an essay for you. Overall, things have been really good its just she's a little hesistant. I work really hard to put everything into perspective for her and make sure she gets the love she needs and I feel to an extent she does that for me too but shes a little hesitant to fully commit.


What do you people think is going through her head and what exactly should I do to try and prove to her that a break isn't the best option for us. My girlfriend is open to suggestion and is willing to work with me but. We both do agree its just waste to let things go halfway through my semester given that we will be seeing each other so soon but she also seems to strongly believe that going on a break is a good option. I just need some suggestions on how to best deal with this situation such that we both stick together and get over the existing problems (trust issues and frustration over distance)


I know that that if we do go on a break, I will have to let go of her this time as it's honestly just so hard to maintain those feelings i have for her and just be a friend. When i explain that to her she doesnt understand and keeps explaining we can still be best-friends and you can still love me as a best-friend. However, I can't keep living on with this distance thinking of her with others. I have to either completely commit or completely let go. Theres no half-way. I know i've done stupid and i take full responsibility for it. This post isn't about my past errors but what I can do now that they have happened. I am not a cheat or an . I care for her deeply and I have worked tooth and nail to make sure I dont make those same mistakes again. It's just hard to deal with all these factors that are amplified because of the distance.


As an additional note: Open relationships and similar things are not an option for me as I have a strong belief they ruin the integrity of the relationship.

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Can you give me a shorter Verizon, and then I'll reply?


As a general rule, without having read what you wrote, a break leads to a break up.

My ex just did that to me. Let's take a break and be friends. He came back 10 weeks later but 4 1/2 months later, only chit chat no getting together. So be careful.

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It takes two to repair a relationship....my advice is to invest in a professional couples counselor. The problem is you both don't communicate properly...and there needs to be some growing up to do because you haven't been making very good choices...like you just can't help yourself. You need to figure out why for loving her isn't stopping you from doing it.

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My guess is that she is going to break up with you, and that she does indeed have someone else in mind. When a girl tells you that you shouldn't limit yourself to her, it's usually because she isn't planning on limiting herself to you. Those aren't the words of a woman in love. Those are the musings of someone who has already emotionally left the building.


You two are young, very far apart and have had some big hiccups along the way. There is much more working against this relationship than for it. Unfortunately, trying to convince her to stay when she clearly doesn't really want to is futile. A week or a couple months isn't going to change the circumstances of your situation. You were right to say no to staying best friends, as that won't be possible in the event of a break-up. She is trying to soften the blow there. She doesn't want to hang on to a boyfriend she rarely sees and doesn't trust, to be blunt. A break-up (which is really what's going on here) might not be the best option for you, but she doesn't feel the same way unfortunately.

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You guys can not handle the distance. That's normal. You are both very young don't have a bunch of experince in relationships. It's way to much to ask that either of you could stick out this kind of relationship at that much distance for that much time. Don't fully commit to an On and Off type relationship with a five year time line until you can be in the same country again, with questions of opening up (that you clearly do not want to do) when you are 19 years old. Break ups suck, they hurt and you can break up with someone you are in love with because the situation isn't going to work. But keeping a relationship that isn't working for either of you will suck more, you'll end up hurting each other more.

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