Trying to move on

[lbax0]

My ex and I broke up 2.5 months ago, and he started seeing someone right away. He told me he wanted to get with her before we started, but couldn't because she was in a relationship at the time. I know I shouldn't be checking up on him, and I haven't as I have him blocked on social media, but a friend of mine recently told me that he broke up with the girl last week.

 

I thought it was odd because a day before they broke up, I sent him a goodbye email (I did this for my own healing) and he responded telling me that he doesn't have any negative thoughts towards me anymore (he told me he couldn't remember any good memories and only has negative thoughts towards me ~1.5 months ago). I didn't respond to the email as the whole point of the email was me closing the door on our relationship so that I could move on. Was that a good decision? Did he break up with her because of my email? I read something about reverse psychology and even though that wasn't my intention, I feel like it had something to do with it.

 

I probably should continue on like nothing has happened, but this recent news has got me wondering if he's gotten back to reality. He told me that he told her he loved her 2 weeks in and he knew it was real love because she did things I didn't do for him, but after 5 weeks they're broken up. All the signs lead to it being a rebound relationship, but that doesn't matter. I feel like all the harsh things he's said to me after the break up was because he was emotional, since you clearly can't love someone after 2 weeks of knowing them, and he clearly doesn't think badly of me anymore.

 

When I found out that they broke up, it set me back in my healing because I figured he came back to his senses and would reach out, but he hasn't. I don't know what's going through his mind, I feel like he could be hurt and be feeling embarrassed/needs time or like he can't come back and fix things because there is too much damage or because he really doesn't love me anymore.

 

I just keep telling myself that I shouldn't need to convince someone to be with me, and that I need to stop thinking about this because he probably doesn't love me anymore or want to be with me because if he did, then he'd be reaching out by now. It would just really help if he would just tell me what's going on and communicate with me.

[GoodGumbo]

He broke up with you for another girl and told you as much... I wouldn't care what his thinking is, if he threw you over like that once, he will again. Don't get sucked back into his bull. Just let go and move on. Resolve yourself to the fact that you are moving on and just don't respond to any future communication from him. Take responsibility for moving on and keeping out of a dead end relationship.

[lbax0]

He broke up with you for another girl and told you as much... I wouldn't care what his thinking is, if he threw you over like that once, he will again. Don't get sucked back into his bull. Just let go and move on. Resolve yourself to the fact that you are moving on and just don't respond to any future communication from him. Take responsibility for moving on and keeping out of a dead end relationship.

 

He didn't break up with me for another girl. I broke up with him and when I wanted him back, he didn't want me back and was talking to her. I think she was a rebound.

[Iggy5129]

He told me he wanted to get with her before we started, but couldn't because she was in a relationship at the time.

 

Wow, what an ahole. Seriously, this tells you everything you need to know. Keep ignoring him and keep on moving on. He is not someone that is worth your energy. There are way better guys out there.

[smackie9]

There is only a need to reach out and communicate if there is reconciliation. You two are not in that process....you are broken up and adjusting to being without each other. He still loves you, but is not IN LOVE with you. There is a difference. The dust has settled with him emotionally and has made peace with the breakup.

 

It's possible he doesn't know what he wants, but it is best for you to not focus any of your thought on him as hard as that sounds. You have your closure now, focus on you by keeping busy, go out lots, rekindle old friendships, try new things, volunteer, spend time with family, redecorate your surroundings, etc.

[lbax0]

There is only a need to reach out and communicate if there is reconciliation. You two are not in that process....you are broken up and adjusting to being without each other. He still loves you, but is not IN LOVE with you. There is a difference. The dust has settled with him emotionally and has made peace with the breakup.

 

It's possible he doesn't know what he wants, but it is best for you to not focus any of your thought on him as hard as that sounds. You have your closure now, focus on you by keeping busy, go out lots, rekindle old friendships, try new things, volunteer, spend time with family, redecorate your surroundings, etc.

 

Why do you say that he has made peace with the breakup?

[MissCanuck]

I don't think this was a rebound, necessarily, because he always wanted to try things out with her. My guess is that their break-up and your email are two two events that likely have nothing to do with each other other than they happened to occur at the same time. I would also wager he's telling you now he has no harsh feelings because he just ended it with the new girl and is looking for some attention and validation from you.

 

Why did you break up with him, and why are you wanting him back if you previously ended it?

 

Also, I am curious how you know the intimate details of their relationship (i.e. when they exchanged "I love you" and the like)

[SooSad33]

It would just really help if he would just tell me what's going on and communicate with me.

 

What do you mean... and why?

 

Even if he has come to his senses.. you dont want someone who is so messed up right now.

 

Keep your distance. No, he didnt 'love' her. It's lust.. in the beginning.

But that of what he is doing is none of YOUR biz... right?

 

Yah was like a rebound.. they get involved soon after.. fast & it ends just as fast.

 

How long were you together?

[smackie9]

Why do you say that he has made peace with the breakup?

 

Because you posted this: "he responded telling me that he doesn't have any negative thoughts towards me anymore"

 

 

He hasn't contacted you because he doesn't want to......it's over, please let go and move on.

 

 

You made the right decision to dump him, don't look back.

[lbax0]

I don't think this was a rebound, necessarily, because he always wanted to try things out with her. My guess is that their break-up and your email are two two events that likely have nothing to do with each other other than they happened to occur at the same time. I would also wager he's telling you now he has no harsh feelings because he just ended it with the new girl and is looking for some attention and validation from you.

 

Why did you break up with him, and why are you wanting him back if you previously ended it?

 

Also, I am curious how you know the intimate details of their relationship (i.e. when they exchanged "I love you" and the like)

 

There are a few reasons why I broke up with him, but with the time that we've been apart, I've realized that those reasons don't matter. Everything with our breakup happened very quickly and seems like it was a rash decision on both ends.

 

In the email I said that I love him and want to be with him, and if theres a slight chance that he still loves me, it doesn't have to be like this. However, if he feels like this new girl is right for him, and wants me to let him be her, I will. I also told him that I realize he doesn't want to talk to me (since he hasn't reached out) and I respect that and am moving on. I feel like he realized she isn't right for him and that's why things ended but maybe it really doesn't have anything to do with it.

 

When I dropped off his stuff, he texted me after saying that he wanted to meet up to talk about our breakup (never happened) and saying stuff about how he's happier without me and how he told her he loved her already. He was basically rubbing everything in my face. I wanted to be the better person and told him that I was happy for him but wanted another chance. He joked about giving me one and then said "tbh, relationships don't work out the second time, once you're done, you're done no matter how much each person wants it, its never the same".

[lbax0]

It would just really help if he would just tell me what's going on and communicate with me.

 

What do you mean... and why?

 

Even if he has come to his senses.. you dont want someone who is so messed up right now.

 

Keep your distance. No, he didnt 'love' her. It's lust.. in the beginning.

But that of what he is doing is none of YOUR biz... right?

 

Yah was like a rebound.. they get involved soon after.. fast & it ends just as fast.

 

How long were you together?

 

 

Everything happened quickly and in the heat of the moment, I'm not sure how he's feeling or what he's thinking. He brought up stuff about not wanting to try again because he doesn't think it will work the second time and he also brought up stuff about how he doesn't feel like he's enough for me. However, he also said he didn't love me and is happier without me (but this was when he was with the girl that served as a distraction). I think he didn't mean it when he said he didn't love me because I would say "i love you" and he'd say "I don't love you, and I'd say "I miss you", and he'd say "I don't miss you. Kind of like how someone talks when they're hurt.

 

I just don't know what to think although I know I probably shouldn't care/think about these things, it's hard not to.

 

We were together for 15 months.

[SooSad33]

I would suggest to let it be.

No more contact.. prying at him.. nothing more.

 

IF he wants to try again, he knows how to get hold of you.

 

If he messed up.. someday he may have regrets.

 

Sadly... they can 'miss us', but doesnt mean they will come back :/.

 

Hard... I know.

[lbax0]

I would suggest to let it be.

No more contact.. prying at him.. nothing more.

 

IF he wants to try again, he knows how to get hold of you.

 

If he messed up.. someday he may have regrets.

 

Sadly... they can 'miss us', but doesnt mean they will come back :/.

 

Hard... I know.

 

I will let it be.. it's just so hard when I get the urge to reach out, I miss him. :(

[SooSad33]

I know.. it is hard :(

Same here... where you go from talking to them regularly.. to nil.

 

Instead.. vent it out by journaling.

I have my word pad going a lot.. on all that is going thru my mind I really want to say to him.

[HeartGoesOn]

My ex and I broke up 2.5 months ago, and he started seeing someone right away. He told me he wanted to get with her before we started, but couldn't because she was in a relationship at the time.

^

Are you willing to take on the role of sloppy seconds a second time? I'm sorry, but you were simply a convenient temporary distraction to play with, until he was able to catch his prey.

 

Sleeping with him will not win him back, yet in short, it will only destroy your self-esteem.

[lbax0]

If he hasn’t reached out by now (a week after his relationship ended), he probably won’t ever, right?