Why do I have no sexual interest in my boyfriend?

[anonjoy]

I'm seventeen years old- which I know is young to be worrying about things like this. I've always been taught that you should want to have sex with your partner, but I just don't seem to have any desire or interest. I've been with my boyfriend for a year, he's not a virgin and I am. I've been quite open with him with saying that I just don't feel ready, and he has been patient. However, it is getting to the point now where it is creating an obvious problem.

I'm trying to make myself want it or feel ready, but I just don't. I'm emotionally very mature, which makes it even more strange that I feel this way. I'm also moving away to University in September, so I don't know whether this is some subconscious way of me clinging onto my childhood?

Anyway, for the time being, I'm perfectly happy with a platonic relationship, but I'm can also understand my boyfriend's angst and confusion. I guess that I don't really know what to tell him- I don't know whether the issue is him or me. I'm also scared that I'm always going to be like this and that it's not 'normal'. Schools seem to spend to much time teaching you how to cope with being sexually active which normalises it, instead of teaching that everyone is different and reacts differently to relationships. I guess that I'm just really confused and could do with some reassurance.

[Giblesp]

Take your time, absolutely no rush. Wait until your a bit older, its better that way on all levels.

[boltnrun]

You seem to be having a lot of issues with this boyfriend (based on the fact that you have three active threads about problems with him).

 

Why do you stay with him then? What is it about him that binds you to him?

[ThatwasThen]

Do you have sexual urges at all? Are you completely chaste with no sexual play at all?

[DanZee]

Well, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin and taking your time. We've had people 30 years old and more who were still virgins writing in. However there are several things to consider.

 

Some young women don't think about sex until they've had sex. Guys start whacking off as soon as they hit puberty, but some girls seem to fantasize about romance and love instead of sex until they have sex. Sex releases oxytocin which is the cuddling hormone. And if you haven't been exposed to it yet, then you don't know you're missing it until you actually do get exposed to it and then miss it.

 

And it may take some time for women to enjoy sex once they've had sex. There can be psychical and psychological reasons for this. Everyone's different.

 

And then, if your sex drive is actually low, low dose testosterone improve the sex drive in women.

 

But as boltnrun pointed out, if you have a bad boyfriend, that can be the main reason for a lack of a sex drive.

[jerbare1959]

If you do not desire him- by all means wait for someone that makes you wanna get naked. If u find that man - u will be an amazing partner