Is this guy teasing me? Or is it all in my head?

[Kfizzle]

This wouldnt make sense unless I just said this: so this guy is my roommate, annnnd I like him. Our other roommates confessed to me the other night that they can feel the energy and, ahem, 'tension?' , between us just from the way we talk and how we look at each other, and I was told that he does like me and from what he told them, they're pretty sure he is interested. Everything was made clear to me from them on a drunken night, (and the next morning, when I confirmed with them) so he knows. And I know. They are pretty sure he likes me, from what he told them. We are both very shy and reserved, so we like our own space and get tired if we are around people (including each other) for too long. Sexual jokes were made at the expense of he and i on the same drunken night, and 'Are you guys official yet?' Was asked to us directly, before anyone got too drunk. We were both nervous and uncomfortable at the questions, but we were both chill and deflected. NOTE: He has always found ways to tease me and we flirt and banter quite a bit, and we get along rather well.

 

Last night he came home and I had my bedroom door open halfway. He greeted me before he went into the restroom (which is directly next to my room), asked me about my day... Well, once he came out of the bathroom, I reciprocated the question back to him. I looked over to him from my desk in my room a few seconds later to see him right in front of his bedroom door, casually removing his belt buckle in my line of vision. He did this as he was responding to my question. He's never done this before, and yes, while i realize that the act of someone removing a belt is not that big a deal (its nothing, actually, and we all want to remove our belts and shoes as soon as we get home right? So its not the act itself, but a belt *is* slightly different than shoes), but its just the timing at which he did this. I'm thinking, Damn, couldnt he have removed that when he was in the bathroom just now? Needless to say, seeing him walk over to me to talk, while holding his belt in his hand, was admittedly pretty hot, I'm not going to lie, and it had me feeling some kind of way, i guess. Does anyone else see the timing of his act as a form of teasing/flirtation, Since he knew very well that my bedroom was open, and that if I liked him, i would be looking at him do this?

[reinventmyself]

Based solely on how you just described this I have to ask, what are you looking for?

Looks, tension, drunken texts, removing belts. . It all seems pretty hot and moving towards a hook up maybe? Is that what you are after?

[Kfizzle]

Nope, no drunken texts. I actually rarely drink, and it was just that one night with everyone in the house that things just kind of came to the forefront when they brought it up to he and i. We actually have only hung out one-on-one 1x (it was that same day, actually) and our other roommates were saying they could sense the chemistry between us. He would laugh at dumb things i said, and we would just act like complete fools around each other. we're already planning on going out again, and we have completely opposite schedules.

 

I would like for it *not* to be a hookup, i would like to actually date him, and as much as all the excitement is getting me going, i just know i'm not one for casual sex. To be honest, I dont know what he thinks. We have completely opposite schedules, too. so i can never talk to him for more than a few minutes a day during the week and we wait to talk on the weekends. It just seems We really have a genuine chemistry, and i dont want to mess up the chance of a genuine friendship, if a friendship *is* by chance all he's thinking of this as (which would be perfectly fine).

[DancingFool]

Honestly....all I got from your post is that you reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy neeeeeeeeeed to get laid like asap because you are starting to get a little crazy from all the pent up tension.....I jest....kind of....

 

Honestly, this is kind of why you don't want to have mixed sex roommate situations. It can make things very weird and awkward. Suppose you do get involved or sleep with him and a month later it's over and he is bringing some other girl around that he just totally fell in love with. Do you see the mess? It's ye olde don't pee in the same bowl you drink from.

[reinventmyself]

I wish I had a crystal ball.

Time well tell. Just be patient.

[Kfizzle]

Lol I know. Its been a couple years. We're both chill though. Neither he nor I have ever brought anyone home in our 4+ months living here, so we've pretty much melded ourselves into the single life lol. But yeah, i do need to get laid. *he has told me,this, btw, that he hasnt really dated in a long while. But yeah, he does do other subtle things, and he also asks me if any of my friends are guys, and I try not to over analyze anything that happens between us, but the belt thing just kinda seemed intentional, and prompted me to ask this question, so Idk. Hes moving soon too, so perhaps that's why he's really wanting to hang out more before he leaves.

[Kfizzle]

I shall, I shall. Thank you. :)

[DancingFool]

Lol I know. Its been a couple years. We're both chill though. Neither he nor I have ever brought anyone home in our 4+ months living here, so we've pretty much melded ourselves into the single life lol. But yeah, i do need to get laid. *he has told me,this, btw, that he hasnt really dated in a long while. But yeah, he does do other subtle things, and he also asks me if any of my friends are guys, and I try not to over analyze anything that happens between us, but the belt thing just kinda seemed intentional, and prompted me to ask this question, so Idk. Hes moving soon too, so perhaps that's why he's really wanting to hang out more before he leaves.

 

Well, if he is moving out soon, then maybe it's worth pursuing something here. Just be honest about what you want. Don't pretend that just being pals is all cool when you really want to tear his clothes off and have your way with him, OK? Pursue what you want. Better to get rejected so you can get over your crush and find someone else than to play friendzies while getting more and more attached and then....moving on from him will really suck for you. Don't torture yourself.

[Kfizzle]

Well, if he is moving out soon, then maybe it's worth pursuing something here. Just be honest about what you want. Don't pretend that just being pals is all cool when you really want to tear his clothes off and have your way with him, OK? Pursue what you want. Better to get rejected so you can get over your crush and find someone else than to play friendzies while getting more and more attached and then....moving on from him will really suck for you. Don't torture yourself.

 

Honestly this is better advice than what my best friend gave me lol. Thank you for that. She wants me to wait until he makes a move, but hes so reserved and to himself that I'm not sure that it will happen. Its as though you took the words right from my mouth. I really need to not torture myself over this. It just may end up not being worth it. This has never happened to me in a roommate situation before, either. I'm just not sure how to go about it without scaring him off lol, i don't fare very well with rejection, and im really prideful, so keeping quiet and never letting him know may almost be a better outcome than getting rejected. I just dont know...i do genuinely enjoy his company, so even though the friends thing was a bit of a copout of an excuse for me staying quiet, I just really do like him as a person and we have bonded really well, albeit not physical bonding, but...y'know. 😂

[DancingFool]

Well...I mean scaring him off is kind of a myth. When someone is into you and they find out that you feel the same, it's not scary, it's awesome. Best feeling ever. It's only scary when you don't feel the same....in which case....it's kind of good that you "scared" them off because you can move on to someone who is into you.

[Kfizzle]

Haha that's very true. :) I'm trying to up the flirting juuuusssst a tad through text, not sure if it will work. I was thinking We may forget about each other and just not hang out again after we go our separate ways after we both move out (kind of an 'out of sight, out of mind' sort of scenario), so I guess the sooner the better. Just have to pace it at the same time to make sure he's comfortable with what I'm saying before i even say it. I've got 2 weeks until he leaves lol. I would just be crushed if he says no, so I'm playing it safe.

[Pleasedonot5]

Probably okay to play it safe, but honestly if you tried and it didn't work, you'd be crushed for a few days... a week tops.

[Kfizzle]

Good point. :) thank you!

[j.man]

Just wait until one or both of you are moved out. I've had opposite-sex roommates on a couple different occasions, and on one it was just her and I with a room each. I've personally never caught feelings, but I'm also the type who's very capable of compartmentalizing and setting up boundaries around that. I'd be fine with a roommate being attracted to me, or even thinking her and I would make a great couple were we not roommates, but I wouldn't appreciate it if I were put in a position in my own home, where I'm meant to be most comfortable, to reject a roommate's advances. Am I saying it'd be a huge and unforgivable sin? Of course not. I'd just consider it more of a "professional courtesy" in a roommate situation.

 

And, to be honest, I find myself flirting more in situations where there are those boundaries in place because I feel more comfortable and secure to do so within them. In short, I tend to flirt because I'm confident nothing can happen rather than the other way around. Not necessarily saying the's the same, but I'd try not to put too much weight behind any perceived flirting of his.

 

As far as the belt buckle thing goes, I honestly had no idea that was something a lot of women sexualized. I likely wouldn't have thought anything of where I did it, either. Then again, I also didn't know rolling up my sleeves was something that turned a lot of women on until it was fairly recently pointed out to me.

[ControlDenied]

Send him a text saying that you had a dream about him last night... perfect excuse to start a playful scenario