Just different point if view

[wolflovesmoon]

Hi y’all

I just need a different point of view about a situation, i pretty much knew how to handle it ( i guess) but some different input won’t hurt.

 

I met this girl online, we texted for few days, we went on a date and we did have a good time, great and deep conversation, long hugs and kisses as we said bye, we agreed to do it again ( it was a Saturday)

 

Then it all felt like she was distancing herself, so i asked her straight ahead if she is still interested or if she changed her mind and that i understand that she is busy etc ( this was on the following Thursday)

 

Her response “ Joe thank you for being so nice. I really enjoyed hanging out with u. Ur really fun to talk to. Truth is I'm preoccupied. I was seeing someone for a couple of months and realized he doesn't want a relationship. I thought I'd try to get my mind off of him by trying to meet someone new. I feel guilty because maybe I should just be single for a little longer but I'm lonely too..sorry to send mixed signals. I have too many emotions. Trying to clear my head. Again I'm really sorry for causing u any confusion. I hate feeling this way”

 

My response: “Thanks for letting me know how you feel.

I wish there was a way i can help you with what you are going thru, but i am gonna let you figure it out yourself, if you do, and you want to see if we have a chance at this, please reach out. Enjoy your weekend “

 

I haven’t contacted her since then or heard from her and i don’t expect to hear anything, even thou i liked the girls and i wish it was different.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Jibralta]

Sounds like you handled it well to me.

[glitterfingers]

Ok. I was in her position and did this to someone fairly recently... We are together now but I know that I made things difficult for him in the beginning because I ran a bit hot and cold unintentionally. I had to withdraw occasionally so I could sift through my emotions without heaping them onto him and creating a rebound situation. I don't think most guys would feel enough stability/security to be on the other side of that and respect that thought process. But he did stay, and despite a few hiccups, we are both getting a lot out of this new relationship.

 

HOWEVER, had I been his friend (not the woman he was seeing), I probably would have told him he's being an idiot... There is a LOT of risk involved in this situation because you don't know how long it will take her to work through those things and you don't know that she will come out the other side feeling like you're a good match and not just a placeholder.

I wouldn't date me in that situation. I feel like she's more or less going down the same line of thought. You won't get the best of her, won't get to see what she's like when she's in a happy place in her life, etc.

 

So for the most part, I think you did the right thing. But, the fact that you're posting something here about it says something of the way you feel about her.

 

From what I know of my experiences in her shoes, I'd probably just shoot her a message and say "If neither of us are seeing other people in a couple months, maybe we can catch up again at that point". Leaves the door open but lets you get on with your life, and if you're still interested later on, see where she's at.

Will add here though, she might feel rejected and decline (even though she literally led things in the direction of your response).

[wolflovesmoon]

So for the most part, I think you did the right thing. But, the fact that you're posting something here about it says something of the way you feel about her.

 

I liked her, and i didn’t %100 get what she really needed from me at that point, so i made the call and told her to figure it out.

 

Thanks for taking the time to respond

[SweetGirl28]

I've done this. And it was truthful. And I've done it on more than one occasion. Only one guy replied nicely, just as you did. The others were insulting and angry. So, I understand it, I mean no one should try to date when they aren't ready. You handled it with class and if she heals herself and had an interest, she will maybe make contact again. I just delete people

honestly, I never keep a number to try to connect later on. I'm sorry you like her, and may never hear from her again, but I wish you luck with whomever you date, you obviously are a pretty nice guy :)

[wolflovesmoon]

I've done this. And it was truthful. And I've done it on more than one occasion. Only one guy replied nicely, just as you did. The others were insulting and angry. So, I understand it, I mean no one should try to date when they aren't ready. You handled it with class and if she heals herself and had an interest, she will maybe make contact again. I just delete people

honestly, I never keep a number to try to connect later on. I'm sorry you like her, and may never hear from her again, but I wish you luck with whomever you date, you obviously are a pretty nice guy :)

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, at this point the ball is in her court, but also i am not putting my dating life on Hold, if she reaches out in the future and i am not seeing anyone, i will make sure she is ready before we can do anything.

[Sportster2005]

The only thing I would have done differently would have been less serious, and say something like "you'll be back, it's just a matter of time". It has to be done in person though, with just the right amount of playfulness and confidence. It might not go over well over text.

[wolflovesmoon]

The only thing I would have done differently would have been less serious, and say something like "you'll be back, it's just a matter of time". It has to be done in person though, with just the right amount of playfulness and confidence. It might not go over well over text.

 

Thanks for your opinion

[DancingFool]

It was just one date with a stranger. Sure you might have felt like it was great and you really clicked and so on, but it also seems like it might have been mostly one sided. No matter how plausible the excuse, the bottom line is that she wasn't interested in seeing you again. Your response was nice and polite and you've certainly left the door open for her to change her mind. That said, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting on her and focus on other dates instead.

[wolflovesmoon]

It was just one date with a stranger. Sure you might have felt like it was great and you really clicked and so on, but it also seems like it might have been mostly one sided. No matter how plausible the excuse, the bottom line is that she wasn't interested in seeing you again. Your response was nice and polite and you've certainly left the door open for her to change her mind. That said, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting on her and focus on other dates instead.

 

That could be the case but she said i am an interesting person, and that she will want to go on a date again etc.

 

Regardless of her intentions, i am not putting my dating life on Hold, i will keep going in dates like before.

 

Thanks for the reply