cryingalways Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Hi guys! So things have been going very well with me and my bf for a year now. However he’s considering moving away to live with his band so they can rehearse more etc, as currently they all live all over the UK. We’ve spoken about it and he’s not sure what he will do, as he isn’t sure about it for many reasons, including the fact that we’d be far apart. I am finding the whole thing quite stressful and I really don’t want him to go truth be told, but I also want to be supportive as I know how much the band means to him. I’ve even talked about moving with him to the town the band are in. He’s made it clear he wants us to stay together though and doesn’t want to jeopardize our relationship with this, but now I’m just waiting to find out what he and the band decides, and I can’t help but feel annoyed by the whole situation. And to top this off, one of the band members doesn’t want to move, he wants to stay living with his girlfriend! But my boyfriend wants to move as he doesn’t have much going on in his life other than me and the band, so likes the idea of taking it more seriously and rehearsing more etc. I’ll tell you what though, it makes me want to declare to him that I’m moving abroad or something just so he knows how it feels!! Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=539875 Is his ex in this band? Link to comment
cryingalways Posted March 9, 2018 Author Share Posted March 9, 2018 Haha, touché! No, it’s a band of boys. No exes involved. He never saw that girl in the end too Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Is this his FT job? Are they making any money or is this just a garage band? But my boyfriend wants to move as he doesn’t have much going on in his life other than me and the band, so likes the idea of taking it more seriously and rehearsing more etc. Link to comment
cryingalways Posted March 9, 2018 Author Share Posted March 9, 2018 It’s not his FT job no, but they have had a tour and have a manager. He wants it to be his FT job basically. Link to comment
1a1a Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 As much as you might be understanding If he chooses to prioritise the band over his relationship with you, it’s ok to be upset about it, and it’s ok to maybe decide you want a partner who prioritises you higher, I definitely did. And the boy who wasnt prioritising me, really had completely checked out and never would again. Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I know it will be hard, but you have to let him go. He has a right to pursue his dreams and if you force him to stay he may grow to resent you. Sure it seems like it would be selfish of him to do this, but in turn, it would be selfish of you to force him to stay. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Where would he be moving to? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 As much as you might be understanding If he chooses to prioritise the band over his relationship with you, it’s ok to be upset about it, and it’s ok to maybe decide you want a partner who prioritises you higher, I definitely did. And the boy who wasnt prioritising me, really had completely checked out and never would again. If he had to move for work at a corporate job, your advice might be a little different. had they talked about her relocating? To me, if he is young, he has a manager and tour dates, heck, I'd throw everything at the opportunity before it was time to settle down. If they actually have a contract and a fighting chance, I would be supportive of him. he may decide in a few months that its the pits, and moves back because he misses you or its not as promised. I know a few guys who are in their 40s and 50s and regret not giving "the band" a shot in their 20s --- actually the former band of one of them made it decently big with his replacement. Its one thing if these guys had no manager and no tour dates whatsoever and it was like "hey, let's form a band" - but it seems that if he can throw everything at it for the next year to see if it will be a go -- he'll either decide to hang up the guitar or bongo drums or it will be a career. how far away will he be? 30-40 minutes is nothing if it is only that far... Link to comment
1a1a Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 It wouldn’t be any different. If the boy wants his career and the op wants a relationship then they want different things. One thing you can do while you ponder op, is work out what your own dreams and life goals are and pursue them!! Link to comment
cryingalways Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 UPDATE: So now all the band except one of them don't want to move, but he is still considering moving to be with the one other member because he would get cheap rent basically. So it's not even about the band anymore as the others are all in different locations anyway.... I find it harder to be supportive of this move therefore, as it's not about dreams it's about cheap rent. He would be about three hours away. Which is quite a distance, and seeing as he would want to live in this house with this band member there's no point in me going as well as I'd just be along in a house there in the middle of no where with no friends etc, which I'm not doing. I agree, that I should focus on my own dreams etc. I want to get my own flat and do my own various creative endeavours. I shall try and spend more time thinking about that and less about what he is going to do. Thankyou for your advice Link to comment
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