How do i get round this ?

[muppetguy]

Hi all

 

Im new here so please be kind.

 

Just recently my wife of 8 years had an affair with a guy at her work.

She tells me although flirting chatting and texting they only had sex the once.

Bizzarely she now admits they both told one another they "love one another"

 

She says she want to make another go of it ...which i do to but she admits she still has feelings for him ???

 

Im distraught ....She wont leave her job so im left thinking will i just be second best til she decides who she really wants ??

 

Help !!

 

Paul

[jimmyc88]

Paul, mate. You already know the answer to all of this. What you need is alot more self worth and self love because the ramifications to your mental health alone getting back with her would eat you alive. She has no respect for you so don't bother crawling back to that.

 

But don't worry it's not the end of the world. Just be the bigger man and walk away and mean it.

 

I too went through the same issue and remained with her for another 6 months. The worst 6 months of my life and I felt like a piece of until we broke it off and my life has been nothing but amazing since

[MissCanuck]

You can't make another go of it if she's in love with someone else, OP. It will end with your heart in a blender.

 

If she is serious about reconciliation (and it honestly doesn't really sound like that's the case, she's just afraid to lose the security of marriage) you two need intensive marital counselling and she needs to find another job. I also would caution you that she is likely still hiding the full truth from you. Cheaters usually only admit to what they cannot plausibly deny - but there is often far more to it.

 

How did you find out about all of this?

[Last Gentleman]

In all these cheating situations, you tend to see the same dynamic, you talk about what she wants but what about you ?

 

When someone does this to you and tells you they want to keep you, you have to say no and have your demands, they did wrong so they have to qualify for your time and trust.

Being too comprehensive even after 8 years, will not do you any good, if she genuinely feels bad she will do efforts, if not you know you can let it go.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. You need to step up and draw the line. This is what her decision needs to be: Either she ends it and you both go to marriage therapy or she moves out now and you contact a divorce attorney

Just recently my wife of 8 years had an affair with a guy at her work. Bizzarely she now admits they both told one another they "love one another". will i just be second best til she decides who she really wants ?

[RayRay63]

It will end with your heart in a blender.

 

This lady speaks the truth.

 

If you have children, ts complicated. If you don't, its not.

 

Tell her to tell her story walking. If it feels good, say " you b***h" at the end. You owe this woman nothing. She has betrayed you in the absolutely worst possible way. Cut her loose.

 

I am not really into the alpha male concept you see on all sorts of pseudo psychology sites where they pray on the heartbroken and rip them off.

 

But right now, my man, I want you to go full alpha.

 

"Get out of my house, and take your s*** with you. We are done"

 

Toss her and her crap into the street.

[RayRay63]

@dianewelsch, I can't see you post. Maybe you deleted it. If you need to talk less publically, PM someone. Pick the poster whose posts help you most. I can't say if they'll reply, I can only say I'd do my best to help, and I think that's probably how most people here roll.