Did I do the right thing? Lied I was seeing someone

[sweetdesire]

Hello,

 

I was involved in an almost 2 year relationship with someone who had just ended a 5 year relationship and who he has a now 3 year old son with. It was a very, very difficult time for him. I always told him to do the right thing and since it was so hard for him, to be with his "family" especially since I come from a similar background where you sacrifice everything for your family. He insisted he wasn't happy and couldn't forgive his ex because she cheated and he wanted to be with me. I never ever begged him or manipulated him to stay with me at any given point in time.

 

Throughout the relationship we remained exclusive however he said wasn't ready for a full on relationship going public etc. It got pretty serious between us I mean I would spend the night every night. I met and bonded with his son. We would go out on dates and be seen in public. In the beginning, i attempted to let him go so many times because he couldn't give me what i wanted and he refused to respect my wishes and my dummy butt would take him back. So my frustration grew and grew because more and more time passed and he still wasn't "ready." I know i know he's an idiot and so am I however I always tried to put myself in his shoes and refused to be in a forced relationship and somehow we always made it work and worked through our situation. My means to understand him and be there for him was my downfall.

 

Back track to Dec 2018, he still "isn't ready" and I was fed up at this point so I decided to invent a lie and tell him I was seeing someone so he could finally leave me alone and I could be at peace and move on with my life. To make matters worse I even included an OLD picture of me and a guy i used to date so it could actually be believable. He wished me well blah blah and then i blocked him. Fast forward to now 3 months later and i'm starting to feel bad about the whole situation. I feel like i did the right thing I don't know for my sanity's sake however it's not true. It's also starting to bother me that he thinks a certain way of me and it's not even true.

 

I know he's upset with me because he blocked me. Out of the 2 years, he's never blocked me. So now i've been reflecting and I don't know if i did the right thing. I would like to clear up the situation but then don't want him to think i want him back necessarily or maybe I do but what if he continues to not be ready. :( All i've ever wanted was for me to have a fair chance with us and I feel i didn't get that especially after committing myself to him for 2 year. I'm also scared nothing about his mindset has changed and to go back to the same situation i was in.

 

I just dont want this on my conscious any longer. Any suggestions or advice??

If i am wrong please tell me i am wrong, I can take it.

[jimthzz]

Stop playing games with this man's emotions. Actually, I really think you ought to move on. How is he to believe you are telling the truth now when you acted as though you told the truth earlier?

 

In either case, he knows you to be a liar.

 

I don't think you should go back and try to untangle anything. Just don't do similarly in the future.

[SweetGirl28]

You were wrong in doing that. You played with his emotions, he most likely thinks you had a guy on the side for quite some time. You can confess but it's doubtful he will believe you. And you walked away from his son, which he may resent you for.

It's best to learn a lesson from this and move on. Sorry .

[DanZee]

You know, after 2 years, the guy should have made up his mind about what he wanted to do. It's not fair to keep you in limbo or as a FWB. I don't see any problem doing what you did. That's probably the best way to keep an ex from contacting you. You don't need to explain anything to him. Move on and find a guy who wants to settle down with you.

[MissCanuck]

I think pretending you were dating someone was incredibly childish, and he is unlikely to believe you were lying.

 

However, I don't think you should try to reconcile. It wasn't a relationship with a future if he still wasn't ready after two years.

[Cope]

Well, what you did wasn't truthful and probably hurtful for him, but unfortunately, it was what you needed in order to move on. Forgive yourself and do so. There is no need to tell him the truth because you will just be opening old wounds and the chances of him turning into the person you want him to be is unlikely.

[Wiseman2]

It's over. Let sleeping dogs lie. Continue to block and remain no contact. As far as your social media and dating apps, update them for yourself and people who matter. Instead of faux OLD pics. get a new profile and fresh pics up on some dating apps and start talking to.meeting men.

[sweetdesire]

Thank you everyone for the responses.

Thank God for Iphones! Since the picture comes with a date stamp and can prove the picture is old.

 

I actually ended up calling him blocked last night and he answered. I guess you can say we both received the closure we needed. He didn't seem upset with me. He seemed to understand why I did what i did and he apologized for everything he put me through..he apologized for leading me on which I don't know what that meant or if it was good or bad but it felt good him acknowledging any wrong doing.

 

He stated as long as we're both in a better place and shortly after i told him take care and we hung up, Phewwwww

[Last Gentleman]

That will teach you that had you told the truth from the beginning, you wouldn't have had all this anguish, seems like mumbo jumbo, but to me a woman who lies is not worthy of my time period.

We're all adults telling the truth however difficult it is will always earn you respect, if not the others your own respect !