Best friend is moving far away and wants me to make the drive with him.

[Seraphim]

Thanks, all. My work just told me they're planning on moving during that time so I have to be there since I'm management, plus my tax payments would prevent me from going so I told my friend. He said he understands and isn't sure if his gf can help him make the trip but at least he understands. I still feel like a jerk but I can't help the situation.

 

That is great!

[Seymore]

I told him that if he can talk his gf into flying in and going with him I'll take them both to the fanciest restaurant in town the night before as a sendoff. I still want to do something nice for him.

[catfeeder]

Thanks, all. My work just told me they're planning on moving during that time so I have to be there since I'm management, plus my tax payments would prevent me from going so I told my friend. He said he understands and isn't sure if his gf can help him make the trip but at least he understands. I still feel like a jerk but I can't help the situation.

 

Glad this worked out, but it might benefit you to learn how to start 'leaning in' to the idea that most people, especially those you care enough about to have earned their trust, will accept a 'No, that's not good for me, let's work out an alternative...' from you without your need to overthink it and squirm about it.

 

When we were kids, we were often socialized to accept badgering and peer pressure as though that's somehow okay, but as adults we not only learn to respect the limits of others, we also learn to trust that others will do the same for us without any need to pretzel ourselves in discomfort.

 

Head high, and your friend is lucky to have you in his life regardless of outcomes over any single event.

[Seymore]

Glad this worked out, but it might benefit you to learn how to start 'leaning in' to the idea that most people, especially those you care enough about to have earned their trust, will accept a 'No, that's not good for me, let's work out an alternative...' from you without your need to overthink it and squirm about it.

 

When we were kids, we were often socialized to accept badgering and peer pressure as though that's somehow okay, but as adults we not only learn to respect the limits of others, we also learn to trust that others will do the same for us without any need to pretzel ourselves in discomfort.

 

Head high, and your friend is lucky to have you in his life regardless of outcomes over any single event.

 

 

Thanks for that insight. I tend to be that way with most people - always feeling I have to defend my decisions and it's stupid to me. Like this situation with my best friend. 30+ years and we've never even had a fight! So if anything HE should be the one I should have to feel least worried about saying "no, sorry" to. It's definitely something I need to be more conscious of.

[Seraphim]

Thanks for that insight. I tend to be that way with most people - always feeling I have to defend my decisions and it's stupid to me. Like this situation with my best friend. 30+ years and we've never even had a fight! So if anything HE should be the one I should have to feel least worried about saying "no, sorry" to. It's definitely something I need to be more conscious of.

 

I think that happens to a lot of us. We want others to be happy but at the same time that builds resentment within ourselves because we deny ourselves over and over and over . We have to be true to ourselves .