My girlfriend of 2 years just decided she didnt want it anymore - Im lost for words

[Someadvice18]

That's a good question - why did you?

 

I wish I knew tbh. But at the time it felt like a bloody miracle, i had my "dream" girl back, the girl i loved more than life. I genuinely did so much for her the first year we were together. Flowers every 2 weeks, date nights, nights away, constant love love love is all i gave her. So when i got her back i felt complete again, like i felt lost without her. She just has qualities no one else has. Shes not someone whos slept around or spoken to loads of lads, she is beautiful, she has a really caring side to her but clearly it must only be when she chooses. Her family are like family to me. I just feel like i wont ever get something better.

 

Sitting at my desk in work with tears in my eyes, trying so hard to hold this back. Life is seriously cruel sometimes.

[melinterested]

I'm sorry this is hurting you deeply. Princess Diana once said that, "the cost of love is pain". This is true on every level. Even to grow old with someone - we lose them eventually. It's never forever. Love is always a butterfly, fragile and at times flies with the wind. Your love needs to return and nurture you so that you can love someone worthy.

[Someadvice18]

Sorry no I missed that. I have read it now. You have done the right thing. Whatever you do, don't be tempted to unblock her to have a sneak peek at what she is up to. It will lead to nothing but more hurt. I feel so sorry for you, I really do. I think the reason she said I love you is because you probably said it first and she didn't have the guts not to say it back. She is a spineless coward. I think everyone understands how you feel and your feelings towards her, regardless of how she has treated you. Love is what it is, even if we can see no sense in it. You mentioned earlier that you have not told your family, does this include your friends too? If so, tell them now. Let them help and support you. Do you have some friends out of town you could go and visit and socialise with to avoid bumping in to her? If not, just try your hardest to avoid any places you think she might go, not just to avoid bumping in to her but places that remind you also. Stay strong, don't listen to sad songs or watch sad films that will compound your feelings. And remember that everyone on here has posted because they know how you feel, they have all been there and we all want you to get better. You are never alone.

 

I have told my best friend and my parents yes. My parents dont understand it at all and they are shocked too but they said i have to cut her off. My best mate is straight to the point he told me last year not to get back with her and hated what she did to me. So this time he's straight up saying shes a horrible horrible person, she is emotionally detached from herself and from you by the looks of it and that i need to stay well away from her. I know she may have just love you for the sake of it but after that we spoke regularly on text until around 11:30pm she messaged to say she felt "weird" about us, i said we'll sort it dont worry and she said "i wana be with you more than anything but i just dont know" - im just so upset because of the "promises" she made when we got back, she promised me she would never walk away again like she did before, she admitted she was rash with her decision. She always used to say to me how she never wants to be without me again. ALL LIES AND IT F*CKING HURTS

[Someadvice18]

I'm sorry this is hurting you deeply. Princess Diana once said that, "the cost of love is pain". This is true on every level. Even to grow old with someone - we lose them eventually. It's never forever. Love is always a butterfly, fragile and at times flies with the wind. Your love needs to return and nurture you so that you can love someone worthy.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Its horrible it really is. Im not young or stupid either. Im 21 soon and im a smart guy. I dont like drama or crap like this. I just wanted a happy life with a future with her. Obviously i was asking for too much

[MissCanuck]

I wish I knew tbh. But at the time it felt like a bloody miracle, i had my "dream" girl back, the girl i loved more than life. I genuinely did so much for her the first year we were together. Flowers every 2 weeks, date nights, nights away, constant love love love is all i gave her. So when i got her back i felt complete again, like i felt lost without her. She just has qualities no one else has. Shes not someone whos slept around or spoken to loads of lads, she is beautiful, she has a really caring side to her but clearly it must only be when she chooses. Her family are like family to me. I just feel like i wont ever get something better.

Sitting at my desk in work with tears in my eyes, trying so hard to hold this back. Life is seriously cruel sometimes.

 

You will get someone far better - someone who returns all those loving gestures.

 

You've got her way up on a pedestal right now, but trust me when I say there is better out there for you. This isn't the best you can get if it was largely one-sided the last several months. I know you can't feel it now, but she wasn't as amazing as you're making her out to be.

[melinterested]

Thanks for the kind words. Its horrible it really is. Im not young or stupid either. Im 21 soon and im a smart guy. I dont like drama or crap like this. I just wanted a happy life with a future with her. Obviously i was asking for too much

 

I'm 37, at thirty I was still devoting my heart to people who didn't deserve it. Age doesn't matter. I don't see you as naive. I can relate to your experience of heart break and even the part where it's hard to imagine that anyone else could possibly have been there. What I do understand that I can share with you is that you have the wonderful opportunity to find someone who loves you as much as you love them. With maturity, it's even better because you know someone loves you for you when all beauty has left. Know that you have a wonderful loving future ahead of you and that you may look back at this time as one where you realised you're worthy of equal true love and because you raised that bar: that's when you met her. It's real. When you are ready, she will find you when you least expect her.

[JCSK]

21! Wow, you have so much to live for and so much future ahead of you. If this girl is so attractive then I bet are you too to have pulled her! But you have more on top of your youth and looks, you have integrity, a willingness to commit and put other people's feelings before your own. You have so much to give. I bet by the time you are both 30 she'll have three kids by three different lads, lost her looks and thinking back to the day she lost the best thing that could have happened to her. But you'll be married and settled and she'll just be a distant memory.

Remember the story I told you about the ex that ran off with my best friend? Well I was your age when that happened and saying and feeling all the same things as you are now. He was so good looking, long hair, rock type dude. Well their relationship never worked out, they had a kid, then he left her after a very tumultuous few years. I bumped into her a few years later and she told me she'd done me the biggest favour and had more than a few choice words for him. I absolutely did not care, I wasn't pleased she had found herself in that situation (especially as there was a child involved) as I'm not like that but I didn't feel sorry for her either. I just wasn't interested really. Then when I was thirty I saw this guy at a party and he had the cheek to try and hit on me, telling me I was his biggest regret, yadda yadda. Just to add to the karma, he had got fat and although he still had long hair, half of it was gone! Same thing happened to one of my colleagues. Seriously, karma gets these people in the end and through their own selfish attitudes, they are the ones that end up lonely and miserable in the end. Not people like you :)

[Someadvice18]

21! Wow, you have so much to live for and so much future ahead of you. If this girl is so attractive then I bet are you too to have pulled her! But you have more on top of your youth and looks, you have integrity, a willingness to commit and put other people's feelings before your own. You have so much to give. I bet by the time you are both 30 she'll have three kids by three different lads, lost her looks and thinking back to the day she lost the best thing that could have happened to her. But you'll be married and settled and she'll just be a distant memory.

Remember the story I told you about the ex that ran off with my best friend? Well I was your age when that happened and saying and feeling all the same things as you are now. He was so good looking, long hair, rock type dude. Well their relationship never worked out, they had a kid, then he left her after a very tumultuous few years. I bumped into her a few years later and she told me she'd done me the biggest favour and had more than a few choice words for him. I absolutely did not care, I wasn't pleased she had found herself in that situation (especially as there was a child involved) as I'm not like that but I didn't feel sorry for her either. I just wasn't interested really. Then when I was thirty I saw this guy at a party and he had the cheek to try and hit on me, telling me I was his biggest regret, yadda yadda. Just to add to the karma, he had got fat and although he still had long hair, half of it was gone! Same thing happened to one of my colleagues. Seriously, karma gets these people in the end and through their own selfish attitudes, they are the ones that end up lonely and miserable in the end. Not people like you :)

 

I know i am still young. To be honest finding or thinking about anyone else is the last thing on my mind right now. Right now i just want to be either alone or with her. My confidence has been knocked so much. Its like she ripped out my heart before, squeezed it and squeezed it then put it back in and stitched it up badly. Now the stitches have fallen out and the wound has reopened and she ripped it out again but stomped on it this time. Horrible person.

 

One thing which i think makes her act how she does is her own parents, they argue 24/7 non stop - her mum constantly threatens divorce with her dad and goes off and stays with her own mum for days on end. But her dad never really does anything wrong from what I can tell. I feel as if she has her mums personality trait in her.

[Someadvice18]

I should probably mention aswell that our sex life has went really dry the past month or so. Like i dont expect it EVERYTIME i see her but i have a high sex drive and when we're in bed on a saturday night and theres no attempt it feels kinda weird. Mostly the last 2 weeks because of the weather here we have been unable to see each other as much which is fair enough. But if i even dare to mention our sex life she goes crazy, shes like is that all you think about, you clearly just want some little SL*T to have sex with everyday......

 

I dont want that at all. I just feel when our sex life is going down then it should be mentioned. All these factors do point to the fact she hasnt wanted this for a while, right?

[JCSK]

I should probably mention aswell that our sex life has went really dry the past month or so. Like i dont expect it EVERYTIME i see her but i have a high sex drive and when we're in bed on a saturday night and theres no attempt it feels kinda weird. Mostly the last 2 weeks because of the weather here we have been unable to see each other as much which is fair enough. But if i even dare to mention our sex life she goes crazy, shes like is that all you think about, you clearly just want some little SL*T to have sex with everyday......

 

I dont want that at all. I just feel when our sex life is going down then it should be mentioned. All these factors do point to the fact she hasnt wanted this for a while, right?

 

Yes I'm afraid they absolutely do. The no sex thing is a huge red flag, but again, she turned this back on you by accusing you of being some single minded sex pest when all you want is some genuine intimate time with the woman you love. Very cruel and manipulative indeed. All this talk of still loving you and it's hard for her too is just a smokescreen to stop her looking like the nasty person she is in this situation. Or in her own mind thinking it makes it easier for you. But it doesn't, it makes it seem like there might be a glimmer of hope when there isn't one. If her feelings have changed there is no crime in that, the massive flaw here is her dishonesty and the way she went about ending this - for a second time. She has certainly done a number on you, that's for sure. Do you work out? I know it sounds a silly question but I find the gym really helps to vent anger and frustration whilst doing my body good in the process. It gets the anger out, the endorphins going and gives you more confidence. This is all her, not you. Repeat that to yourself as your manta until you start to really believe it.

[JCSK]

I know i am still young. To be honest finding or thinking about anyone else is the last thing on my mind right now. Right now i just want to be either alone or with her. My confidence has been knocked so much. Its like she ripped out my heart before, squeezed it and squeezed it then put it back in and stitched it up badly. Now the stitches have fallen out and the wound has reopened and she ripped it out again but stomped on it this time. Horrible person.

 

One thing which i think makes her act how she does is her own parents, they argue 24/7 non stop - her mum constantly threatens divorce with her dad and goes off and stays with her own mum for days on end. But her dad never really does anything wrong from what I can tell. I feel as if she has her mums personality trait in her.

 

And yes, her mum has done her no favours teaching her this kind of immature behaviour by taking off every five minutes and showing such disrespect towards men.

[ja555]

Hi, sorry to hear about your situation man. I was in almost the exact same situation as you now find yourself in. So from my experience I would tell you to leave her alone completely. It sounds like you didn't do anything wrong, and she seems bats*it crazy. Take this time to work on yourself, and do things you've always wanted to do but haven't gotten around to them yet. If you keep yourself busy it'll help a lot with the pain. When you think about, which is inevitable, don't think about ways you can get her back. If she's done this to you twice, she isn't worth your effort. Good luck.

[Last Gentleman]

I know i am still young. To be honest finding or thinking about anyone else is the last thing on my mind right now. Right now i just want to be either alone or with her. My confidence has been knocked so much. Its like she ripped out my heart before, squeezed it and squeezed it then put it back in and stitched it up badly. Now the stitches have fallen out and the wound has reopened and she ripped it out again but stomped on it this time. Horrible person.

 

One thing which i think makes her act how she does is her own parents, they argue 24/7 non stop - her mum constantly threatens divorce with her dad and goes off and stays with her own mum for days on end. But her dad never really does anything wrong from what I can tell. I feel as if she has her mums personality trait in her.

 

Horrible person, but you want to be with her... no be alone, she will find another horrible guy and they will complete each other, do not bother thinking about her.

You should have realized her mom's red flag and stayed away from her, red flags aren't only from the persons you date, if they have terrible friends and she doesn't

disagree with crappy behaviors, red flag, if the family is abusive or overbearing, red flag, heck to me a woman who hates animals is one of the biggest red flags ever !

 

I should probably mention aswell that our sex life has went really dry the past month or so. Like i dont expect it EVERYTIME i see her but i have a high sex drive and when we're in bed on a saturday night and theres no attempt it feels kinda weird. Mostly the last 2 weeks because of the weather here we have been unable to see each other as much which is fair enough. But if i even dare to mention our sex life she goes crazy, shes like is that all you think about, you clearly just want some little SL*T to have sex with everyday......

 

I dont want that at all. I just feel when our sex life is going down then it should be mentioned. All these factors do point to the fact she hasnt wanted this for a while, right?

 

Women can get mad and call me sexist here, but using sex against a man or telling a man he will not have it for weeks, as a means to coerce him into doing something whatever the

motives within a committed relationship is abuse !!! Sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship, not having it devalues the relationship and refusing it to a partner is the end of the

relationship, it is selfish and controlling whether people like it or not, mental abuses should be showed for what they are !

Same as if a man would say to a woman, I will not pay attention and listen to your stories and issues until you do XXXX, that would also be controlling and abusive, being supportive is

another backbone of the relationships !

[Someadvice18]

Yes I'm afraid they absolutely do. The no sex thing is a huge red flag, but again, she turned this back on you by accusing you of being some single minded sex pest when all you want is some genuine intimate time with the woman you love. Very cruel and manipulative indeed. All this talk of still loving you and it's hard for her too is just a smokescreen to stop her looking like the nasty person she is in this situation. Or in her own mind thinking it makes it easier for you. But it doesn't, it makes it seem like there might be a glimmer of hope when there isn't one. If her feelings have changed there is no crime in that, the massive flaw here is her dishonesty and the way she went about ending this - for a second time. She has certainly done a number on you, that's for sure. Do you work out? I know it sounds a silly question but I find the gym really helps to vent anger and frustration whilst doing my body good in the process. It gets the anger out, the endorphins going and gives you more confidence. This is all her, not you. Repeat that to yourself as your manta until you start to really believe it.

 

 

I go to the gym yes. I did this last year but it didnt change anything i just thought about her 24/7. I think ive slept about 5 hours in total over 3 days, i cant sleep, i cant eat.

 

Its like some kind of addiction that im having withdrawals from (never taken drugs but just imagining thats how it feels)

[Someadvice18]

Hi, sorry to hear about your situation man. I was in almost the exact same situation as you now find yourself in. So from my experience I would tell you to leave her alone completely. It sounds like you didn't do anything wrong, and she seems bats*it crazy. Take this time to work on yourself, and do things you've always wanted to do but haven't gotten around to them yet. If you keep yourself busy it'll help a lot with the pain. When you think about, which is inevitable, don't think about ways you can get her back. If she's done this to you twice, she isn't worth your effort. Good luck.

 

Yeah i need to cut all contact. Last year it went on for weeks begging for her back etc. Then no contact then she'd message saying Im talking to other girls and this that then argue, then no contact etc etc etc. And it wasnt healthy. This time ive just plucked up the courage told her Im saddened and disgusted at how shes handled it, promised her she wouldnt hear from me again and ive blocked her. If i start talking to her and trying to get her back im going to make myself ill and i do not want that

[Someadvice18]

She loves animals haha! But her mum is very rash and thats how my ex acted.

 

And as for the sex part yep. You're right i dont understand how she can turn it on me as if im some kind of man or something. I just want initimate LOVING time with my other half and when you go from one week seeing each other 5 times and having sex atleast 4 to then one week seeing each other once and not even having sex its a bit strange.

[JCSK]

Women can get mad and call me sexist here, but using sex against a man or telling a man he will not have it for weeks, as a means to coerce him into doing something whatever the

motives within a committed relationship is abuse !!! Sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship, not having it devalues the relationship and refusing it to a partner is the end of the

relationship, it is selfish and controlling whether people like it or not, mental abuses should be showed for what they are !

Same as if a man would say to a woman, I will not pay attention and listen to your stories and issues until you do XXXX, that would also be controlling and abusive, being supportive is

another backbone of the relationships !

 

That's not sexist at all. It's very, very true.

[Someadvice18]

I was so close there to contacting her.....it sounds ridiculous but by email. I was going to send her a picture of the valentines card she gave me a few weeks ago that said “you’ll be my sidekick forever and heres to many more Valentines together” but i stopped myself.

 

Why am I so desperate to just sort this! I need to stop myself!

[MissCanuck]

I was so close there to contacting her.....it sounds ridiculous but by email. I was going to send her a picture of the valentines card she gave me a few weeks ago that said “you’ll be my sidekick forever and heres to many more Valentines together” but i stopped myself.

 

Why am I so desperate to just sort this! I need to stop myself!

 

Because you didn't want to break up and you want to do anything to try to get her to change her mind. What you're feeling is normal for the person who didn't want to end the relationship.

 

It's good that you didn't send the email. I promise you it wouldn't have had the effect you want. You will have those feelings for a while yet, and hopefully you can continue to resist the impulse to reach out to her.

 

As for the sex issue - yes, that was a big sign of her overall waning interest. The same goes for her attempt to turn it around on you and make you feel like the bad guy for wanting some intimacy with her. She was deflecting because she felt guilty and she didn't yet know how to tell you she didn't want to be intimate. Dumping it all on you was an immature move, but it definitely speaks to her overall feelings about the relationship at that point.

[Someadvice18]

Because you didn't want to break up and you want to do anything to try to get her to change her mind. What you're feeling is normal for the person who didn't want to end the relationship.

 

It's good that you didn't send the email. I promise you it wouldn't have had the effect you want. You will have those feelings for a while yet, and hopefully you can continue to resist the impulse to reach out to her.

 

As for the sex issue - yes, that was a big sign of her overall waning interest. The same goes for her attempt to turn it around on you and make you feel like the bad guy for wanting some intimacy with her. She was deflecting because she felt guilty and she didn't yet know how to tell you she didn't want to be intimate. Dumping it all on you was an immature move, but it definitely speaks to her overall feelings about the relationship at that point.

 

I was up really late last night writing a big letter to send to her. It wasnt begging for her to talk to me or for her to get back with me. I was explaining how I felt about the situation and giving my reasoning to each of her "points" to breaking up with me. I feel that I should send it but im unsure.

 

I wish i could share it here but its probably a bit too personal. Basically she gave me 7 reasons why she split up with me, literally 6/7 were one time arguments or small silly things so i gave my opinion to each. I then went onto say that if you read this and you still think that this is your true reasons for a breakup then I agree that we should not be together - because i cant be with someone who clearly isnt ready for a fully committed relationship etc.

The end of it is me telling her how intelligent she is, good family, beautiful etc etc and i say that whether you think about everything i have said for our relationship or a future one im glad ive helped you learn and grow as a person.

 

Final sentence is I wish you the very best. I do not expect to hear from you after this but I want to say I do love you with my whole heart and more and I never meant any unhappiness or hurt to you in this relationship. Keep yourself healthy and happy.

 

I love you.

 

I have not sent it but im not sure. Should I wait then send it or send it now or not at all

[MissCanuck]

Don't send it at all.

 

She knows how you feel. You don't need to repeat it. This is the second time she's left; it's time to stop campaigning for her attention and love and start working towards acceptance that this is over.

 

I don't mean to be blunt, but I have received a similar letter in the past and all it did was make me feel horribly guilty for hurting him. But it didn't change my mind and make me want to try again. When it's done, it's done. She can't help how she feels, just as you can't help how you feel. Rather than bargaining and negotiating with her, write it all out as a therapeutic tool for you - but don't send it. It won't have the affect you want and you will more than likely regret it later.

[Last Gentleman]

I was up really late last night writing a big letter to send to her. It wasnt begging for her to talk to me or for her to get back with me. I was explaining how I felt about the situation and giving my reasoning to each of her "points" to breaking up with me. I feel that I should send it but im unsure.

 

I wish i could share it here but its probably a bit too personal. Basically she gave me 7 reasons why she split up with me, literally 6/7 were one time arguments or small silly things so i gave my opinion to each. I then went onto say that if you read this and you still think that this is your true reasons for a breakup then I agree that we should not be together - because i cant be with someone who clearly isnt ready for a fully committed relationship etc.

The end of it is me telling her how intelligent she is, good family, beautiful etc etc and i say that whether you think about everything i have said for our relationship or a future one im glad ive helped you learn and grow as a person.

 

Final sentence is I wish you the very best. I do not expect to hear from you after this but I want to say I do love you with my whole heart and more and I never meant any unhappiness or hurt to you in this relationship. Keep yourself healthy and happy.

 

I love you.

 

I have not sent it but im not sure. Should I wait then send it or send it now or not at all

 

Why would you beg a woman that was so manipulative, she isn't worth talking to period, she will never admit being wrong anyway so just let it go !

 

All the closure you need is in this, she doesn't care about you, so you move on and don't give a rats ass about her too.

[Mikey383]

This whole situation is driving me nuts. She keeps acting like she doesnt want this but wont speak to me? Ive been completely reasonable and asked to talk to her or i want her to block me, she wont do either. It sounds stupid I know. But i find it so hard to just walk away from someone, im a real fixer, i like to sort things.

 

Why is she reading my messages but not speaking to me, and not just blocking me if she wants me out her life that badly?

 

Because

Your messages, feed her "EGO"....

And as long as you feed her "EGO" she will always see you as this "DOORMAT" that she can wave a finger at and you will be there...

Blocking/unblocking/blocking: Very immature... Kids do that to be spiteful and adults do that just to inflict pain on the other person... Social media is now used as a form of revenge... Soon, she will be posting pictures of her and her new victim... Right in your face... I totally, totally, totally agree with the Last Gentleman.... Everything will be done to get a rouse out of you, to keep you hooked, to keep you confused and thinking why this and why do that... Ultimately it is to keep you on the backburner, and still somehow engaged, which it boosts her "EGO"... And gives her an upper hand... Best thing to do is walk away and don't say a word, do not follow her on social media... This will only hurt you further, while she will be living it up...

[Mikey383]

Literally the pain i feel right now is completely indescribable. Its worse because she lives so close to me, i live in a small city where you can always bump into each other, everyone knows each others business. And I just know it will be the exact same as last year, she'll go out partying and probably speak to someone new. Oh yeah she did that last year too, 3 weeks after we split i found out she was going on walks and cinema dates with some guy, she actually posted a pic of this place they went a walk yet she never did that with me lol. Why did i get back with her honestly?! Its gona go the same way, she'll find someone new straight away. I feel sick to the stomach, my confidence has been shattered well and truly.

 

Dude

 

Realize this: And see what she has done to you already...Exactly what she set out to do...Emotionally brake you, so that it will take you a long time to move on... (that way you will remain as an option)... You are being discarded until further need...

Your ex is an emotional Vampire and very selfish... (She is a Narc)....

You were a toy, the toy got old, she wants new toys... She wants to feel that EUPHORIA of unrealistic love non-stop... You mentioned that she said that you are BORING... Her idea of a relationship is constant fun...Ok... What about when the rubber meets the pavement? Oh...she ran...

 

My ex was exactly the same, acted the same, done the same things, told me the same..., wanted the same, wanted non-stop euphoric love and validation, needy, greedy, selfish, cunning, block/unblock... Tactics... Oh, and jumped on the new victim within weeks... So do expect it... I did...

 

Walk away...

[Someadvice18]

Dude

 

Realize this: And see what she has done to you already...Exactly what she set out to do...Emotionally brake you, so that it will take you a long time to move on... (that way you will remain as an option)... You are being discarded until further need...

Your ex is an emotional Vampire and very selfish... (She is a Narc)....

You were a toy, the toy got old, she wants new toys... She wants to feel that EUPHORIA of unrealistic love non-stop... You mentioned that she said that you are BORING... Her idea of a relationship is constant fun...Ok... What about when the rubber meets the pavement? Oh...she ran...

 

My ex was exactly the same, acted the same, done the same things, told me the same..., wanted the same, wanted non-stop euphoric love and validation, needy, greedy, selfish, cunning, block/unblock... Tactics... Oh, and jumped on the new victim within weeks... So do expect it... I did...

 

Walk away...

 

Thanks for this. I appreciate it. It makes sense. Its just hard to see the bad side in soemone you love so much. I will get there eventually though.

 

Every single person I have spoken to has told me I shouldnt be with her. It will take time but I'll realize this eventually, I hope.