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I don’t respect boundaries - he hit me


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Hi there, I am having trouble being too harsh on myself after a fight with my partner. Partner and I have been together for over 2 years and known each other for the past 8. Lately, we have been having problems related to boundaries.


He asked me to move out a year ago and since, we have been dating and seeing each other about four times per week. He is adamant that he needs days off. There is very little to no contact during days off.


I struggle being independent and the days off have really helped me find happiness outside of the relationship. But I do wonder if we are moving forward or if we are just getting to a breaking point.


Last night we got into a fight after I tried to change his mind about going out. He became enraged when I said it was early. We had just had dinner and I had slept for the past 30 minutes. He was tired. I was selfish for trying to manipulate the situation. I discovered the error in my ways and told him it was ok to go home.


During the ride home he began demanding that I leave him alone and not speak to him. I kept asking him what had I done to derseve that treatment. He didn’t open his mouth. When we got home he ran to the bedroom and locked the door because I wanted to talk and he didn’t. He pleaded for me to let him be. I kept trying to open the door. He ignored me for close to an hour. I need to grab my suitcase so I could leave. Both he and I knew that he opened the door, I would try to invade his space. He began to throw my clothes and belonging out of the window. I ran to the deck and collected my things but I was at this point at my very breaking point. I began banging and kicking the bedroom door. He got up and came rushing to the door and opened it. When he saw me he grabbed by my shirt collar and yelled “you do not destroy my property”. He threw me across the hall where I landed on my head and neck. He then grabbed me and rushed me down the sites with my things. He threw me and our dog out into the mud room. I had no way to get back in the house. I left and haven’t been back.


I reached out and apologized.

I told him to take time and distance. He is not responding to text messages. He left all of my belongings in his mud room for a friend to pick up.


I feel shame for having apologized and disclosed that I would forgive him and put this in the past. He has not acknowledged me or his behavior in any way.


Please enlighten me, if you can.

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You two seem very dysfunctional. Pushing and pushing and not knowing when to stop is a recipe for disaster and you will never have a successful relationship. Pick up your stuff and Learn from this experience and learn to respect boundaries in future. Maybe you can both benefit from some form of counselling. Separately.

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No no no no no no bad very bad run away never go back!!!!!!


I’ve been in a relationship where my partner started carving out more and more space for himself. That relationship sapped my self esteem and left me lonely and insecure (and completely depressed). To this day I do believe he at least thought he loved me but we were not a good match. Physical violence is your ex burning the bridge and throwing electric eels and crocodiles into the river below, you deserve so much more than this!

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So you emotionally badgered him the entire night trying to push an argument he was adamant about not having, and then you physically imposed on him and effectively had him cornered in the bedroom in his own home, violently striking at his door. In most people's world, you'd be considered a threat, and rightfully so. Obviously his fault was in not calling the police on you when you refused to leave his place, but talk about poking a bear in its own den. To be honest, I'm not even willing to call him abusive as much as simply unintelligent in his reaction in that situation. You really could have called the police and he would have, sadly, likely have been charged. Dude's gotta behave more responsibly if not simply for his own sake.


In any case, he is a "bear," and if your propensity is to emotionally and physically impose, it's truly in the best interest of your physical safety to stop apologizing, write this guy off, and really consider some form of therapy before you catch yourself pulling these antics with the wrong guy.

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