Is it a turn-off to tell someone "It's OK if you're not interested, but..." before you ask them out?

[NotSure4358]

There's this girl that I've known for a while, and I think I can feel something starting to happen between us. The thing is, I'm not 100% sure. Since she and I share a lot of mutual friends, it's not like it's a situation where I'll be able to avoid seeing her again. So, with that in mind, here's my question: is it a turn-off to include a phrase to the effect of, "It's OK if you don't feel the same way, but..." when asking a girl out? I just don't want her to feel awkward or bad if she's not interested, that's all.

[Cope]

No no, definitely don't start with that. That shows low confidence. Also, by stating it, it's kind of like telling her what to feel and you don't want that. It's weird, but it's how people work sometimes. IF she declines, then say, aw that's ok, I'm glad I asked or something. That said, you really got to work on your confidence in general!

[Sportster2005]

It's a turn off. Just ask her out. It's implied that she doesn't feel the same way, when she says no. Just handle the rejection camly and with savoir faire and go about your business as nothing happened.

[boltnrun]

Big time turn off.

 

It's like you're saying "I expect you to reject me" while hanging your head.

 

No way is that attractive.

 

Simply ask her "I'd like to take you to xyz. Would you like to join me?"

[Jibralta]

Yes, it's a turn off. It's like literally turning a switch off.

[NotSure4358]

Thanks guys (and gals)! Confidence isn't the issue, I just didn't want her to feel bad or awkward.

 

On that note, lemme add one follow-up question: part of me was thinking of asking her out by text (because that gives her time to think and respond rather than being put on the spot), and another part of me thinks that asking by phone, while technically putting her on the spot more, shows more confidence. So what do you think--text, or call?

[Hollyj]

No, no no. Just ask her out.

 

I would prefer the phone.

[boltnrun]

Phone. Not text.

 

Often people text because they think it's easier to accept rejection from words on a phone screen rather than the voice of the person they're asking. But it's more impressive and shows a sincere effort if you call.

 

And do not give her a weak "out"! Just ask, she will say yes or no.

[abitbroken]

Don't talk about feelings when you first ask someone out. Just ask her out to do something she is mutually interested in. No "confessions". If it goes well and you both have a good time, suggest another activity after that.

[Sportster2005]

Thanks guys (and gals)! Confidence isn't the issue, I just didn't want her to feel bad or awkward.

 

On that note, lemme add one follow-up question: part of me was thinking of asking her out by text (because that gives her time to think and respond rather than being put on the spot), and another part of me thinks that asking by phone, while technically putting her on the spot more, shows more confidence. So what do you think--text, or call?

 

She wants to go out with you, or she doesn't. I will go as far to say if a woman has to think about it, I wouldn't waste my time with her.

 

Ask her in person. If not possible then phone her. Then again texting is becoming more acceptable with each generation. Use your best judgement.

 

And awkwardness is a fact of life in dating. It's going to happen. Don't fear it. It just is. You can't take all risk out of dating. If you could, would it really be any fun?