Can't find the one because my dad governs the house!

[Starshine]

Hey there all,

I don't know what to do! I'm trying to find the special someone, but I'm constantly being governed by my parents' choices. They think they have a say in everything to do with my life and I love and respect them for it. But they're a bit traditional and religious and in the long run I think they're expecting me to marry a guy of their choice and settle down. But

I'm not okay with it. I believe if I want to marry someone it'll have to be for love alone or nothing. Not to mention that I have ambitions that I prioritize than all this. I'm just afraid that there is a sword hanging over my head called 'marriage' and it'd fall any moment and I don't like it. (Not that my parents have indicated such a thing. There is no one in their knowledge that they could marry me off to... which is a satisfaction for me!)

But Selfish as it may seem... if..if...if the choice is to be made I want it to be mine. The problem is I don't have my sights set on anyone either. I've been an introvert pretty much my entire life and find it difficult to even make friends. So finding love is like a big big picture.

All thanks to my dad and his governing people tendencies.

I'm just not okay with all this any more!

Plus another thing is my Parents don't let me out alone on my own so that I could get to know life in my way. I have a job as well and strangely they don't mind me being away from home for half of the day when it's work related (They know me to be very professional)But when it comes to going out on weekends on my own and having some fun. I think they don't trust me. Even if I manage to go out on my own just for a morning walk. There's that emotional blackmail called 'We trust you!' which I can see in their eyes. I know this may seem off topic. But the thing is that if I don't get to go out besides work. How in the world am I going to find the person I want to find. I'm frustrated and feel like running away or take a long-vacation alone. But I can't even do that. (I just started my career and I'm saving up for some stuff.)

 

Any advice people.

I really need one...and I don't have many people I can ask this from. Just a younger sister who is two years younger than me and we're both pretty much in the same boat.

[DanZee]

How old are you and what country are you in? In some countries families exert more influence in the lives of young women than others. You can also get a job that pays enough for you to move out and live on your own. Then you can make decisions on your own. You and your sister can pool your money together for an apartment.

[Starshine]

26, Yep you're right! Currently I'm... let's just say somewhere where we do have cultural restrictions. (Although there are variations depending on the household!) But I've grown up with values of my own and currently feeling suffocated at having my life run by everyone except me!

[katrina1980]

I don't understand, so you are not allowed to go on dates or socialize with friends?

 

How utterly oppressive, what culture is this?

 

You are 26, have a job, would it be possible for you to move out on your own? Do other women in your culture live on their own?

 

How do you think your parents would react if you told them it's time for you to be out on your own, experiencing LIFE?

 

Might ruffle some feathers at first, but eventually would they accept it?

 

Change has to start somewhere! It's certainly not ever gonna come from them, so that leaves you to initiate change.

 

Stay strong! What's happening to you right now is not healthy.

[Wiseman2]

It seems you grew up in both cultures, your own and the country your parents brought you to. Also it seems in your culture arranged marriages are a known understanding that you and your family are well aware of. Have they made any effort in finding guys for you to date? How much choice do you have in getting set up with a future husband? At what age are you expected to marry and leave the parental home?

let's just say somewhere where we do have cultural restrictions.

[Starshine]

. Have they made any effort in finding guys for you to date? How much choice do you have in getting set up with a future husband? At what age are you expected to marry and leave the parental home?

Most of your assumptions are true! And no they don't seem to be making any efforts in that area. One they don't know anyone good enough (that's my mom) and two I think they simply don't care (that's my Dad). (Not that it matters to me either like I said I have my ambitions to think of too)

And I think I hold enough choice to say No!. I mean I know they'd consider my choices.

God knows what age it's just that I am not going to sit around and wait for miracles to happen. In either department Love or ambitions I believe I need to do something about this! I just am not sure what?

 

I don't have friends whom I can talk about this... I mean I have always learnt to deal with my problems on my own. And I don't think my friends would want to hear about this stuff! I'm just not comfortable so I discussed it here.

[ThatwasThen]

Have you talked to your parents about how you're feeling? Perhaps they'll speed up THEIR search for the perfect guy for you. You aren't doing anything to change yourself so you can't expect them to do anything either.

 

What are your goals. You are 26 years old and you have started your career so what is stopping you from finding your own apartment and going out on your own on the weekends? You are an adult now so time to make some adult decision or at the very least, have an adult conversation with your parents in a respectful manner.