Are boundaries old fashioned?

[reinventmyself]

You absolutely need to set boundaries for others in their interactions with you.

 

Boundaries are what you consider acceptable interactions or not.

 

Mutual boundaries are how relationships are built, romantic or not.

 

My wife and I have boundaries to not sleep with other people. She knows that bound, and if she crosses it she knows the consequences. That was an established boundary for both of us by both of us.

 

You set boundaries for yourself and how people interact with you. Not just your actions.

 

Just to clarify, my understanding of having boundaries is about having personal limits on how you will and will not tolerate being treated by others.

It's not about adjusting or controlling anyone else's behavior.

[thealchemist]

Just to clarify, my understanding of having boundaries is about having personal limits on how you will and will not tolerate being treated by others.

It's not about adjusting or controlling anyone else's behavior.

I tried to imply that with my post.

 

A boundary represents the expected causality of an action.

 

It isn't about controlling.

 

Just about clear cut action\reactions.

 

If I tell my wife I will leave her if she sleeps with someone that isn't controlling her.

 

That is simply telling her how I will react to a circumstance.

 

But boundaries can be used to adjust behavior.

 

I don't think it is a big deal but my wife gets upset if I crash at a girl's place. I care about her so I won't do it because I know that is a boundary for her on being comfortable with it.

 

I could choose to disregard it and make her upset.

 

But I would rather just adjust my behavior because I understand it is a boundary for her.

 

So I do feel that boundaries can legitimately help in adjusting interactions.

 

But never control. You can't really control anyone anyways.

[reinventmyself]

I tried to imply that with my post.

 

 

I included your post, not to challenge it but to agree with it :)

[thealchemist]

I included your post, not to challenge it but to agree with it :)

Oh ok.

 

I can sometimes be a bit convoluted, just wanting to be sure my point came across.