I'm so confused, lost, frustrated, heartbroken. Help.

[Krisss]

I'm going to try to get through this without writing a novel.

 

My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up officially since the first week of December. We were living together and then he moved all his things out and he left.

 

We did not speak to each other for about 3 days and then we picked back up and I was trying to do everything to make it work. He was coming back over, sleeping over everyday - calling me babe, baby etc. We were sleeping together, it was as if we were back together. So i mentioned it and he was just like I will ask you to be my girlfriend, I will ask you when i'm ready etc. I was just so confused because if we were working on it, already doing everything we already were, why the hesitation and why do we need to wait?

 

Anyways this lasted for a little over a month. Then he started to go out and come home at 6am, was not spending as much time with me. I was feeling very neglected and he was being secretive. So i started questioning what he was doing, who he was hanging out with etc. I guess he did not like that.

 

Almost 3 weeks ago, he told me we weren't going to see each other any more because he was overwhelmed and wanted to be alone. So, I said okay. I did not beg him, i told him i respected his decision. He then stated I would not hear from him for a while.

 

Well, this lasted until 3 days when he called me asking if he was to see me at a mutual friends birthday party. He told me he missed me, and wanted to see me there etc. So i held out hope I'd see him. & he never showed up.

 

That night I got so upset I messaged him asking why he had not gone and he just said he did not know. i left it alone.

 

2 days after that, he called me at 5:30am. He said he had had a bad dream with me and wanted to make sure I was okay cause he did not feel right and missed me and that he was not doing okay alone. I told him to talk to me about it and he said he could not. (he has PTSD from serving in the military prior and has issues with his emotions, etc.)

 

So i again, let it go. But then later that day because I heard how sad he sounded, I tried to reach out to see if he wanted to do dinner or lunch to talk, and he turned me down but continued to text me just talking about whatever. We exchanged I miss you's once or twice and then after just left it at that.

 

THEN last weekend, I saw him out downtown. To keep it short, he saw me, he grabbed me, he held me, he kissed me in front of everyone, he told me he missed me, and I just walked away from him. Then towards the end of the night he called me 4x drunk, and ended up coming over. He spent the weekend with me until he got up for work sunday morning at 4am.

 

The whole time he was with me, it was all i missed you, i love you so much. Cuddling, cooking dinner, (we slept together twice) - he would hold me and kiss me and tell me he was mad at himself for being back here because he fights with himself for his feelings for me but his feelings always win and etc. So then when he was leaving, I asked when I would see him again and he said he did not know. Then I said okay and asked if he would text me later? To which he said he would.

 

I did not hear a peep. I was left so distraught because how could he do that and then just disappear. AND I WAS NOT GOING TO REACH OUT TO HIM. It hurt me so damn bad that he told me everything he did and acted how he did ( i know he loves me ) and then just ghosted me. So i did not reach out and started implementing NC.

 

Then this weekend, I heard from him again. I woke up saturday morning to 10 missed calls from him starting at 5:30 am until 6:30 am - He was drunk, and had gone out. I saw on snapchat.

 

I did not answer any of his calls and then he texted me "I'm drunk and I miss you" at 5:30am

At 9am he texted me again "Ignore that"

 

& so i did just that. I did not call back, reply nothing.

 

Then monday morning, i wake up to two more missed calls (he had been out drinking that night too) at 6:30am & another text saying "Just calling to see if you're doing okay"

 

?????????????????????????? WHAT

I again, did not answer or respond. I am so confused. What the hell is he doing. I have researched and saw that it is breadcrumbs but i just dont understand. I KNOW HE LOVES ME, and he says he "fights" his feelings for me. But why can he fight AGAINST me, and not WITH me or FOR me.

 

Is this his way of having his cake and eating it too? He said he wanted to be alone, why if he wanted that, does he seem to not want to be alone.

 

AND WHY ON EARTH do i feel bad for ignoring him?

 

Yes I want him back but i am just so confused, today would be complete NC from me, for 9 days. I'm so confused, lost, frustrated, heartbroken.

 

Any and ALL advice would be so appreciated.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. He never wanted to live together or have that stress or that level of commitment and he was very clear about it. He sounds pretty messed up. Stop hoping to fix him or get him back. Being on booty call for him won't get him back. All he wanted was a casual situation and now you are going along with that. Block and delete so you can heal and find guys more in line with what you are looking for. Go slow and get to know someone before insisting he move in.

[Krisss]

Well actually I think you have it a bit wrong. I never insisted he move in. We had lived together for a few months before the breakup, i even told him after the break up that we should take things without him moving back in and see how it works like that. I only asked him about us being boyfriend/girlfriend again because all that changed was him not living there anymore, which i was fine with.

 

I did not understand why we were doing the same things, and why we couldn't be "official" anymore.

 

I just feel so damn confused. Why is he bread crumbing me, or calling me 10x back to back to back. Or even asking if im okay?

[DancingFool]

Yes, sadly this is just breadcrumbs. Sure he misses you when he is feeling lonely, horny, maybe some chic he was chasing after when he was being secretive didn't work out, but ultimately, he is not committed to a relationship with you and that's that. He is not afraid to lose you and that's all you need to know about this.

 

Continue NC. If his drunken texts bother you, then block him. Either way, do what it takes for you to move on. You deserve better than a guy who'll just jerk you around like that. A guy who is really truly into you will not act like this.

[Andrina]

A guy who loves you would always pull out all of the stops to make it work before throwing in the towel. He doesn't care enough. He wants sex without the daily effort of a beautiful, committed relationship. You've been giving him what he wants whenever he reaches out, so why should he stop contacting you?

 

The questions you should be asking are why you don't think of yourself as the treasure, and that a man has to treat you right, and like the special person you are, to stay in your life.

 

Block him from contacting you, or change your number if need be. You're going to keep being sent back to square one every time he throws you a line if you're not proactive about the healing process.