Moved to be with my boyfriend

[Kase]

I'm hoping that by posting my story here I can get unbiased opinions about my situation. To begin I am 24 years old and have been dating my 34 year old boyfriend for 2 years this month. Our first 2 years were spent together in my hometown. He lived on his own and I lived with my parents. We moved in together and it lasted for only a week before I left due to us fighting but we stayed in the relationship.

 

Fast forward to this past September, he accepted a job 6 hours away from where we both live and we have been doing long distance up until last Saturday. This past Saturday I packed up my dog and my belongings and moved to Ohio without a job. At home I had a part time job and was close to my family but now I am completely isolated, minus my boyfriend. Prior to my arrival my boyfriend had been renting but decided that it made sense financially to own a home. This past week has not only been my 1st week ever living away from my family but it is also the 1st week of living in this house. We also made the decision to adopt a dog, in addition to the dog he has and my dog that I brought. My day typically consists of being alone with the dogs for 12 hours. I currently don't have a job here and the past two job interviews I went to turned me down. There aren't many opportunities for me here and the only reason I moved was because he is here and I believed this was the right decision.

 

While moving and owning a new home comes with its own stresses my boyfriend has been acting terribly towards me. This includes talking down to me as if I am a child and just being a plain bully towards me. I am trying to remind myself that he is under stress but the way in which he reacts to the stress typically makes me the primary target. Don't get me wrong, our relationship isn't all terrible but part of me wonders if I am simply not ready to be the kind of person he needs me to be. Our age difference definitely doesn't help matters. He is already grown into the person he is going to be and I still have yet to figure that part out. I love him and he is my best friend but I don't know if that's enough. This is my first and only serious relationship and I am deathly afraid that I may be settling because I don't know if there is someone out there who is more compatible for me.

 

Our relationship has been challenging from having to deal with the disapproval of my parents attempting to overcome our age difference. After our blow up two nights ago I have been seriously considering moving back home. Part of me thinks that there is a reason it didn't work before and that there's a reason it isn't working now. But at the same time, he makes me laugh and I don't know if I want to go home because I'm homesick or because I am not ready for this serious of a commitment.

 

My mom has mentioned that when I am around him it seems like I am on edge because I don't want to do anything to cause him to yell at me. Hearing that from my mom has also caused me to reevaluate our relationship and whether or not this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

 

I guess I am just posting this in hopes that someone out there has been in a situation like mine and can offer some guidance or advice. Even if there isn't its just nice conversing with individuals who don't know me or my boyfriend personally.

[Cope]

A completely unbiased opinion,at least from your situation, is that you are way too young and inexperienced to be doing this. Not that you can't, mind you, youjust don't need this right now. You need to go date the s**t out of people, have fun, go to parties, plan your life for you and not around someone else. Find out who you are.

 

When I was 19 I dated a 48 year old. I know exactly what you feel. I only understood how stupid it is for someone 30 +to date someone in their earlier 20s when a 20 year old had a crush on me when I was 30. Well, it's not about him, this is about you. Trust me when I say, you don't need this.

[rosephase]

What has changed since the first failed attempt at living together that makes you think it'll work better this time? He takes his anger and frustration out on you? What does that look like?

 

I wouldn't want to stay with someone who bullies me or talks down to me. That sounds like it could be abusive. If the people who are closest to you don't treat you with respect it's very easy to assume that this is how you deserve to be treated. Trust me when I say that you could have a partner that makes you laugh and treats you with respect... even if they are stressed out.

[Betterwithout]

Too much too soon. This is a lot of pressure for you. You have two choices, but IMO moving back home is a better choice.

Ask yourself, in 2 years from now, which decision do you think will likely be the better one?

[Kase]

I totally get what you're saying. However, I have never really been the person to go to parties and on dates. I guess I'm what you would call an "old soul". My fear is that I will end this relationship and down the road regret doing so.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Stop following him around the country or babysitting his dogs and house. Also it seems you are not compatible and he's a bit abusive. Move back home to friends and family and your job. Don't stay there.

He lived on his own and I lived with my parents. We moved in together and it lasted for only a week before I left due to us fighting but we stayed in the relationship.

[indea08]

If you leave this relationship, there will be days that you regret it. There will be nights you wish he was next to you, and times that you feel like you made the wrong decision. That's normal, that's part of going through a breakup. But in those times, you remember everything you just posted about, and you remind yourself of how hard it was. And as the days pass you'll understand more and more why it didn't work out.

 

The alternative is to stay and regret it. You'll never have the chance to find someone better suited for you. You'll continue carrying all the stress and questions you're carrying now. But you'll tell yourself that if you leave, then you've wasted all these years, so you'll stay and believe that it'll get better, but it wont.

 

Rule of thumb: always listen to your parents. They (in most cases) always have your best interest at heart, and they know you better than anyone. They raised you, and they love you unconditionally. They will tell you what you need to hear, because they want the best for you.

[Cope]

I totally get what you're saying. However, I have never really been the person to go to parties and on dates. I guess I'm what you would call an "old soul". My fear is that I will end this relationship and down the road regret doing so.

 

That's exactly what I told myself.

 

You will realise how bad you are willing to lie to yourself about in order to stay in a relationship that you think you want only when you break up. It sucks, but that's how life works. Eventually you will get th hang of it and leave relationships when it is really time to.

 

 

edit to add: Also, I truly believe this, if two people are meant to be together, they will be. Take your time to find yourself and if he is truly your soulmate, it will happen in the future. Right now you both seem to need some time to focus on yourselves.

 

ps the only thing I regretted was that I didn't end it earlier.