Dealing with day to day anxiety and depression

[snkv]

Maybe just another vent, but I need to have a third-party express an opinion on this.

 

I am currently in a repeating cycle of empty days after two consecutive breakups, last of which was a complete 180 because "it just happened".

 

Turns out it is for an older, than me (I am 28), 34+ year old man, who is of course rich. Needless to say, this broke me really bad.

 

But all this has lead its way to a whole new layer of personal issues for me. All my attempts at socializing are being rejected by either male or female friends. Everyone is telling me that this is okay, and it will get better. Each and everyday however, feels worse than the previous one.

 

Work is alright, but just that, for now it allows me relatively good but small savings, but I feel like I have reached a peak in my career in city, pay-wise. Each and every day I get visual motives and cues that lead me to believe the only way of getting and keeping a "SO" is to have an abundance of money and an aim in life, which is almost destroyed for me after the last personal life hiccup.

 

Nearly everyone around me is either in a relationship or married, I try and try to fit in, but it somehow feels off. And it gets worse day by day.

 

I am doing whatever I can to improve my financial status, personal image, I try to do good for whoever, wherever, whenever, I don't expect anything and I am still being hit below the belt.

 

I am 28, 6'3" (193cm) , 227 lbs (102 kg), athletic muscular body type with broad shoulders, and nearly everything I always admired growing up. Personal grooming standards, clothing, fragrances. Only to be told that "I look scary sometimes" , "You look like a bad person" and I feel like I have this radiant aura that pushes people away from me like magic. I am not in any way pretending to be someone, or acting to be liked, I am doing me. And me doesn't seem to fit in this world.

 

The right ones will stay, and the fake ones will go, as the saying goes, but this is going on and on and on. My current social circle consists of my colleague at work, and 1 friend from my hometown, with whom we go to the movies from time to time.

 

As I said, I am 28 now, and during my 22 to 27 I was trying to develop myself career-wise, which lead to some good and bad positions, and during the time I skipped on some of the things that young people do, and now I feel like my time flows away without a reason. I keep on being reminded by family and friends that I need a family of my own. My mind has become a fog of false hopes and self-doubt, without a fully logical reason. It's like everything I have been trying to make right and build throughout the years so far was pointless.

 

In the past 5 months I have been sleeping between 4-5 hours of good sleep or sometimes rolling around in my bed, and the strange thing is I have energy throughout the day and later in the GYM. I am trying to escape this loophole, but every attempt at going out, meeting people has either been a passive/active rejection or mishap. I even tried calling old colleagues and friends, but everyone is either having an excuse, or is being busy. I started taking sleep-enhancing pills, tribulus-terestis, fish oils, zma, you name it, nothing helps.

 

While I am a strong-minded person, I really don't see how this is getting any better, with me approaching 30.

[IAmFCA]

um, this isnt helpful and ill have more time later, but just want to say... i understand this! i do! i think its a timing thing and not a you thing, you sound great. i mean, i get it, some big questions etc, but that's not a bad thing.

 

question - are you an introvert? i just read some research about INTJs and their resting face and happy face. wondering if relevant.

[snkv]

Most of my life I have been an introvert, but in the past 4 years I have moved on from my shyness , and have actually grown my confidence to the point where attractive people start to feel shy from time to time. Most of the new people I meet seem almost intimidated by me, and I try to act normal and friendly towards them. I am starting to doubt my physical presence, starting to look at myself as an unwanted tool, you know, the ones you buy but never use. I start to feel like I am meant to live alone.

[90_hour_sleep]

My first vibe (and I may just be projecting my own world here...) is that you're trying very hard to fit a mold. To be a very specific "something" that you're convinced is what other people will find appealing. It has very little to do with who you are or what you want. You may have been following this for so long that you don't actually know what you want anymore. There may not be a sense of an autonomous self. It's there, but you don't know him anymore. You've forgotten.

 

I wonder if you have your own sense of autonomy. If there's a drive inside of you. If there are things that you want that aren't part of some collective dream.

 

I don't get the sense that you're giving people any part of yourself when you're interacting. You're playing a part. Projecting an image that you think is what they want (eg. Physically appealing, well-groomed, affluent, financially successful, capable). Nothing wrong with any of those qualities. But it's easy to hide behind those things without actually giving people anything of yourself.

 

Not sure that will make any sense.

 

Do you often feel like you need to be "more" than what you are? That you need to achieve to be liked or valued?

I'm guessing you have really high expectations of yourself.

 

I'm definitely relating to myself here, so don't take it personally if it feels way off.

 

I do know that the way you're feeling is very common. And maybe you can just sit with that feeling and give yourself permission to just be okay with not having it all figured out.

 

When was the last time you did something fun?

[ThatwasThen]

You're a big guy... do you do any sports at all? Why not join a co-ed league in volley ball or baseball or soccer or something and see how you fair meeting and making both opposite and same sex friends?

 

There is also meetup.com and (depending on where you live) meetmarketadventures.com where singles do activities that can be sign up for.

 

6'3" and built sounds attractive from where I'm sitting. :) Get yourself out there and keep on keeping on.