What would you do?

[bettymoonblue]

Hi everyone

 

I thought I'd come and ask for some opinions. Back in September I travelled to another city in the UK (300 miles away from where I live) to attend a 2 day training course. When I arrived in the city I was travelling to, I had to take a local commuter train to my destination. I sat down next to a man as that was the only seat available. I was excited being in this city as I hadn't visited it for many yrs and it has a friendly down to earth vibe about it. It reminded me of the city I grew up in. Anyway because I was excited about this I wanted to interact with someone so I initiated a conversation with the guy I was sitting next to...started asking him how long it would take to reach my stop and how the city reminded me of my home city. He asked me why I was there and talked about a few other things. So we chatted I guess for about 15 minutes before he has to get off and we both said it was nice to meet eachother. He seemed so nice and I felt he seemed interested in talking to me. He was attractive but more importantly I felt this kind of inner knowing when I was talking with him, where you meet someone and you feel like you've known them a long time...like a soulmate feeling, which isn't something Ive experienced very often in my life. I'd love to meet him again to know if what I felt was real.

 

However, we didn't swap numbers or tell eachother our names. He could even be married for all I know. The only thing I know about him is where he works (a big well-known car company) and I have an idea about what his job is (it sounded like accountancy).

 

I'd really like to meet this guy again...what would you do? I thought I could go up there again and take a chance by getting the same commuter in the hope of bumping in to him again (I assume he gets he same train every day to and fro work). Its a very long journey to that city from where I live though. Or I could contact the company - but I don't know his name. I roughly remember the station where he got off the train, so I have a rough idea where he lives so that would narrow it down to the employees in the company. However it might also embarrass him if I did that! Of course he might not have felt the same thing either!

 

Part of me thinks this is bonkers, but another part of me thinks Ive nothing to lose and life is too short....if he's not interested or married or something, that would be totally cool. At least I'd know.

 

What would you do?

 

Thanks!

[reinventmyself]

I lean on the cautious side so I personally would let it go.

Especially in light of the fact that you two don't even live near each other.

The negatives outweigh the positives.

[WaywardKiwi]

Hi bettymoonblue,

 

I lean on the adventurous side, so I would personally go for it!

Sounds like a good meet-cute to me lol. Life may not be a rom-com, but sometimes life can imitate art.

Plus, you say you enjoyed the city, so might be a nice weekend away to visit and explore more in any event.

 

There are no guarantees of course, but if I were in his position and I were attracted/interested in you, I would totally dig you turning up on the train again. Plus, I can be a bit slow to act, so I most likely wouldn't have just given my number on the train. That may just be me though.

 

One word of warning is not to put too much on it though - you may not see him again, he may be unavailable or uninterested, he may even find it weird or a turn-off that you turned up. But as you say, life is short and you don't really have a lot of info. As long as you have your eyes open and can enjoy yourself on the weekend regardless, I don't see the harm.

 

P.S. the calling the company thing may be a bit too far for me lol.

 

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide!

 

T

[bettymoonblue]

Thanks reinventmyself and WaywardKiwi for both of your replies!

 

I understand what you say reinventmyself, it is definitely a risk and possibly more negatives but I guess like WaywardKiwi, I'm an adventurous type too and Ive decided to go up there for a weekend, as you suggested WaywardKiwi I do know someone else that lives in that region of the UK, even though it's not in the same city as that guy, but I guess I'll have to do a bit of a detour and see if I do bump into him again! Who knows but I think its worth a try. Thanks for the feedback re getting in touch with the company WaywardKiwi, I think you're probably right there! I'm sure it would have come across as a bit weird lol

 

thanks again both I'll post again if I have anything interesting to report!

[ThatwasThen]

If things were reversed and some dude who I had a 15 min. conversation on a commuter train stalked me and found me out, phoned my workplace or even got off at my stop and enquired around... I'd be terrified... even if he just said he'd like to take me out to dinner.

 

Anyway, Call me the old cynic that I am, BUT with the logistics I would say if you're just looking for a fling then pursue it (if you must, I wouldn't) If you actually would want something serious with him then why would you want to when you live so far away? Have you fear of commitment? That's the only reason why I can see that anyone would go out of their way to find a guy that lives that far away who you know nothing about. Its wrought with fantasy as well as high odds of failure.

 

Think hard about this before you venture on.

[bettymoonblue]

Hi ThatwasThen, thanks for your reply. I haven't done anything that would be classed as stalking. Stalking involves repeated behaviours over a period of time. I had just been thinking about increasing my chances of bumping into him again. I certainly wouldn't want to embarrass him at all and if we did bump into eachother again (eg if I took the same train, which was what I was mainly thinking about. I wouldn't have contacted the company) and I feel we didn't have any connection, or I didnt get any vibe that he was interested in me I would just forget about it. I certainly wouldn't pursue it at all. I had a stalker in the past and I'm aware of inappropriate behaviours.

 

No, I'm not looking for a fling and I'm not commitment phobic. I can't say if I'm looking for anything serious as clearly I don't know the guy, having just met him once As I said in my first post we'd have to meet again to know if we really did get on and obviously he'd have to feel the same way too.

[Batya33]

Hi ThatwasThen, thanks for your reply. I haven't done anything that would be classed as stalking. Stalking involves repeated behaviours over a period of time. I had just been thinking about increasing my chances of bumping into him again. I certainly wouldn't want to embarrass him at all and if we did bump into eachother again (eg if I took the same train, which was what I was mainly thinking about. I wouldn't have contacted the company) and I feel we didn't have any connection, or I didnt get any vibe that he was interested in me I would just forget about it. I certainly wouldn't pursue it at all. I had a stalker in the past and I'm aware of inappropriate behaviours.

 

No, I'm not looking for a fling and I'm not commitment phobic. I can't say if I'm looking for anything serious as clearly I don't know the guy, having just met him once As I said in my first post we'd have to meet again to know if we really did get on and obviously he'd have to feel the same way too.

 

I think it's a bad idea because he will know/find out that you went to all that trouble just to bump into him again and even if he were interested in you that would strike him as over the top creepy. The most I would do is possibly find him on Linkedin (because it's a professional site) and see if he will link in with you. Sometimes people post photos, etc.

[Wiseman2]

Although you thought this was kismet, notice after a 15 min chat including why you were in town, your home town, etc., he never asked for your number, suggested coffee etc. Keep in mind, you approached him, he was was just being a polite commuter.

I was excited about this I wanted to interact with someone so I initiated a conversation with the guy I was sitting next to.

[WaywardKiwi]

Hi all,

 

Just stopped by this older thread to see what everyone else said - boooo to all you cynics lol :welcoming:

 

Bettymoonblue, bump for an update!

 

Thanks,

 

T