Reconciled after 14 years

[askdan]

I first joined eNotalone in February of 2004 with my ex-fiancee left me. After a very difficult 3.5 years and several valiant attempts at reconciliation, I was going nowhere.

2007: meeting a very attractive lady and got married the following year. No contact at all with my ex.

 

Fast-forward a decade: officially divorced after ex-wife has left. Several unsuccessful attempts at reconciliation. Ex-fiancee heard of my divorce and reached out this past May. She said that she has never stopped loving me and regretted breaking up the engagement in 2004.

 

We are now back together for the first time since February 2004, 14 years later, and discussing wedding plans. The morale of this story, for all those reading and hoping to get back with an ex: plenty of time and space, and don't beg to get back together. For those with limited contact, always show the utmost respect to your ex and be ready to move on if he or she for whatever reason does not reciprocate.

 

For some, the No Contact may be the best strategy. For others, limited contact is appropriate. It is difficult to know which strategy to adopt as it depends on your ex's personality and circumstances. The morale of this story is to never give up hope and keep respecting your ex. I am not suggesting to wait 14 years as in my case, but you would be surprised at how difficult it is for an ex to move on after leaving you. Just wanted to give hope to people out there who needed most. Reconciliation is possible, even if it seems against all odds right now.

 

I will end this post with a final reminder: never give up hope, it's never as bad as you think it is. But for a potential future reconciliation down the road a few months or a few years from now, respect is fundamental.

[beanpot]

Wow. Kudos for you. That is a huge gap of time that you were able to reconcile. I am so glad that you two are still compatible as well. The only constant is change... and more often than not one loves the ex that they knew, and not necessarily the one person that they've become.

 

These long gap reconciliations always make me think of this song. Pardon the fact that is in Chinese, but there are English translations on this version. The melody is quite nice even if you can't understand the lyrics.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBrvmMKxACo

[DanZee]

That's great. But I think after 14 years you're both different people and you can look at this as a new relationship. I don't know why you broke up originally, but make sure you've put that issue to rest completely before making marriage plans or it will break you up again.

[Capttrae]

Congrats. It happens like that sometimes. Hope it all works out for y’all

[Kadbanoo]

Was very interesting to read your previous posts

[Silverbirch]

My ex brother-in-law broke his engagement with his high school sweetheart. I think it was related to something she did under the influence of alcohol. He had 2 marriages and divorces and then they met up around 25 years later. She had never married, but now rhey are married to each other, and as far as Zi know, are very happy.

[msjolunden]

Your other posts are so interesting given this new turn of events. Did you love her the whole time? What are you doing to address the original problems or do you not need to even?

[msjolunden]

The morale of this story is to never give up hope and keep respecting your ex. I am not suggesting to wait 14 years as in my case, but you would be surprised at how difficult it is for an ex to move on after leaving you. Just wanted to give hope to people out there who needed most. Reconciliation is possible, even if it seems against all odds right now.

 

I will end this post with a final reminder: never give up hope, it's never as bad as you think it is. But for a potential future reconciliation down the road a few months or a few years from now, respect is fundamental.

 

Sorry to bump this, but this story is really fascinating! So many questions....what was the reconciliation like? Did you realize you still loved her or you both had grown? How are you feeling about your ex wife at this point?

[askdan]

I have received lots of questions. I think that it’s human nature that you only realize what you had when you lose it. 10 years ago, it was my ex-fiancee seeing me with a beautiful wife that was her moment of deep regret. Now, the tables have turned. Ex-wife sees that I have reconciled with my Ex-fiancée and that is having a significant impact on her (ex-wife has been single for 4 years now). I don’t know if she regrets the divorce, but I have heard through mutual acquaintances that she is very lonely and miserable.

 

People should really look at their partners’ qualities instead of their faults, and work harder on their relationships. There would be less breakups, less divorces and less suffering.

 

My Ex-fiancée (now new girlfriend and future wife) is beyond happy that we are back together. She feels as if it’s a miracle. All of the negative stuff from the past is gone and has been addressed and fully resolved. She is a very loving and respectful partner today. She is now more beautiful than ever and goes out of her way for the relationship.

 

As for myself, I am extremely surprised at this very unusual turn of events.

 

I hope sharing my story will give hope to some people. You are all here because you are hoping for a future reconciliation and happily ever after down the road. As long as you give your ex lots of time and space and treat them with respect, you would be surprised at how the most difficult situations can dramatically change a few months or a few years down the road, even with the most extreme and unique situations.

 

Let me know if you have any questions and I will be more than happy to respond.

[msjolunden]

Thanks for responding! Your story gives me faith that if two people are meant to be together it will happen sooner or later. I do have a few more questions.

 

1. I'm assuming you are now in love with your ex-fiancee and new girlfriend and future wife. Did you ever stop loving her, or as you said, it just got buried?

2. How do you feel about yourself in the reconciliation? You mentioned how your ex fiancee/gf/current fiancee is beyond happy and is loving and respectful, and more beautiful than ever. How do you feel like you've matured and changed that made the relationship possible this time around?

3. Do you feel more like your true self around the ex fiancee since you knew eachother when you were younger?

 

Thanks again, it's rare that someone who has this happen and even rarer that they come back to report it!