was this bad?

[detox5]

Ok i dunno why, but i kinda was feeling low today, my ex is going on holiday for 2 weeks, and i texted her "thinking of you, gonna miss you when you go away" she replied quick saying eh? that was a tad random! i dont go away till mid may anyway"

I replied saying just ignore me I just had to get that off my chest, she replied fast again "ha no problem you alright?"

 

I mean was a i needy or what, and i dunno how she interpretted my text, dunno why im gonna miss her but i am, ive been really messed up today, not sure why, the stress of being in this hot and cold thing with her is just too much.

[annie24]

aaack. don't write that stuff to your ex. first, I'm gonna miss you, then just ignore me? aacckk.... sorry dude, but it makes you look needy and a little messed up in the head. sorry to be so blunt. No more texting of the ex, ok? She's an ex. It may be good to do NC with her for a while. I think it's good that she's taking off.

[chai714]

I mean was a i needy or what, and i dunno how she interpretted my text, dunno why im gonna miss her but i am, ive been really messed up today, not sure why, the stress of being in this hot and cold thing with her is just too much.

 

It may feel good for YOU to tell someone you miss them, but how does it make THEM feel? Like they should have to reciprocate the feelings. And you're right . . .it does come off as being needy. Remember, we tend to go for those who are independent, somewhat aloof, and non-needy. We want those who seemingly could live a very happy life with or without us. This is human nature. Remember that before you text her again.

[JackH]

dude, your ex is your ex for a reason. yeah maybe it's hard right now and you might feel like you want her back, but hang in there. don't go putting yourself in that situaiton by texting her stuff like that. just keep yourself occupied with other things and before you know it, you won't even be thinking about her

[detox5]

well im cool i really am, the main reason we split was me being needy etc, ive worked on myself hard and i was doing great, even she could see this, maybe that was me seeming needy, and you think its good going away? shes going on her own, not even with her bf.

 

Im just really disapointed in myself, cause i thought it was good saying that, and i just gave her all the power back, I was doing fantastic, its nice when shes not around in my life, i was like this a few weeks back, she was chasing me etc and i didnt care too much.

 

Is there any way I can show her im not needy again, jeez i cant believe i was soo stupid, this happens everytime ( like 10th time) but i really have my stuff together this time, im a real man, and i think thats what drew her closer towards me, i bet now shes thinkin that i was faking it, which makes me even more madder!

[annie24]

ok - this is a messed up situation. She has a bf and was 'chasing you?' uggg.... that's just great.

 

second - how to show her you're not needy? Don't do anything. Don't contact her. Do your own thing. Without her.

[detox5]

yes this situation is a mess, from now on, im only reply to her stuff, im not gonna chase her and yes she chases me, shes been really hot the other week now back to cold, i think its down to shes not sure what she wants, i hope her going away will tell her that, even if it isnt me, im not bothered, at least i can ATLEAST have peace and that stuff.

[annie24]

don't you want a woman who's at least proper enough not to chase you while she's already involved with someone else? I mean, think about it. If you two get back together, i don't think this girl would really have a problem cheating on you, or at least "sniffing around" for someone better. I say, forget all about her.

[detox5]

yea i thought the same thing, but im not just anybody, theres still alot of feeling there for me, otherwise she wouldnt act how she does, if i meet a woman tonite that I like and marry her then so be it lol.

 

Im NOT waiting around for her, its hard to get over her, do you think my ex will contact me? im such a dick, im just too imbarrsed to even talk, text or anything now, i feel as if i dont even wanna talk about what i just did, lol thats a good thing cause i wont be thinkin about her.

[annie24]

Of course you're not just anybody. But, the thing is, she's not treating you that way. I'm sure that she has some feelings for you, but let's be honest with ourselves. If she really really really liked you, she'd be with you, and not this other guy.

[heartbroken23]

Detox,

 

I think we are in the exact same boat.

 

1. I cannot get over my ex (5 years together) for the life of me...its been almost a year...mainly dues to her creeping back in every once and while and sending me mixed signals.

 

2. She did all of this while with someone else...she even went as far as telling me she loved me, thinks of me everyday, is not over me, wanted to go to ireland when i was abroad to find me, and even told my friend online that she didn't think things would work out with her new BF.....that was like 6 months ago....and yes she is still with him.

 

So almost a year since the break up, and guess what, I am not over her. Why? Because I never went a month without any type of NC. There was always an email, a text, or a phone call to say hi. (She wanted to be friends with me more than anyone has ever wanted to be friends with me....almost to the point of bawling crying when i said no. I think she just wanted me as her back up plan and wanted to keep stringing me along.

 

Well, 2 days ago I told her to lose my number, block me online, etc and I would do the same. I need to get over this girl....she freaked and said she is devasted, but will do it because she loves me and doesnt want me hurting. She said she will never contcat me again....but said we will see each other again and someday......I have to do NC and bro, you have to too....even if she does write you, I say ignore it...ignore everything until she gets to the point of WTF....and starts going crazy......but most importantly, do it so you can heal!

[detox5]

well thats what she is deciding now i think, is there any way i can show her im not need, i dont wanna do nc to show it, it just seems stupid, its like i wanna call her and say look im not needy ok?

 

like i wanna set the record straight.

[detox5]

broken, im healed, im ok, im really not hurting im not, i did 8 weeks nc and im ok, i really am, im not over her of course.

 

I wish i could say to my ex i didnt want her to talk to me again, but one it would hurt her, but also it would show i had a problem, i would rather just disapear, its difficult.

 

I just wanna go back to a few weeks ago, i was stronger, i was in power, she was chasing me and i didnt care.

[heartbroken23]

I don't know, I just think calling her and telling her "I'm not needy" basically shows her that you thought you were, why else would you call to tell her that....just go NC, easier said than done, I KNOW.........

[heartbroken23]

I hear you....I know that me doing the NC hurt my ex...she said she was devastated...I have to do NC...why? Because I will devasted if she ends up engaged to this guy and I am still not over her. I have to think about me, my heart, for once...instead of how she will feel if i do NC....I love the girl more than anything and want her in my life, but I can't now. Give it some time and she will chase you again.

[detox5]

to be truthful with you i dont need to talk to her, i heard someone did 6 months nc on ere, i was like wow that sounds fun, im really not in a position where i need to talk to her, NC is really easy for me now, cause like i said im not hurting and made loads of progress on my last NC period.

[heartbroken23]

well thats good for you....I need to get to that point...I can definitley do the NC no problem, but I just don't see myself not missing her, or being over her....thats the obstacle!

[GettingOverIt]

well thats good for you....I need to get to that point...I can definitley do the NC no problem, but I just don't see myself not missing her, or being over her....thats the obstacle!

 

The hardest part, man.... How do NOT miss someone or NOT think about someone you had all these feelings for... But, eventually, you do begin to NOT miss her, to NOT think about her 24/7... And one day, you wake up and realize you really hadn't thought much about her in a couple days or a couple weeks, and you realize then that you'll be okay... How long does it take to get to that point? Everyone is different...

 

I agree with the whole NC thing... Yes, she may be devastated, but that's the price of admission... You have got to take care of YOU first and foremost. You have to tell yourself that he 'hurt' in your NC is not really *your* issue, but hers... You have to do it for yourself... I've posted plenty of times on here about how bad I am at NC, but I have to try my best because I know that everytime I break NC, I get sucked back in...

 

You will eventually grow very tired of being sucked back into the same whirlpool over and over and over and over again.... And, when you finally tire of it, you'll be ready to truly put her behind you and move on...

[detox5]

gettin over it your right about the whirlpool you so are, the main thing im upset about is that all this is soo stressful, its all a big ? and im not sure which way to go either way.

Tonite i went out had a good ish time, but felt kinda down, on the way home i had a think, and thought, she has a bf, theres nothing i can do, it hurts me to think why she ever got with this dude, did she just give up on me? and my needyness? cause thats what this whole thing was about, but like the other dude said, she will chase and come back again, this has happened so many times and its not about to stop.

 

But it is nice to say, well they are with someone, theres nothing i can do, it gives you no options thereforeeee no stress, i will just reply to her stuff, I just dont know why she keeps chasing like she does though, what does she want from me? Leave me alone!