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I just found out that my Ex-Girlfriend had cheated on me with one of my best friends

ogpunak

By ogpunak
in Infidelity

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ogpunak Rookie

ogpunak

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When I found out, I wasn't mad at my ex-girlfriend, it just made me sad that she would do that. However, the same doesn't apply to my old friend. He asked if he could crash at her house around 2am because he didn't have a place to stay that night. He knew what he was doing. To make matters worse, since we've broken up, I have been hanging out with my ex girlfriend and that same friend A LOT. They've just been casually hanging out around me, deciding amongst each other to keep that secret from me. Almost a month ago I started dating a ~gorgeous~ new girl that I'm 100% confident would never do something like that to me, but she's been friends with both my ex girlfriend and my "friend" for years. The other night we were laying in bed and she told me that my "friend" told her everything that had happened. My new girl saif she had been wanting to tell me since she met me but both my ex and my "friend" told her that they really wanted to tell me what happened in person. However, she cheated on me probably three months ago and we broke up about 2 months ago, so I don't see it as being likely that they we're ever actually going to tell me. I really really liked my ex, so I'm trying really hard to rid myself of any feelings I have left for her. However, as for my ol friend, I can only think of vengeance. I've already confronted my ex about it and we talked for a few hours, but I haven't talked to my "friend" since, so there's a chance that he knows I know what happened. I think there's a good chance he's been avoiding me in and outside of school, and he hasn't texted me either. Probably a good thing though because I have half a mind to walk up to him and throw the hardest punch I possibly can straight to the face next time I see him. However, I know that there are many many better forms of Vengeance that would teach him not to with me or ANYONE the way he did. I've been thinking of sticking a lil nail behind his tire on his gay-ass Prius (lol), egging his car/house, putting a harmonica in his grill so that every time he drives on the freeway it makes a super loud noise, (or all of the above) but none of those punishments come close to fitting the crime. On every public forum about Ex's, there are always people that will tell me to forget about it and not seek revenge. But I've been hanging out with him since he's done it and he obviously doesn't feel too bad about it. If he just avoids me and I never do anything about it, then I'll feel that he completely got away with what he did with no retribution. I'm open to any advice you have, thanks.

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Imho Enthusiast

Imho

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You broke up 2 months ago and have already been in a relationship with someone else for a month? Wow!

 

Do what you have done. Move on and leave the past in the past although it is recent past.

 

I agree they didn't have plans on telling you. Why would they tell your new girl before you??

 

Time to rethink some things. Is your "friend" really a friend?

 

Sometimes the best thing you can do is stop dealing with someone. It can be better than revenge.

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ogpunak Rookie

ogpunak

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I can't control who i am mad at/sad about, but that's how I feel. I want to be mad at her, but the thought of what she did just depresses me so much I can't even think rage or being mad.

 

No he didn't force her, but it really hurt me because we had been together for almost 3 months and dating for longer. The entire time we had only had sex twice. I know her and she's more of the kind of person that tends to save sex for special occasions, that's another reason why it hurt so bad.

 

She genuinely seemed remorseful said she and fully regretted it right after it happened, but i'm trying to be done with her regardless. She even said she still liked me which really really messed with my head (and shook up my new relationship), but said she wasn't in the right place or time to be in a relationship rn (even tho ive been dating one of her friends for almost a month)!

 

They told my new girl what happened before we were together, she had met me once or twice but she was good friends with them both. The reason she told me what happened is because I was conflicted with my ex girlfriend, and she told me that if I wanted to go back to my EX, she thought I should know what happened. It opened my eyes.

 

And I ment "gay" as a descriptive term as popularized my mainstream media lol (Also I was typing quick, thought to text)

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ogpunak Rookie

ogpunak

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Are you 15 years old? Your vengengence plan is immature, illegal and ridiculous.

 

Your gay comment is offensive!

 

She is worse than him, as she was your gf. I don't get your selective behavior! They are both cheating azzholes!

 

Grow up!

 

I'm actually 18, not much better. There's a lot of ways to use "gay" as an offensive term, honestly consider how offensive that remark was. Regardless I apologize. But seriously, I'm looking for advice not sly comments. I don't have any plans, those were just thoughts that came to mind, it's not illegal to think, only if I acted on it.

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ogpunak Rookie

ogpunak

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What "mainstream media"? Does Toyota use the term "gay" to describe the Prius in their commercials?

 

And yeah, seriously...you forgive your ex but want to egg the guy's house? Good luck finding any friends or a new girl to date after you pull those stunts.

 

I mean "mainstream media" as it is here in Southern California with the dumbest skater/surfer slang being passed for everyday english language, so i'm accustomed to it, sorry if I offended you.

 

I'm not ruining his life, i'm trying to ruin his day, or maybe his week. I could do a lot worse to this guy but I wouldn't even consider sinking low enough to post some enlightening video I have of him. Hes even on probation, I could have his life ruined overnight, but I WOULD NEVER do that. I want to exact a sufficient amount of revenge on him, fitting to his actions. This is why i'm here.

 

Also, Ive been dating an amazing girl for almost a month now and she knows that i'm not going to let him slide. My friends are in agreement that he shouldn't be able to get away with this 100%.

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ogpunak Rookie

ogpunak

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Are your friends willing to pay the fines you'll have to pay for vandalism?

 

It won't take a genius to figure out it was you who vandalized his car or home. Especially since you apparently shared your revenge plans with all your friends.

 

I dont think the kind of stuff I pull is gonna be traceable nor worth getting authority figures involved. Either that or ill do something that i'm willing to accept the consequences for. I've gotten away with a lot worse.

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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I dont think the kind of stuff I pull is gonna be traceable nor worth getting authority figures involved. Either that or ill do something that i'm willing to accept the consequences for. I've gotten away with a lot worse.

 

OP, it's not too clever announcing all these plans/ideas here on the internet - there are people who can report you to the authorities. Don't think it can't happen.

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ogpunak Rookie

ogpunak

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OP, it's not too clever announcing all these plans/ideas here on the internet - there are people who can report you to the authorities. Don't think it can't happen.

 

I havent done anything, Ive told the internet whats been on my mind. I didnt even express that I intend on doing anything- in fact, im asking for alternatives.

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Clio Mentor

Clio

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I havent done anything, Ive told the internet whats been on my mind. I didnt even express that I intend on doing anything- in fact, im asking for alternatives.

 

The healthy alternative is to cut both your friend and your ex off your life permanently and stop wasting your energy ruminating on them. You say that you have a great girlfriend. Focus on the present and let the past go. Drop your "friend" from your life and that's it. The best revenge is to brush what happened off and move on in to build a happy life with your new gf. He will reap what he sow one way or the other. Life has a way of taking care of that. You don't really need to do anything. Focus on becoming happy with your new gf and happiness is what you will reap. Negativity and vengeance will only bring more negativity and possibly counter actions. Your choice.

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MissCanuck Grand Master

MissCanuck

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Your revenge ideas are incredibly childish, OP. Your age and lack of life experience don't allow you to see around corners yet, but you are being naive if you believe this is any type of "revenge." It's not. So you get egg on his house or put a harmonica on his car - he still got in your ex's pants. Do you really think he's going to be all that hurt by your silly tactics? You'll come out looking like someone who has way too much time on his hands.

 

Cut him out. Cut the ex out. You're doing a disservice to your new girlfriend by even discussing this with your ex, by the way.

 

Live well. Move on with your life. A girl you dated such a short time is not worth this.

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citrusgreen Enthusiast

citrusgreen

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OP, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It’s a serious betrayal by someone who you thought was your best friend. I can totally understand why you are so upset.

 

I’m assuming that you aren’t serious in any of the revenge schemes you mentioned here — and that you were just venting as a way to express your anger. I hope that I’m correct. I think the best thing you can do is move on... focus on doing things that make you happy.

 

Question: why did this new girl decide to tell you any of this?

 

Ps - I grew up in a time/region where it was common use the words like “gay” in a pejorative sense (that had nothing at all to do with sexual preference). I totally get how it becomes engrained in your vocabulary. But with a little bit of effort you can break the habit (I know you can!) bc it’s time for everyone to evolve past that, because it’s underlying meaning is offensive, and it’s not generally a good look.

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