She’s always nervous around me and idk what to do

[boltnrun]

So now the drinking and only wanting to see you when alcohol is involved is not a concern?

 

Why the post then, if it's not a concern?

 

You backpedal on an awful lot of your posts. It's seriously confusing.

[katrina1980]

Roz, I am going to give you my take FWIW, based on my personal experience dating/interacting with a fellow "water" sign (Scorpio, Picses, Cancer).

 

There is a strong sexual attraction between two water signs and they are also extremely compatible once they fully come together.

 

BUT due to their guarded natures combined with a variety of fears and anxieties, it takes them a long time to come together!

 

Both are fearful of making the first move and neither wants to be the first to express interest which for them usually goes beyond mere interest; from the beginning they feel a deep connection. It's weird but have felt it each time with a fellow water sign..

 

Who can explain such a polarity, you can't, it's just your respective energies bouncing off each other; since your elements are water, flowing upstream then downstream, up again then down, etc.

 

Lots of push/pull and back and forth between two water signs as well as within "yourself" - again my experience.

 

As a Scorpio you are intense, sensitive and stubborn, and it takes you a long time to emotionally open up to a woman.

 

As a Cancer she is shy and reserved.

 

So. I get why you two are having such difficulty coming together!

 

But Roz, seriously, if you want this to ever get off the ground, you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone and make a move! Escalate. It's time.

 

She certainly won't, so next time you're out, split a bottle of nice wine or champagne (if that's your thing) and instead of all this playful flirting, teasing and physical stuff that goes nowhere, take her face in your hands, look at her with the intensity only a water sign can successfully pull off without scaring the girl half to death, and kiss her!

 

Again it's time.

 

Good luck!

[Sportster2005]

So now that I know she most likely wants to be around me when she drinks, how can I start seeing her more often!?

What can we do this weekend? I’m tired of going to bars and spending money and it’s getting old.

 

My main question would be is it possible that girls would avoid a guy they like if they get nervous and want to only see him if they’re comfortable and there’s alcohol?

 

Sounds like she wants a drinking buddy. One that pays. Raise your standards.

[Rozhni]

Roz, I am going to give you my take FWIW, based on my personal experience dating/interacting with a fellow "water" sign (Scorpio, Picses, Cancer).

 

There is a strong sexual attraction between two water signs and they are also extremely compatible once they fully come together.

 

BUT due to their guarded natures combined with a variety of fears and anxieties, it takes them a long time to come together!

 

Both are fearful of making the first move and neither wants to be the first to express interest which for them usually goes beyond mere interest; from the beginning they feel a deep connection. It's weird but have felt it each time with a fellow water sign..

 

Who can explain such a polarity, you can't, it's just your respective energies bouncing off each other; since your elements are water, flowing upstream then downstream, up again then down, etc.

 

Lots of push/pull and back and forth between two water signs as well as within "yourself" - again my experience.

 

As a Scorpio you are intense, sensitive and stubborn, and it takes you a long time to emotionally open up to a woman.

 

As a Cancer she is shy and reserved.

 

So. I get why you two are having such difficulty coming together!

 

But Roz, seriously, if you want this to ever get off the ground, you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone and make a move! Escalate. It's time.

 

She certainly won't, so next time you're out, split a bottle of nice wine or champagne (if that's your thing) and instead of all this playful flirting, teasing and physical stuff that goes nowhere, take her face in your hands, look at her with the intensity only a water sign can successfully pull off without scaring the girl half to death, and kiss her!

 

Again it's time.

 

Good luck!

 

Absolutely beautiful understanding Katrina. I will kiss her next time I see her. I feel like there’s just way too much tension and buildup between us that could most likely make her feel at much more ease once I kiss her.

I was inches away from her lips last weekend when we both had our arms around each other and she was looking right at me, but I didn’t want to risk giving her whatever virus or bacteria I have/had. (I woke up two nights in a row choking and my airways seemed completely blocked for 15-20 seconds and I was certain I was going to die.) luckily I was able to somehow catch a breath and control my breathing. I’m feeling a lot better since I got an inhaler and antibiotics. Thanks!

[Rozhni]

what does she like? Another serious question.

 

If you two are connecting and having soul mate convos there should be very little nervousness, that's why I ask if she has social anxiety. I'm nervous around new guys I like, very nervous, but it does wane the more time spent together.

 

You're connecting but are you spending quality time together? Its time to start, slowly remove the alcohol, get to know one another face to face one on one, these parties and texting moments are not going to be all that it takes to start a relationship.

 

Most of our connecting and conversations happened through text. During those time we were both in relationships and we just talked about EVERYTHING and realized how fluid and deep we both are through text.

She’s a lot more nervous when I’m in front of her. She has a lot more trouble diving deep and talking about things because she’s a lot more tense when I’m staring at her.

 

I want to spend more time together, but idk how to go about that since I’m only free on weekends and I never know her work schedule because she never knows when a client will call.. that’s why I have to ask her out on “day of” dates.

 

Seeing her twice a month isn’t enough I feel to get her more comfortable, but what can I do?

[abitbroken]

Both are fearful of making the first move and neither wants to be the first to express interest which for them usually goes beyond mere interest; from the beginning they feel a deep connection. It's weird but have felt it each time with a fellow water sign..

 

But it could be that no first move has been made because she's really not truly interested in more. If someone is afraid of making a move and want the other to, they at least "green light" the person. If someone is afraid to make a move - like kissing you, etc, and ARE interested, they will at least want to be around you instead of only seeing you in big groups, at parties.

 

If she gets "liquid courage" and is freer and more relaxed with alcohol and did not give any indication while she was tipsy that she wants more (i am NOT saying take advantage of her - i am saying alcohol makes people "more honest" sometimes verbally.) then i am afraid to say that this standoffishness that you want to see as interest may not be,

 

You have known eachother a long time and are looking for someone to go to parties with. I don't see a once a month meet as true interest. Even if you were traveling for work or had weird schedules, if she was truly interested, a stolen moment - a quick coffee or dessert at an odd time that doesn't have to be a full blown date - would have happened.

[katrina1980]

Both are fearful of making the first move and neither wants to be the first to express interest which for them usually goes beyond mere interest; from the beginning they feel a deep connection. It's weird but have felt it each time with a fellow water sign..

 

But it could be that no first move has been made because she's really not truly interested in more. If someone is afraid of making a move and want the other to, they at least "green light" the person. If someone is afraid to make a move - like kissing you, etc, and ARE interested, they will at least want to be around you instead of only seeing you in big groups, at parties.

 

If she gets "liquid courage" and is freer and more relaxed with alcohol and did not give any indication while she was tipsy that she wants more (i am NOT saying take advantage of her - i am saying alcohol makes people "more honest" sometimes verbally.) then i am afraid to say that this standoffishness that you want to see as interest may not be,

 

You have known eachother a long time and are looking for someone to go to parties with. I don't see a once a month meet as true interest. Even if you were traveling for work or had weird schedules, if she was truly interested, a stolen moment - a quick coffee or dessert at an odd time that doesn't have to be a full blown date - would have happened.

 

Well, the OP admitted to being "in love" with her and HE hasn't found the courage to even kiss her yet. Nor has he been able to see her more often than once a month. He fully admits to this. What does that tell you?

 

As for her, read his post again about their last time together. LOTS of flirting, touching (from her), she was looking at him closely square in the face, if that isn't a green light for him to KISS her, I don't know what is.

 

She also called him her "twin flame."

 

I don't know, perhaps I view the situation differently because I used to be very much like her. I also think this goes much deeper than her simply wanting a "drinking buddy." Much deeper.

 

From what Roz has described of their interactions, she sounds very interested. So does he.

 

They're both just too afraid to say so and act on their feelings. I can definitely relate!

 

Or perhaps they both have commitment/relationship issues.

 

Frankly I think Roz might. May not be aware he does, but he might otherwise he would have escalated with this girl by now, moving towards having a RL with her, instead of all this dilly-dallying around nonsense.

 

The feelings are there he's just too "scared" to make a move for whatever reason.

 

My opinion.

[Rozhni]

Both are fearful of making the first move and neither wants to be the first to express interest which for them usually goes beyond mere interest; from the beginning they feel a deep connection. It's weird but have felt it each time with a fellow water sign..

 

But it could be that no first move has been made because she's really not truly interested in more. If someone is afraid of making a move and want the other to, they at least "green light" the person. If someone is afraid to make a move - like kissing you, etc, and ARE interested, they will at least want to be around you instead of only seeing you in big groups, at parties.

 

If she gets "liquid courage" and is freer and more relaxed with alcohol and did not give any indication while she was tipsy that she wants more (i am NOT saying take advantage of her - i am saying alcohol makes people "more honest" sometimes verbally.) then i am afraid to say that this standoffishness that you want to see as interest may not be,

 

You have known eachother a long time and are looking for someone to go to parties with. I don't see a once a month meet as true interest. Even if you were traveling for work or had weird schedules, if she was truly interested, a stolen moment - a quick coffee or dessert at an odd time that doesn't have to be a full blown date - would have happened.

 

(Please ignore this if you’re tired of me telling you why I think she’s into me)

 

I feel like she has green lighted me everytime we are together. ie putting her hands under my shirt feeling my abs, telling me I have a model type of face, flirtatiously telling me I make her feel nervous, saying things like “I prefer you to not hold anything back around me” in response to when I told her I try to control myself around her when I drink.. I mean am I seriously that blind to not think these aren’t signs of strong sexual attraction? Not only that but she’s literally told me she had a sexual dream with her and I.

 

Overall when we are together her and I have great conversation and we laugh the entire time. Out of the 7 times we’ve gone out only once was in a group (My invitation) I don’t even say anything and just smile at her and she starts smiling/starts laughing.

I’m experienced enough to know when a girl is attracted to me or not.

 

The issue is that she doesn’t put in effort to see me often enough to make me feel happy. I’m constantly wondering why she doesn’t seem to ask me out more often. I ask her out every other weekend because I want her to start asking me out too since she’s the one with the random schedule.

I’m stubborn so if she tells me she’s busy with work, I don’t ask her out for a few weeks because I expect her to ask me out.

 

This whole alcohol thing I’m posting about is because she hasn’t accepted any lunch/picnic dates I have offered. All 7 dates there were some alcohol involved (usually just one or two beers) It could just be a coincidence.

 

Ugh. I guess I’ll ask her out today or tomorrow because my other friend is having a birthday party.

[katrina1980]

 

The issue is that she doesn’t put in effort to see me often enough to make me feel happy. I’m constantly wondering why she doesn’t seem to ask me out more often. I ask her out every other weekend because I want her to start asking me out too since she’s the one with the random schedule.

I’m stubborn so if she tells me she’s busy with work, I don’t ask her out for a few weeks because I expect her to ask me out.

 

 

Roz, sorry did not realize this is what was happening. If you had mentioned this previously, must've missed it.

 

I don't know what to tell you now, this doesn't sound promising.

 

You could be just one of her "orbiters" she likes to tease and lead on, OR she may suffer from her own share of anxieties, hard to say.

 

But IF you are asking her out every other weekend, and she is turning you down (not buying the "busy at work" excuse), and not suggesting an alternative time to get together, then agree with the others, it appears she has very low interest.

 

Or like I said, has some anxieties about dating and relationships.

 

Either way, since you are not happy, then the best course of action would be to walk away. STOP asking her out and date other girls.

 

If you weren't "in love" with her I might suggest simply keeping her as an option but it sounds like you are in too deep for that to be possible.

 

I'm sorry I know this isn't what you want to hear nor believe.

 

But take it from me, IF she were into you, she would be jumping at the chance to go out with you or if truly busy, offering an alternative time. The other stuff, the flirting, the touching, calling you her "twin flame" means nothing if she is NOT accepting your dates invites.

 

For some reason, I thought YOU were the one putting up obstacles and not able to get together.

 

Apologies for misunderstanding.

[abitbroken]

Maybe you are getting strong sexual attraction from her, but i don't see that she is interested in you when there is no alcohol involved - as far as intellectually or emotionally. But if you think she is hot for you - have at it. Personally - and this is just me, i wouldn't be interested in someone who has to drink to be around me. You have known her long enough that you are not a new guy - being nervous around someone you don't know is legit. I would keep your eyeballs WAY open.

[figureitout23]

(Please ignore this if you’re tired of me telling you why I think she’s into me)

 

I feel like she has green lighted me everytime we are together. ie putting her hands under my shirt feeling my abs, telling me I have a model type of face, flirtatiously telling me I make her feel nervous, saying things like “I prefer you to not hold anything back around me” in response to when I told her I try to control myself around her when I drink.. I mean am I seriously that blind to not think these aren’t signs of strong sexual attraction? Not only that but she’s literally told me she had a sexual dream with her and I.

 

I'm not witness to these things so I can only take them with a grain of salt within nothing substantial to back it up. Your confidence of her liking you doesn't match your actions you seem petrified to push things forward.

 

 

Overall when we are together her and I have great conversation and we laugh the entire time. Out of the 7 times we’ve gone out only once was in a group (My invitation) I don’t even say anything and just smile at her and she starts smiling/starts laughing.

I’m experienced enough to know when a girl is attracted to me or not.

 

Didn't you say you never had a relationship as an adult? I've seen enough inconsistencies in your stories to know you haven't been completely honest, I've kept to to myself cause I get it, it's understandable, especially if you feel attacked, but it's hard to give genuine advice if you can't be taken seriously.

 

The issue is that she doesn’t put in effort to see me often enough to make me feel happy. I’m constantly wondering why she doesn’t seem to ask me out more often. I ask her out every other weekend because I want her to start asking me out too since she’s the one with the random schedule.

I’m stubborn so if she tells me she’s busy with work, I don’t ask her out for a few weeks because I expect her to ask me out.

 

Is it being stubborn or insecure? Based on your posts, I'd guess the latter. You're constantly trying to figure out how to get her, watching YouTube videos, asking advice...

 

You go back and forth with this schedule thing. I thought you both had 'on call' schedules if it's just her why not say hey' I'm free on such and such day if you are too would you like to go on a date?' There's a reason you aren't/haven't done that.

 

 

This whole alcohol thing I’m posting about is because she hasn’t accepted any lunch/picnic dates I have offered. All 7 dates there were some alcohol involved (usually just one or two beers) It could just be a coincidence.

 

Ugh. I guess I’ll ask her out today or tomorrow because my other friend is having a birthday party.

 

You're right it could be a coincidence. Why are you creating another issue by inviting her to a friends gathering? Which will probably have alcohol? Ask her out on a date. You'll have all the answers you'll want.

[Rozhni]

Roz, sorry did not realize this is what was happening. If you had mentioned this previously, must've missed it.

 

I don't know what to tell you now, this doesn't sound promising.

 

You could be just one of her "orbiters" she likes to tease and lead on, OR she may suffer from her own share of anxieties, hard to say.

 

But IF you are asking her out every other weekend, and she is turning you down (not buying the "busy at work" excuse), and not suggesting an alternative time to get together, then agree with the others, it appears she has very low interest.

 

Or like I said, has some anxieties about dating and relationships.

 

Either way, since you are not happy, then the best course of action would be to walk away. STOP asking her out and date other girls.

 

If you weren't "in love" with her I might suggest simply keeping her as an option but it sounds like you are in too deep for that to be possible.

 

I'm sorry I know this isn't what you want to hear nor believe.

 

But take it from me, IF she were into you, she would be jumping at the chance to go out with you or if truly busy, offering an alternative time. The other stuff, the flirting, the touching, calling you her "twin flame" means nothing if she is NOT accepting your dates invites.

 

For some reason, I thought YOU were the one putting up obstacles and not able to get together.

 

Apologies for misunderstanding.

 

She accepts 80% of the time I ask her out and the other 20% she’s genuinely busy with work because she really is out of town and can’t see me. Her job is basically on call with clients so she never knows when she has to work. For that reason I only ask her to go out with me last minute BUT I don’t ask often. I only ask once a week or once every other week.

I want her to start asking to see me, but idk if that will happen.

 

Anyways Katrina I wanted to tell you this about her. She’s super spiritual. She spends A LOT of time on her own and with a close friend who is also very spiritual. She attends ayahuasca ceremonies with shawmen and all that. She knows astrology very very well. To the point where I feel like because she knows I’m a Scorpio, she knows exactly how to act to attract me. She once even told me “I have to keep you on your toes Scorpio.” She knows numerology and is also studying hypnotherapy and past life regression. She knows everything and takes all of that stuff serious. It’s not just a little part of her life. It’s literally her life now and what she does on her free time alone.

So when she first asked me out we had a drink and talked and I asked if she had a boy friend and she told me no that she was single but wants it to stay that way because she’s focusing on her

“heart space.”

At first I was like okay yeah whatever. BUT the more I got to hangout with her the more I realized she’s serious about it all. She doesn’t see other guys, she stays home A LOT and is seriously not into dating anyone BUT she has me as an exception. She invited me to her sisters bday dinner with her and her family once, she invited me to a New Years party with her (unfortunately her and I got very sick and couldn’t go.) and she has invited me a few times when she did decide to go out to a bar with her girls.

I truly believe I’m the only guy she’s interested in or her #1 guy.

Since I am in love with her with such deep feelings... I can’t date other women unless I have a talk with her and she rejects me..

 

With everything that I just added about her, do you still think she’s not that interested in me?

Do you truly believe she just wants to be single?

She is pretty (just quit modeling a few weeks ago) and many men comment on her social media and she has more than enough choices to go out with. I never felt like she was seeing another guy. I feel like is she was seeing someone else, I’d move on..

 

Also I want to add that the last guy she dated they were friends for almost a year before they started dating. She REALLY takes her time with a guy she likes. It’s so weird. When I first met her and hit on her she told me she thought I was an amazing guy and thought I was attractive, but was already “kind of talking to someone” (which was that guy). The funny thing is my friend knew him and Her guy would always complain about how she seemed like she never cared about him and hardly put any effort into the relationship. He ended up cheating on her because he assumed they weren’t even in a relationship (kind of how I feel right now with her) but to her they WERE in a relationship..

I need to find out if she’s reserving herself for me like she was for him.. it’s been 4 months and I haven’t gotten any weird feelings that there’s someone else so idk..

 

Any comments or questions or ideas on what I should do or ask her?

[Rozhni]

 

You go back and forth with this schedule thing. I thought you both had 'on call' schedules if it's just her why not say hey' I'm free on such and such day if you are too would you like to go on a date?' There's a reason you aren't/haven't done that.

 

She’s gonna day something like “Yeah I’m down if I don’t have work!” Then the night before or early in the morning of that day she’ll tell me if she has to work or not.

I’ve done that twice and both times we ended up going out... hmm I should do that. Idk why I stopped..

[figureitout23]

So many inconsistencies...

[Rozhni]

So many inconsistencies...

 

It’s because I’m on here writing to you guys instead of asking her out. I need to leave this site and just start asking her out consistently.

[Rozhni]

So many inconsistencies...

 

It’s because I’m on here writing to you guys instead of asking her out. I need to leave this site.

[boltnrun]

You're blaming spending your time posting on here for why you haven't been asking her out?

 

That's certainly a new one for me!

[katrina1980]

Roz, just kiss her, escalate physically.

 

Depending on how she responds, she's either into you or not.

 

That's it.

 

Good luck.

[NorthDallas40]

We’ve seen each other 7 times in 4 months.

 

That's what would make *me* nervous

[DaisyMayPorter]

What does twin flame mean?

[abitbroken]

What does twin flame mean?

 

Its a new agey thing that some people believe that two people were split from the same soul and are therefore absolutely meant to be together or have a strong reaction to eachother - like two people who are pretty much the same would have. its a dangerous way to think, because you could be in a relationship with an abusive person and stay with the justification that "oh, they are my destiny/twin flame" and not leave. The guys i dated or potentially dated who were into it used it in a way to be manipulative or sell themselves - or use it as an excuse to not go out again (why just say you aren't interested in), to try to make me go out with them or to cheat (she's my twin flame/not you). I started staying away from new agey guys and met the love of my life.

[DaisyMayPorter]

For goodness sake.

[boltnrun]

I've always wondered what I'm supposed to do if my so-called "twin flame" lives in Uzbekistan and I live in the US. I mean, what if we never meet?

 

That's also why I don't subscribe to the "the ONE" theory. What if my "one" lives in New Zealand? I'll never meet him!

 

OP, how are things going with the woman you're dating? Have you set up another date?