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Met up with ex - can it be rebuilt?


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Just looking for some perspective...


I've previously written the story so I won't expand on that too much, basically a 3 month stint with a girl- so not ages but it was a good time - she abruptly halted things in what felt quite a harsh way and it hurt, there were issues that would have only been temporary but thats life I guess. She never actually broke things off, just said she didnt want a rship but still wanted to see me. So over next month we met a couple of times but basically I felt she got increasingly colder and less willing to meet, although she would still chat. My confidence was kinda hit already so I took the hint, and decided maybe I need to walk away.


So I've tried to fix myself up abit since then, but a good month and a half passed without contact before I text her happy christmas, and to surprise she responded positively and suggested meeting up when she came back in the new year (shes foreign), so we did at the weekend.


An hour before meeting she text me saying she was leaving at a certain time as her flatmate as he was out for hs bday, which annoyed me, but anyway...we met and she asked why I hadn't spoke in so long, I explained I felt those were impressions she was giving, and she said "I always said we were friends who meet but needed time, but you stopped speaking" (although I stand by my feelings I can see her perspective)...but she said she would forget about it. We did stay later than she said before she did leave, but I think it was good and we laughed and got on like before without the physical stuff...she also suggested a few different plans to meet, which is all I wanted her to do before


At the end she said sorry about the text before but said the night was enough considering I didn't speak to her in 2 months, but its ok, we are friends. As she'd said about our previous status before I said "maybe something more again in time?" she kinda agreed,whether just to placate I dont know. Then went on about how another woman might not have answered me after so long but has good feelings about me.


So I'm not sure where I am left now...atm I am initiating all contact unlike before, its quite difficult, but she seems open to meeting, I'm seeing her this week, then maybe more plans after if all goes well...I don't want to hang on and just be friends forever, but at the same time I get that its not going to go straight back to what it was after this time, so I'm prepared to be patient to an extent. I just don't know if its possible? A situation that I felt was her doing is in her eyes my fault. I don't know if theres any glimmer of hope in building things up again or am I just setting myself up... Any opinions?

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She broke up with you, you're initiating all contact after that and she still tells you "another girl wouldn't have answered after that long"? You gave her all control and she's using it... She sounds a bit arrogant too.


I suggest you back off a little and give it a few days, if not weeks. Gauge her interest. Make her chase a little or you'll be in a direct pathway to the friendzone (if you're not already there anyway).

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Well, she's still playing with you. You never mentioned what country she was from. Sometimes girls expect different things from guys depending how they were raised. Have you had sex with her again? You have a right to be confused by her. Maybe she's waiting for you to take charge. Maybe she's getting off by manipulating you. Can't really say.

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I realise the thing about the control...not sure how to win that one as in her eyes I broke off contact, even if it was her who put the brakes on. Arrogant...maybe, she's quite self righteous, very direct and can be abit brutal at times. But I think she's honest, not a bad person and don't think she's manipulative, but maybe I'm naive. The friendzone thing...yep thats my worry. Thing is its hard to go weeks without speaking, then sort of build it up and just disappear again, so its a fine line to tread


No only met up with her the once since, causal drinks, haven't got physical yet. There were anxiety problems last time round which didn't help in that department. Confidence was dealt a blow so could definitely see the taking charge thing being an issue, she'd hinted at that before. Shes abit of a latin princess so probably is used to abit of machismo. She said she needs time as she'd come out of some very bad sounding relationships but that didn't stop us getting close until she changed her mind so I dont know what to think

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It's sounds like she's left you to continue to breath life into something that was already knocked down to begin with.


Add in she doesn't make any attempts to reach out to you and let you walk away so easily.


I love the part that she blamed you - by you not contacting her any longer for the reason you two are not seeing each other.

Unless her fingers are broken, I am pretty sure she knows where to find you. But she didn't. . .

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Your situation is scarily similar to my own (I've read your other thread too btw)........................mine too was a really good first few months dating, followed by a sudden drop off from her side.


Mine relapsed into depression, and became very unsure what she wanted..................I too got the 'I'm not ready for a relationship, but I do still want to see you' but then was very reluctant to make advance plans ('I find it very stressful to be committed to things in advance' etc etc) so I broke things off.


However, I'm now exactly like you, yearning and pining after what we had in the first few months (although have managed a week of no contact thus far). I think I know deep down that I'd be better off with someone who wants a normal healthy relationship, the same as I do, but it is very very difficult to just turn your back on someone when you've got strong feelings for them.

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Unfortunately she is much less interested in dating/a relationship than you are. She seems to acquiesce to hanging out as friends but that means the friendzone. Keep in mind all the tactics you employed such as NC, etc. didn't even phase her.

The friendzone thing...yep thats my worry. haven't got physical yet.
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