Is he interested?

[K8T]

Hello,

 

I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months now but we've been talking over text for about 9 months. The problem I have is that he seems to be a completely different person when I'm with him to when I'm not. For instance, he will sometimes not message me for a day or two even when we're in the middle of a conversation or I will try to make plans to see him but he will blow me off however, when I'm actually with him he talks about wanting a future with me and tells me how much he misses me when we're not together. I have told him I have feelings for him and he has told me that a relationship between us is definitely 'on the cards' (his words). So I don't understand how he can say he misses me yet makes no effort to see me more than once a week (if I'm lucky, bare in mind he lives a 15 min drive away). I'm in two minds, part of me just wants to break it off because I feel like I'm wasting my time but another part of me wants to see if things will change. I was in a relationship for 4 years previously that ended badly and I haven't ever dated in my life so I have no idea what's normal and what's not. I have asked friends about this and they don't really know how to help as most of them are in long term relationships. Can someone please help me make sense of this? Many thanks

[DanZee]

Well, how many hours a week does he work? How old is he? Is he a confirmed bachelor. A once-a-week-date is fairly typical for casual dating especially if he has a demanding job or has other duties such as visiting a sick mom during the week. If he's just sitting home at night, why don't you pop over mid-week for maybe some TV watching and cuddling. You're at the stage where you can start taking on some of the duties of courtship. Instead of trying to carry on a text conversation during the day, just text him "thinking of you" or "I love you." Things he doesn't have to answer but show you're interested. You do have to take the relationship up a notch and be a little more aggressive.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. He's telling you what you want to hear in person to get you in bed. He's stringing you along with "maybe in the cards". Pull way back from this and stop all the texting.

I have told him I have feelings for him and he has told me that a relationship between us is definitely 'on the cards' (his words).

[nutbrownhare]

At five months in, you should have a pretty fair idea of whether you want a relationship or not. The fact that he says it's 'on the cards' without actually doing anything about it suggests that he's 'just not that into you' but is happy to string you along, well, for as long as you're happy to be strung along. That's why he can tell you he misses you but makes no effort to see you even though you live quite close; it's important to look at what people DO, rather than what they say. You've already told him you're getting feelings for him but he shows no sign of reciprocation.

 

If you want a relationship which progresses and grows, this is clearly not the guy for you and you're wasting your time. Though, if you do try to take the relationship up a notch, as DanZee suggests, and he pulls back (as I'm guessing he would), that would tell you everything you need to know.

[MissCanuck]

After 5 months, one generally knows whether they want a relationship. A relationship "on the cards" is a roundabout way of telling you he isn't seriously interested. A guy who is really into you wouldn't give you such a wishy-washy answer.

 

Sorry, but I would not waste more time on this.

[K8T]

Thank you everyone for your take on this really appreciated. I think i already knew but just wanted confirmation. I have already hinted at breaking things off with him but he got annoyed so i just left it. I guess the only thing i can do is just be honest and break things off.