Don’t know what happened.

[ahd15]

Met this girl online and we got off to a great start. Went out to dinner and drinks and I spent the night at her place. We saw each other two other times in the span of a week and had a wonderful time each time.

Friday I was in a meeting and didn’t respond so she seemed to get a little worried if I wanted to see her again and I told her of course. Then Monday rolled around and we were supposed to spend time together but she was busy finishing up some work. I felt like something was up, so when she asked if I wanted to do something this week, I responded with “only if you do”. She said she would like that a lot.

This morning I get a text saying that she doesn’t think we should see each other anymore. Something about working on herself and that she’s not going to be good at a relationship right now. (Never talked about a relationship or brought it up)

I responded the only way I knew how which was to tell her that if anything changes or if she needs someone to talk to to reach out.

It was just so out of left field I’m super confused. Has this ever happened to anyone?

[Arpa]

My two cents: Her answer is very vague, full of foggy statesments ("working on herself" f.i.). There is only one thing certain: she doesn't want to be direct. I guess that she found previous dates kind of dissaponting, for she expected something else. There could be also somebody else who she considers more appropriate. Who knows? I understand that you are confused, especially if she seemed to enjoy your company and sent you signals of being interested. I like the way you answered on her message, I don't think you could do more or better in this situation. Being pushy or asking many question (which she doesn't want to answer anyway) usually makes things even worse.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Next time act enthused and don't play it so cool.

 

This indifferent defensive response would yield the result you got:

when she asked if I wanted to do something this week, I responded with “only if you do”.

[Arpa]

I don't believe much his "playing-cool-attitude" could ruin his chances. If she really wanted to spent time with him, this wouldn't discourage her.

[ahd15]

The reason I responded that way was because I felt like she was getting a little distant. That was my way of asking where she stood.

[smackie9]

Her ex is trying to hoover her back most likely. She's having doubts about dating so she shuts it all down to sort out her feelings.

 

She has your number if she wants to contact you again. I say shake it off and move on.

[ahd15]

Her ex is trying to hoover her back most likely. She's having doubts about dating so she shuts it all down to sort out her feelings.

 

She has your number if she wants to contact you again. I say shake it off and move on.

 

She’s gotta do what she feels is right. We had a good time together so no hard feelings. I’m just mind blown by the 24 hour 180.

I didn’t do anything wrong so I’m not regretting anything. It stings a little but nothing I can do.

[Wiseman2]

Agree with smackie9, something happened with her like a new guy or an ex. You left the ball in her court best move you could have made.

She’s gotta do what she feels is right. We had a good time together so no hard feelings. I’m just mind blown by the 24 hour 180.I didn’t do anything wrong so I’m not regretting anything. It stings a little but nothing I can do.

[lostandhurt]

It wasn't you or what you did or didn't do. There was an outside force involved here. Maybe an ex coming back into the picture maybe some other guy she had been seeing too and he got the nod instead of you.

 

It is easy when things are going just so so when this happens but when they are going really well and you get cut from the team it stings and leaves you confused.

 

You left things cordial so get on with your life and put this one behind you.

 

PS Yes this very thing happened to me. It was going really well and then it wasn't. Turns out an ex popped back into her life...

 

 

Lost

[ahd15]

It wasn't you or what you did or didn't do. There was an outside force involved here. Maybe an ex coming back into the picture maybe some other guy she had been seeing too and he got the nod instead of you.

 

It is easy when things are going just so so when this happens but when they are going really well and you get cut from the team it stings and leaves you confused.

 

You left things cordial so get on with your life and put this one behind you.

 

PS Yes this very thing happened to me. It was going really well and then it wasn't. Turns out an ex popped back into her life...

 

 

Lost

 

If that’s the case it’s more than likely an ex. Otherwise why would she tell me she had no plans this week, yesterday?

I won’t let it hold me back but Maybe I will hear from her in the future.

[smackie9]

She’s gotta do what she feels is right. We had a good time together so no hard feelings. I’m just mind blown by the 24 hour 180.

I didn’t do anything wrong so I’m not regretting anything. It stings a little but nothing I can do.

 

All it takes is one phone call, one text from an ex to confuse someone or causing them pain. When I hear "need to focus on myself, or figure myself out" it usually means someone, like an ex has crept back into their life stirring up old emotions. Obviously she isn't ready, and unfortunate for you, you were hoping this could be something great. A punch to the gut for sure.

[ahd15]

Well she texted me again and said it’s more to do with the bad habits like smoking drinking and not eating right. Mentioned depression.

I don’t know what to do. I guess she’s filling me in because she does like my company? Either way I’m not going to push anything. Not that I was at first anyway.

[SoulTaker]

Met this girl online and we got off to a great start. Went out to dinner and drinks and I spent the night at her place. We saw each other two other times in the span of a week and had a wonderful time each time.

Friday I was in a meeting and didn’t respond so she seemed to get a little worried if I wanted to see her again and I told her of course. Then Monday rolled around and we were supposed to spend time together but she was busy finishing up some work. I felt like something was up, so when she asked if I wanted to do something this week, I responded with “only if you do”. She said she would like that a lot.

This morning I get a text saying that she doesn’t think we should see each other anymore. Something about working on herself and that she’s not going to be good at a relationship right now. (Never talked about a relationship or brought it up)

I responded the only way I knew how which was to tell her that if anything changes or if she needs someone to talk to to reach out.

It was just so out of left field I’m super confused. Has this ever happened to anyone?

 

The two of you went rushing into things right away ("spent the night at her place"). That might have been great for you, but could have been too fast for her. For whatever reasons, she evaluated the situation and decided to back off.

 

The fact is, she's still a stranger to you and you know little about her. So, you shouldn't be surprised at anything she does at this point.

[ahd15]

The two of you went rushing into things right away ("spent the night at her place"). That might have been great for you, but could have been too fast for her. For whatever reasons, she evaluated the situation and decided to back off.

 

The fact is, she's still a stranger to you and you know little about her. So, you shouldn't be surprised at anything she does at this point.

 

That’s a very good point. Thank you.

[maew]

The reason I responded that way was because I felt like she was getting a little distant. That was my way of asking where she stood.

 

If you wanted to know where she stood, why not be direct? I feel that response was a bit passive and disinterested... there would be know way for her to know what you actually meant by that. I don't know why people do this but the lack of authenticity in today's dating world is so off putting to me!

[ahd15]

If you wanted to know where she stood, why not be direct? I feel that response was a bit passive and disinterested... there would be know way for her to know what you actually meant by that. I don't know why people do this but the lack of authenticity in today's dating world is so off putting to me!

 

It was a week in to it. I felt like if I asked her straight up, it would put her on the spot for no reason.

[ahd15]

Since the ex thing is a possibility is can there be anything else since she mentioned depression and getting herself back in order? Anything she says I have to take at face value since we barely know each other. I’d like to get to know her and it felt great spending time with her.

Some may think it was the sex, which was amazing, but the last night we spent together we did none of that and it felt even better honestly.

I love going out and seeing friends but some reason it felt better just staying in and watching tv that night. It was a reality check. I’ve dated girls before her and never really felt that way. I hate to sound like a guy that’s stuck, because at the end of the day it’s another girl but I saw something about her that I haven’t in a long time.

Anywho, what I want to hear opinions on is, is it possible to genuinely need time to get it together for certain people? Maybe it’s just that and I’ll hear from her in the future. It was literally one text saying “I’d love to see you” to the next saying that we shouldn’t see each other. Not holding my breath but this could be a good learning experience.

[CBC2000]

I can answer this for you because I have been this girl minus the sex thing. And I also have a similar situation with the whole having sex too quickly with a guy. I honestly don’t think this has anything to do with her ex. She probably caught feelings after you guys had sex and now she is distancing herself because she is afraid of these feelings. After my relationship that ended in March of last year, I started going on dates and I met 2 guys (separate times) that really liked me and really did want to be with me, but I had to shut it down because my heart wasn’t ready for a relationship as much as mind kept trying to convince itself. And the other thing was that recently I just learned that I am not a casual sex type of person either. Anyways, me distancing myself from those guys had nothing to do with anyone else, but what I was dealing with inside. I think this girl probably honestly meant what she said, she is probably just scared and the sex thing was probably too soon for her.

[SherrySher]

You were too laid back in how you acted and she was being honest, she probably is feeling too vulnerable and wanted a man to pursue her more and be more serious with her.

You seemed more casual and didn't show as much interest as perhaps she was needing.

 

I'm not sure what exactly you were hoping for with her but how she acted and talked, I am guessing she felt you weren't serious about her and moved on.

[ahd15]

I can answer this for you because I have been this girl minus the sex thing. And I also have a similar situation with the whole having sex too quickly with a guy. I honestly don’t think this has anything to do with her ex. She probably caught feelings after you guys had sex and now she is distancing herself because she is afraid of these feelings. After my relationship that ended in March of last year, I started going on dates and I met 2 guys (separate times) that really liked me and really did want to be with me, but I had to shut it down because my heart wasn’t ready for a relationship as much as mind kept trying to convince itself. And the other thing was that recently I just learned that I am not a casual sex type of person either. Anyways, me distancing myself from those guys had nothing to do with anyone else, but what I was dealing with inside. I think this girl probably honestly meant what she said, she is probably just scared and the sex thing was probably too soon for her.

 

I get it. After the whole not seeing each other thing she did say that maybe we should take a step back and be friends for now. I can tell she caught feelings bc she was holding my hand while watching a movie and even cooked me dinner. I caught feelings too.

Is there a chance she would reach out or should I touch base? I’d hate to see it fade away but I’m at a stand still on what to do besides leave her be.

[ahd15]

You were too laid back in how you acted and she was being honest, she probably is feeling too vulnerable and wanted a man to pursue her more and be more serious with her.

You seemed more casual and didn't show as much interest as perhaps she was needing.

 

I'm not sure what exactly you were hoping for with her but how she acted and talked, I am guessing she felt you weren't serious about her and moved on.

 

I did make it clear that I wanted to hear from her again. And the past few times we were supposed to see each other I texted her to keep in touch about it. I doubt she felt that I was too laid back.

[SherrySher]

Did you make definite plans with her? Did you chase? Send romantic messages? How you described it all, you seemed so so...almost meh.

 

I am just letting you know from a woman's perspective.

[CBC2000]

I get it. After the whole not seeing each other thing she did say that maybe we should take a step back and be friends for now. I can tell she caught feelings bc she was holding my hand while watching a movie and even cooked me dinner. I caught feelings too.

Is there a chance she would reach out or should I touch base? I’d hate to see it fade away but I’m at a stand still on what to do besides leave her be.

 

I think you should be the one to reach out just one more time. When did she send you that last text? Anyways reach out to her and let her know how you feel, also try to meet up with her to just talk if that’s possible. If she rejects your offer just leave her be and move on

[ahd15]

Did you make definite plans with her? Did you chase? Send romantic messages? How you described it all, you seemed so so...almost meh.

 

I am just letting you know from a woman's perspective.

 

I did. For example sent her a good morning text bc the roads were very bad and I knew she was out the night before so in case she was driving I told her to be careful (don’t remember the last time I sent a GM text). After the whole not seeing each other thing happened I told her to reach out if she wants to talk to someone and she suggested “friendship for now” where as before it was nothing at all. Told her she was beautiful a few times we were together. I mean it wasn’t excessive because it was just one week but at the same time I meant it.

[ahd15]

I think you should be the one to reach out just one more time. When did she send you that last text? Anyways reach out to her and let her know how you feel, also try to meet up with her to just talk if that’s possible. If she rejects your offer just leave her be and move on

 

We last spoke two days ago. I told her to do what she needs to do and that it’ll be ok. She responded positively. She’s on a weeks break between jobs so I thought it would be best to give her some time for herself.