For anyone who was dumped for someone else, how did you handle it? And did he/she ever came back?

[bluemt001]

I was almost 3 year relationship when ex-boyfriend left me because he said he was unhappy. However in the end I found out he left me for someone else. I foolishly thought in the beginning he was confused since two week before the break up, we were celebrating his birthday; and we even were so lovey dovey but I guess in the end I was just a complete idiot to not realize that is all a lie. He obviously moved on so easily. After 10 days he broke up, he officially socialize that he has new girlfriend from work. It hurt like hell after hearing that news. I even tried to reconcile with him few day after the breakup too. I even gave him my last long love letter, speech, text, video and hug to fight a love that I thought we had but I guess it meant nothing. He said to our friends that he is happier with her and deep deep down in my heart I was trying to be glad for him but I question myself did he ever love me? I know it's a silly question maybe he did once but why did he not communicate with me if he was losing interest of us or even me? Why did he prolong this relationship? He even said he loved me few days before the break up. Why? I wondered if I tried harder or something would he still be with me? Maybe I am being dumb but I think if I fought harder for us maybe he would stay. I just don't get how he can easily forget about us like that. I know compare to beginning of break up I feel better but they are days that I wish this was only nightmare not reality. Maybe I am hoping he will come back but i need to face it he probably won't. And it hurts. I really thank from the bottom of heart my family. They have given me alot love and support, which has help me alot in the beginning of days of the breakup but I can't burden them all the time hearing my problems. So, I have keep my emotions hidden towards them. I need to face this alone and be strong but it sometimes hard. He was first love. He was my best friend. I even thought we were soulmate but I guess I was wrong. He wasn't a bad boyfriend to me at least those 2 years and half month. He treated me nice but at the end he did acted like an idiot with his actions. I must admit that I thought it was lie that time heals a broken heart. And it has. Don’t get me wrong. I still haven’t completely heal but compare to the beginning at least I am not crying as much and thinking about him everyday. I know this year wasn’t best year for me but I just hope next year will better. So for anyone, who has dumped for someone else? My question is how to did you handle it? And how long did it took you forget about him/her?

[Clio]

The answer is that you handle it one day at a time/ one step at a time. This person was nothing special. Just another monkey brancher. Leaving you for another was hurtful but not really about you. The third person is just a catalyst, not the real problem. The real problem was that your relationship was not working. It very gradually broke down. Sometimes this break down is so slow that the person being left never see it coming. In time you may recognize that there were signs that you missed/ things you didn't want to acknowledge/ were in denial about. However, I repeat, you lost nobody special, just someone you were incompatible with. Leaving you the way he did shows that much. You need to take him off the pedestal. He was selfish, weak and a very bad communicator. Just be thankful that you are no longer with a person who was capable of behaving like that. You now have room in your life for a decent person. Break up = incompatibility. Even if he came back that incompatibility would still be there. There were valid reasons you two broke up, lack of honest communication being a fundamental one. You are better off but it does take time to see that. One last piece of crucial advice: Stay off his social media, delete/ block/avoid all ways of finding new information about him.

[dave4443]

Mine came back but I resented her for leaving me for someone else once the honeymoon wore off again. if you got him back you'd probably end up hating him too give it time and you'll be thankful you didn't get him back, just takes a while to get to that stage

[Young mind]

Welcome to the reality of the world we live in, I wish I could disappoint you to say this isn’t the reality of relationships ‘nowadays’ but it is.

Monkeybranching, Rebounds, transitional relationships all exist. Believe me you have genuine reasons to question certain things, I did .

Mine was exactly the same, rather 2.5 years, and the ending is always similar, always goes something like:” they are unhappy, start to be rude with you, certain behaviors come out that you never saw before, they pretend to be busy with work or something that was never there before, I have been on both sides and I can say it’s solely down to immature, selfish behavior. After 3 years with someone you have every right to question, did they truly love me?

When the deed is done, they must seek validation, they must feel like they moved on to someone better, even if this new person isn’t really better.

You may look at the new girl and wonder , is this really who he left me for ? The dumpers have no time to plan or chose a perfect partner, they just wanna be in power and their ego is definitely stroke, will be stroked even further when you’re still begging and pleading , thus people advocate NC, for you to cool off and get you’re head straight.

A relationship 2-3 years is something, it’s usually the stage people think of taking things to the next level, it’s also the stage when things get boring and someone starts looking outside for the guy/girl at work that gives them some attention and makes them feel special, why do you think the word GIGS is coined ?, because most of the time branch swinging isn’t as wonderful as they initially imagined, like the first time you met, someone else now shows them that special love.

Don’t sweat it, I’m glad you have a good support system, this is the advantage girls have over boys, use it to boost yourself.

Like the other comments, go NC, block, don’t be afraid , block, it will help you heal, it’s a process which might have ups and downs but believe you will be a better place one day.

You have the time to analyze yourself and what you’re looking for in a partner.

When they leave you for someone else , it’s their loss, I believe in more than 75% of the time, they won’t forget you, 3 years is a long time, he can date Jennifer Lopez next but the memories and things you shared can’t be erased, no one is a robot

Sorry for the long reply, but this was so similar to mine and if I think back I’m getting better and so will you

[BrotherMister]

I was left for someone else in August, I didn't handle it particularly well for a few reasons. My main problem was I pursued and fought for our relationship hard since she was adamant she was happy with me and still loved me but just felt we weren't a good fit for one another. She even said her advice to her friends would be not to throw away a relationship you were in and happy with for something unknown but she very quickly did a 180 on that and left. The whole experience happened insanely fast. So after 2 years (and knowing each other for years before that) spending most days together it took her having an emotional affair with a guy she's known a fraction of the time decide we weren't quite a right fit and he was.

 

I haven't heard from her since the start of November and I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. I'm not anywhere near over her and each day gets tougher to endure but I just have to take it a moment a time. Maybe time heals all wounds or maybe you just learn to live with that pain... only time will tell...

[boltnrun]

My ex cheated on me and then left me for the girl he cheated with.

 

8 years later, they're still together. Lucky for me, because my eyes are open now and I wouldn't take him back if he begged.

[lostinlove44]

I been left for someone else 3 times by the same girl...yeps thats my fortune, or misfortune....First she cheated on our honeymoon period with two guys, then after 14 month relationship she cheated on me but i did not know with who, she broke up with me, i went NC 5 month...just pure suffering, horrorshow stuff....broke NC and called her, turns out she was dating a woman long distance, asked to meet for "closure" she agreed. We met, cried and had lots of sex...for the next two years I was her secret lover...learning experience, hell hard at first but she made it easy by being patient and explaining to me to not to have any expectations, oh shes a natural, i was in awe so i followed her advice...btw i was exclusive...best two years ever, since the lady was long distance it meant we spent a lot more time together that she did with her, and that calmed me down a lot to the point that i did not care when she would leave to see her...seemed to be a deep bond between us...until she broke up with the woman. Came crying to me asking me to be her boyfriend, I started laughing...Im already her exclusive secret lover so I told her no I wouln't date a woman like you, cause she cheats. At most I could be her FWB....well she didn't take that well and used the nuclear option (started having sex with another guy, she's cute). That threw me over the top, anxiety, depression, 3am wake ups, 7 am panic attacks, the works....i went crazy for her so I told her I would date her and we began! So much fun the first month...i mean incredible, felt like superman....4 Month later I broke up with her because she had become abusive and a different person...I did not dump her, meaning I did not have anyone lined up to replace her, I just broke up with her because she was driving me nuts, slamming doors, pulling my hair, just obnoxious...well thats took her by surprise, because she is an eternal dumper and always has someone lined up, well this time she didn't...she became soo needy after two weeks that she came to my house and begged me for sex...ha....do you know how that feels, to have alway been dumped and now this serial dumper is begging you to have sex...yes like He-Man!!! So I had sex with her, and we enjoyed it and became buddies for a whole year...until she found a new boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and somehow broke my heart lol...now im heartbroken, she contacts me, we even had sex two weeks ago....but im somehow lovesick at the whole thing, even thou i thought had been fully prepared for it....curiosity and horror....I dont think I could ever forget about her, still trying to get her back...the heart wants what the heart wants...

[sputnik123]

I was left for someone else in August, I didn't handle it particularly well for a few reasons. My main problem was I pursued and fought for our relationship hard since she was adamant she was happy with me and still loved me but just felt we weren't a good fit for one another. She even said her advice to her friends would be not to throw away a relationship you were in and happy with for something unknown but she very quickly did a 180 on that and left. The whole experience happened insanely fast. So after 2 years (and knowing each other for years before that) spending most days together it took her having an emotional affair with a guy she's known a fraction of the time decide we weren't quite a right fit and he was.

 

I haven't heard from her since the start of November and I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. I'm not anywhere near over her and each day gets tougher to endure but I just have to take it a moment a time. Maybe time heals all wounds or maybe you just learn to live with that pain... only time will tell...

 

Hi BrotherMister,

 

I feel your pain. Similar scenario to mine, but together slightly longer.

 

Stay strong and take one day at a time. It does get better.

 

Thinking of you.

[Jan2728]

Yes. BUT trust me, you don't want him back.

I used NC in the situation and waited it out. Huge waste of time. He drunk texted 2 months after they broke up but their bu only took 2 months. I ignored that. So that was 4 months of my life wasted.

Took him another 7 (so now going on a year, I did work on myself that year and date, I knew he would be hard to replace (a cheater who chose someone else ah yeah, my mind at the time.)

I got the apology text that time. I agreed to see him. 1 year apart. The date went well and I made him court me for another 7 months before sex or getting back together. "Trained" (such a disrespectful term) him to treat me well.

Trained, manipulated . . .i just manipulated myself out of years of my life for a jerk who cheated and didn't love me enough to choose me in the first place. He was worse (became a pothead in the time we were apart) , but he did have the decency to tell me that before asking me back when I accepted.

Happened to me and as they say be careful what you wish for . . .

Yes another woman was involved in our final break up.