moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 You usually text her more than once a day? Is "only" texting her one time a day supposed to be some kind of punishment or payback or something ? she has a habit of ignoring multiple texts and then sending me a random text tomorrow about something else and I respond like a fool. No more Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 I try and be respectful and not call someone when they are home with their spouse. That's why we normally try to meet for lunch on the weekends I could be off base, but it doesn't appear that her husband is aware of any of this. Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 I could be off base, but it doesn't appear that her husband is aware of any of this. aware of what? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 You seem to have it all figured out, and don't listen to what everyone here is telling you so why post then? If you want to lose a friendship that long over something that might be easily explained then that's your choice. I think it's weird that you were friends for so long and you were at the wedding, yet you don't call her at the house anymore since she's married. I personally think that's weird. But i see that it's pointless to reply here anymore since you know it best yourself. Good luck with that! You may lose a friendship over something trivial. Yes I've had it happen too where two people messaged me and I've replied to the one and didn't see the other and as the conversation goes down on the list, well you just don't check that.... the more people message her the more likely she is to not have seen it. Leaving you all angry.... But what am i saying. You know it best yourself..... so bye.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 You seem to have it all figured out, and don't listen to what everyone here is telling you so why post then? If you want to lose a friendship that long over something that might be easily explained then that's your choice. I think it's weird that you were friends for so long and you were at the wedding, yet you don't call her at the house anymore since she's married. I personally think that's weird. But i see that it's pointless to reply here anymore since you know it best yourself. Good luck with that! You may lose a friendship over something trivial. Yes I've had it happen too where two people messaged me and I've replied to the one and didn't see the other and as the conversation goes down on the list, well you just don't check that.... the more people message her the more likely she is to not have seen it. Leaving you all angry.... But what am i saying. You know it best yourself..... so bye.... I agree and I think this is part of his choice to be "right" (technically -meaning technically someone should respond to a text that requires a response -my friendships aren't built or maintained on the technicalities of etiquette) instead of close. I'll share an anecdote OP in a last ditch effort. When my son was in preschool it was the day before a major holiday and the school called -he'd vomited all over himself and needed to be picked up early. My father in law was visiting from out of state and had just arrived from the airport, so he came along to pick up my son. It was a mess. We got him somewhat cleaned up and in his car seat and prayed he wouldn't get sick again as we drove home. My priority was my son, not the technicalities of etiquette with my father in law. We finally got home and got my son upstairs and I got him inside to keep cleaning him up and get him out of his dirty clothes and basically make him comfortable. I told my husband to go out and get medicine. My elderly father in law stood in the doorway of our apartment for 20 minutes as we rushed in and out. Why? Because no one formally "invited him in" - so he stood there, hunched over a bit while my husband and I tag teamed caring for our son. At some point I think my husband asked him why he was standing there and he mumbled that explanation and something about not wanting to get in the way. Obviously he was more in the way standing there like that. If he truly didn't want to be in the way he could have quietly walked in to his own son's home and found a place to sit down until things quieted down or maybe just maybe ask if there was a way he could help. You're standing on ceremony - you're getting in your own way over a technicality - obviously everyone is entitled to their standards of friendship and expectations of manners but I don't buy that you truly feel this way in your heart. I think you want to make a point- to be "right" and to "show her" that she won't get to hear from you more than once a day if she dares not to respond to your texts in the time allotted in your head. I have a now former friend who hasn't called me back in almost 5 months. 2 months in she responded to an email (we rarely email) politely, informatively, but with no explanation of why she went MIA and no indication she wanted to catch up. I think I called one more time (we often did that -just called to show up on caller ID, then called each other back). So yes there are limits - but the truth is if she called me tomorrow and even acknowledged her absence for this long I would probably continue the friendship albeit with some more emotional boundaries at first because of the length of time she went MIA. Yes there's a point when you walk away and you stop letting that person on your radar - but your motivation seems mostly about standing on ceremony and punishing her. And really you're punishing yourself. Figured I'd give it a shot! Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 You seem to have it all figured out, and don't listen to what everyone here is telling you so why post then? If you want to lose a friendship that long over something that might be easily explained then that's your choice. I think it's weird that you were friends for so long and you were at the wedding, yet you don't call her at the house anymore since she's married. I personally think that's weird. But i see that it's pointless to reply here anymore since you know it best yourself. Good luck with that! You may lose a friendship over something trivial. Yes I've had it happen too where two people messaged me and I've replied to the one and didn't see the other and as the conversation goes down on the list, well you just don't check that.... the more people message her the more likely she is to not have seen it. Leaving you all angry.... But what am i saying. You know it best yourself..... so bye.... So would you want a woman calling your husband while yall are home together????? Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 I agree and I think this is part of his choice to be "right" (technically -meaning technically someone should respond to a text that requires a response -my friendships aren't built or maintained on the technicalities of etiquette) instead of close. I'll share an anecdote OP in a last ditch effort. When my son was in preschool it was the day before a major holiday and the school called -he'd vomited all over himself and needed to be picked up early. My father in law was visiting from out of state and had just arrived from the airport, so he came along to pick up my son. It was a mess. We got him somewhat cleaned up and in his car seat and prayed he wouldn't get sick again as we drove home. My priority was my son, not the technicalities of etiquette with my father in law. We finally got home and got my son upstairs and I got him inside to keep cleaning him up and get him out of his dirty clothes and basically make him comfortable. I told my husband to go out and get medicine. My elderly father in law stood in the doorway of our apartment for 20 minutes as we rushed in and out. Why? Because no one formally "invited him in" - so he stood there, hunched over a bit while my husband and I tag teamed caring for our son. At some point I think my husband asked him why he was standing there and he mumbled that explanation and something about not wanting to get in the way. Obviously he was more in the way standing there like that. If he truly didn't want to be in the way he could have quietly walked in to his own son's home and found a place to sit down until things quieted down or maybe just maybe ask if there was a way he could help. You're standing on ceremony - you're getting in your own way over a technicality - obviously everyone is entitled to their standards of friendship and expectations of manners but I don't buy that you truly feel this way in your heart. I think you want to make a point- to be "right" and to "show her" that she won't get to hear from you more than once a day if she dares not to respond to your texts in the time allotted in your head. I have a now former friend who hasn't called me back in almost 5 months. 2 months in she responded to an email (we rarely email) politely, informatively, but with no explanation of why she went MIA and no indication she wanted to catch up. I think I called one more time (we often did that -just called to show up on caller ID, then called each other back). So yes there are limits - but the truth is if she called me tomorrow and even acknowledged her absence for this long I would probably continue the friendship albeit with some more emotional boundaries at first because of the length of time she went MIA. Yes there's a point when you walk away and you stop letting that person on your radar - but your motivation seems mostly about standing on ceremony and punishing her. And really you're punishing yourself. Figured I'd give it a shot! If she acknowledge her not responding then yes I may forget about it. If she calls and not mention anything about the texting then the texting is over for good and we will just communicate by phone or face to face Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 So would you want a woman calling your husband while yall are home together????? If she's just friend... of course, why wouldn't i???? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 If she acknowledge her not responding then yes I may forget about it. If she calls and not mention anything about the texting then the texting is over for good and we will just communicate by phone or face to face Except that she might not have seen or received your texts. So at least ask her -in a matter of fact, pleasant way. Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 If she's just friend... of course, why wouldn't i???? That is your time to be with your husband. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 That is your time to be with your husband. Depends on the couple. We typically don't take phone calls at night but not because we're married and are spending the time together -because we're tired and our son is asleep and phone calls can be loud. I wouldn't notice either way if my husband got a call at night other than I would want to make sure he took the call in another room so as not to wake up our son. We work from home one or two days a week and I sometimes talk to friends -male or female -while I'm cleaning or preparing a meal. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 I know for sure I don’t want some broad calling my husband daily coming home from work. That means something is up. Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 I know for sure I don’t want some broad calling my husband daily coming home from work. That means something is up. she usually calls me while she is in the car headed home from work and we talk for about 30-35 mins. Once she pulls in the driveway that is when I know the conversation is over. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 I know for sure I don’t want some broad calling my husband daily coming home from work. That means something is up. Not every couple has close friends of the opposite gender -we do and have on and off. If he spoke with his friend daily -man or woman - that would be fine - and more than fine -I like for him to have close friendships -it's a sign of health. I think it's a bit insulting to refer to a woman as a "broad" just because she's calling a man who happens to be married - or he's calling her. Obviously if they went out on dates or had inappropriate conversations that would be a different issue but there are many discussions and conversations that are perfectly appropriate and obviously a spouse can't and shouldn't be the only person the other spouse discusses things with. Why presume it's more than platonic friendship? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 she usually calls me while she is in the car headed home from work and we talk for about 30-35 mins. Once she pulls in the driveway that is when I know the conversation is over. That’s weird to me. She’s keeping you separate. It’s super weird if you talk every day anyway. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 Not every couple has close friends of the opposite gender -we do and have on and off. If he spoke with his friend daily -man or woman - that would be fine - and more than fine -I like for him to have close friendships -it's a sign of health. I think it's a bit insulting to refer to a woman as a "broad" just because she's calling a man who happens to be married - or he's calling her. Obviously if they went out on dates or had inappropriate conversations that would be a different issue but there are many discussions and conversations that are perfectly appropriate and obviously a spouse can't and shouldn't be the only person the other spouse discusses things with. Why presume it's more than platonic friendship? My husband had plenty of friends of both sexes. I really don’t care . However when you need to talk to these people daily ?? And the other person gets in an a mood when you don’t . .. that is a hint more is happening than platonic friendship. I get weirded out by stuff like that because my husband was into saving every female in distress when he was younger. He has learned what boundaries are now appropriate with friends. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 That’s weird to me. She’s keeping you separate. It’s super weird if you talk every day anyway. Yes, to me that is far beyond a friendship boundary. Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 That’s weird to me. She’s keeping you separate. It’s super weird if you talk every day anyway. Years ago she was single and lived alone. Now she has a husband and a dog who requires her attention once she walks in the door. So of course our conversation is not going to continue. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 That is your time to be with your husband. but if it was a friend of the same gender it would be okay? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 I have no friend that i would want to talk to daily!! that's exhausting..... And the fact that she does it in the car and stops when she gets home is very very weird to me Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 but if it was a friend of the same gender it would be okay? Of course it would be Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 I have no friend that i would want to talk to daily!! that's exhausting..... And the fact that she does it in the car and stops when she gets home is very very weird to me We don't talk everyday. Every once in a while when she is on her way home from work Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 My husband had plenty of friends of both sexes. I really don’t care . However when you need to talk to these people daily ?? And the other person gets in an a mood when you don’t . .. that is a hint more is happening than platonic friendship. I get weirded out by stuff like that because my husband was into saving every female in distress when he was younger. He has learned what boundaries are now appropriate with friends. Yes. I agree. It’s funny that you assume it would be a damsel in distress situation. To me it would depend what is going on. Link to comment
moneymkt Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 I have no friend that i would want to talk to daily!! that's exhausting..... And the fact that she does it in the car and stops when she gets home is very very weird to me We both are big football fans so sometimes it's a lot to talk about. I don't think her husband is a sports fan Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 Yes. I agree. It’s funny that you assume it would be a damsel in distress situation. To me it would depend what is going on. The OP sounds distressed about it, not her. To me that is crossing a boundary. Link to comment
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