Relationship with Step-daughter

[semaj281]

I will get help. I have gone to group sessions but that didn't do much for me. I will be getting private attention from a therapist.

[semaj281]

Serve her with divorce papers like yesterday. Tell the cops you want your personal effects.

 

Aside from my abusive behavior are there other reasons for your sense of urgency on the divorce?

 

Sorry, but after you told the full story I lost sympathy for you. I presume you left those details out because you knew what you did was wrong and if you made a full disclosure you wouldn't get any supportive responses.

I wasn't looking to get people to side with me. I noticed comments that blamed my wife's actions so I had to paint the whole picture to get constructive advice.

[Seraphim]

You don’t think it is enough to sent to jail?

[semaj281]

Being sent to jail was a cause and effect. I broke moral and written laws so the police were called, not because the family wanted to go after me. I'm not taking their legal actions personally. My goal is to better myself and serving divorce papers will not solve the problem. If I start a new family with someone else and my behavior is not addressed I will be in this same position.

[Seraphim]

You can address YOUR behaviour, yes. But are they willing to address theirs??? You can’t do it for them.

[semaj281]

The wife did agree to family counseling before the police got involved. So yes they realize there's a problem. Besides what was mentioned in the thread what else do you think needs to be addressed from their end?

 

And everyone has problems. It's just a question of what I'm willing to deal with. At least with this family I know what to expect.

[Seraphim]

I don’t know what to tell you because I would be gone.

[abitbroken]

The yelling and breaking things were when I had arguments with the wife. I had never done this to the kids. I have signed up for one on one counseling.

 

The kids KNOW - they hear what goes on when they are in bed supposedly sleeping. And i agree - this is VERY abusive because its intimidating, it damages the possessions of the other person to coerce, scare and intimidate, etc. You needed counseling long ago and unfortunately your wife has not made a good pick if she thinks this is okay behavior. You can only change you. YOU can change but will you?

[abitbroken]

The wife did agree to family counseling before the police got involved. So yes they realize there's a problem. Besides what was mentioned in the thread what else do you think needs to be addressed from their end?

 

And everyone has problems. It's just a question of what I'm willing to deal with. At least with this family I know what to expect.

 

You need to only address what is needed on YOUR end. You can't make anyone else do anything. yes, the stepdaughter needs counseling, but she also does not need to repeat how her dad treated her to another man. Maybe this is the first time you got PHYSICAL with her or your wife, but when that line is crossed, its very difficult to salvage things. I think there is more to the story because usually emotional abuse comes before the first strike or shove -- and damaging someone's possessions qualifies as that kind of intimidation.

[semaj281]

You need to only address what is needed on YOUR end. You can't make anyone else do anything. yes, the stepdaughter needs counseling, but she also does not need to repeat how her dad treated her to another man. Maybe this is the first time you got PHYSICAL with her or your wife, but when that line is crossed, its very difficult to salvage things. I think there is more to the story because usually emotional abuse comes before the first strike or shove -- and damaging someone's possessions qualifies as that kind of intimidation.

 

I know this. I only mentioned family counseling because Seraphim asked if they will seek help. I was not trying to put the blame on them. As for there being more to the story, there is no other damage I've caused from my end besides the intimidation. If I were to guess she was probably fed up with the yelling so she laid her hands on me. I am generally a calm person but when I lose control over my emotions I also lose self control.

 

And once again I've never broken other people's possessions. Only my own. I know it doesn't matter because it is still abusive to people around me but I did not take away people's belongings.

[semaj281]

You needed counseling long ago and unfortunately your wife has not made a good pick if she thinks this is okay behavior. You can only change you. YOU can change but will you?

I am realizing that now. I will make the best of these counseling sessions and do my best to change.