Boyfriend in Jail and not allowed any contact

[Lucks00]

Before you read this please don't 'judge a book by its cover' lol, I know what the title sounds like (car crash).

 

I've been with my bf for just over a year, we live/lived together! And I was really happy and I know he was!

 

Basically about 6 weeks ago he fu*ked up big time. He got into a fight - big fight, with a friend and his friend ended up coming worse off.

He came back and told me what had happened and I lost the plot and tore into him and I don't know, I saw a side to him I'd never seen. He didn't hit me but was violent and trashed our flat and then he left. Within half an hour of him leaving the police arrived (his friend had called them). Told me me be had been arrested...to cut a long story short he's been on remand since with a charge of gbh and Abh. I'm not allowed direct contact - I can write to him (which I have) but he's not allowed to write back or call.

Had a hearing today and looks like he's getting a suspended sentence but one of the conditions it has to be away from the county we live in so hew going back to his mums bout 3 hours Away.

 

My biggest dilemma is i don't know if he's still my bf! I feel like he is we haven't broke up per sè. But I haven't spoke to him in 6 weeks the only things I hear (when she bothers to call me) are from his mum and all she eve says is 'he misses you.' I don't want to ask her the things I need to know it's his mum and I don't want he involved. But I'm so confused and so low, this feels worse than when you KNOW it's over. I'm just in limbo, next week he'll be out but miles away and I don't know if he still wants me around *agh*

[ThatwasThen]

Make yourself out of limbo and break up with him. He's unhinged. Yes, I know you love him but loving someone is no reason to stay with them when they are unhinged.

 

Question: Why are YOU not allowed 'direct contact?' and... what were him and his friend fighting about that he got charged? Obviously your b/f must have committed the first assault.

 

(your answer won't change my advice, I'm just curious why that would have anything to do with his charges or conditions.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would bow out now before his anger issues escalate to physical abuse, and they will. Don't feel as you're the exception...you're not.

 

Either way, you're not in "limbo", you have choices and options. Hopefully you choose wisely.

[Hollyj]

Good God! How much info do you need!!!

 

The guy beats the hell out of a friend, then trashes your home. Wake up! it is a matter of time before he starts pounding on you.

 

He is VIOLENT! Where is your self worth????

[yatsue]

Not judging a book by a cover, but this guy sounds dangerous. In fact, he sounds like my abusive father. Under that violent book, seems sweet and would never do anything to hurt you even though he had displayed other acts of violence (yelling, destroying property, getting into fights with other guys).

 

He may not be dangerous to you yet and still a good guy in your eyes for now. You haven't known him long and physical abusers tend to show their true colors when you least expect it, in time. Sometimes decades until they just lose it. Happened to me. I just hope god has mercy on you and this relationship will be done before anything happens. However, I believe you'll just disregard anything that was said here, thinking this guy is different, and try to get back with him *sigh*. I hope you don't find your way to him, or vice versa.

[MissCanuck]

This man is dangerous, and it is only a matter of time before his violent temper is turned on you. It is not a matter of if, but when.

 

You need to ask yourself why you would consider staying with a person who is this unstable and out of control.

[Wiseman2]

Is there a restraining order filed against him?

Had a hearing today and looks like he's getting a suspended sentence but one of the conditions it has to be away from the county we live in so hew going back to his mums bout 3 hours Away.