AllByMyself Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hi All, I am just sat here after 4 weeks since my gf dumped me and it's still going through my mind of how someone could love you ever so much during a committed relationship, then end it with you and have a new interest straight away... I feel for me its going to take me a few months to start dating again. Has anyone else dumped someone and started a new interest with someone else, i wanna know how you've just switched off from the prior connection and connected to someone else? My brain just wont stop thinking about it, any techniques to stop yourself from going over it over and over again? Link to comment
shessofly Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 This person was on her radar before she broke up with you. She started moving on while in the relationship. I wish I could say there was an easy way to stop thinking about it. Unfortunately it will just take time. Make it easier on yourself by not seeking anymore info about her life. Sorry. This happened to me. I thought he loved me bunches too. You will get over it, but it will take time...and staying as oblivious as possible about what she’s up to. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 It's because she was emotionally already detached from you, and this guy was likely in her orbit before she ended it with you. Not pleasant to hear, I know, but it's generally true in situations like this. It feels like a sudden switch to you, but it very likely wasn't for her, unfortunately. Link to comment
Young mind Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Guys, How common could it be, it comes to you like a shock how someone could be together with you maybe after years and suddenly be with someone else?. Is it really detachment?, I would say no, did he/she have someone on the background? 80% will be the case but the main issue here is the problems with the relationship and loss of attraction Do they love you?, definitely, will they admit it? no Brings you to the point of Rebounds? Don’t wait on it, now you have to re-evaluate yourself , what were the problems from your part?, the dumper will validate their decision to leave, they will find someone else who they think is the next god, will go on 1 million holidays, do everything to show the world that you’re nothing. Don’t worry about it, you gave your part and forever this can never be erased even if their next partner is James Bond. They can’t evaluate themselves but you can and this is were you win. Work on yourself , take time and relax, build your mind. Everything will be okay and you will feel it soon. Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Guys, How common could it be, it comes to you like a shock how someone could be together with you maybe after years and suddenly be with someone else?. Is it really detachment?, I would say no, did he/she have someone on the background? 80% will be the case but the main issue here is the problems with the relationship and loss of attraction Do they love you?, definitely, will they admit it? no Brings you to the point of Rebounds? Don’t wait on it, now you have to re-evaluate yourself , what were the problems from your part?, the dumper will validate their decision to leave, they will find someone else who they think is the next god, will go on 1 million holidays, do everything to show the world that you’re nothing. Don’t worry about it, you gave your part and forever this can never be erased even if their next partner is James Bond. They can’t evaluate themselves but you can and this is were you win. Work on yourself , take time and relax, build your mind. Everything will be okay and you will feel it soon. I totally agree.... Totally!!!!!!!!!! And here is my example... I was with my recent EX for 2.5 years... I will always be part of her life for that matter and what we had, what we shared... Within about 3 weeks of dumping me, she jumped on a dating site and about 3 weeks later she was already in a new relationship.... I went NC and been there since... Yes it stings, and weather its a rebound or something else, I am not breaking the NC and disrupting her life... "Allow for the new relationship to take its course", "Never let them know that you are hurting" Last night a mutual friend called me.... Uggghhh... Broke some news to me about her new guy....Did I really needed to know all that? No... But I found some stuff out and it churns my stomach a bit now... A bit about me: I used to be a flight engineer in the Air National Guard and I just retired after 22 years of service, so I have done my fair share of flying on cool military air craft and I have stories to tell... My EX loved that about me... She would post on FB all sorts of picks of me in my flight suit and pictures I took for her from the air... I also smoke... My EX hated me smoking and she hounded me for that constantly.... This is the guy that my EX decided to go for (from what I found out last night): He smokes..... He is a pilot apparently, and took her up (I guess in a private plane) for a flight.... And she posted it all over FB.... Apparently I am better looking then him... Can you guys see the comparison? What baffles me, is that she went for a smoker, although she is so against it!!!! As if it is OK all of the sudden... She is dating darn almost someone identical to me... Well there is only one me, but this (filler or replacement) guy is almost like me.... What's up with that!!!!???? Also, according to my friend, she has been trying to find out things about me.... I told him to just quit talking about me, let that relationship run its course, leave it alone.... Do I think she is happy? I don't know? I think she still thinks about me... Like you said... James Bond...haha... Pilot or no pilot... No one will replace me.... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Sorry she did this but unfortunately the dumper has been considering things for a while and not infrequently already has someone in mind. Consider this to get over her. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 To you it's a surprise, but to the one who decided to end things, the relationship ended a long time ago. Probably months ago before they finally got around to pulling the plug on it and severing ties for good. So that's how you can move on quickly, you've already done the detachment, the grieving and the difficult decision to end things is behind you so now you are ready to go forward. If it makes you feel any better, usually that first one is just a rebound fun toy. Just don't get any ideas that she'll come back to you after. She won't. Link to comment
firelily Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I broke up a 10 year long relationship and got myself into something romantic within a month too. I have been mentally broken up for months, but couldn't go through that hard decision that I absolutely didn't want to make. But the better explanation is that I found it extremely shattering to be apart from something that was my life and I couldn't deal with being lonely. It's such a shock to go through, sometimes also for the dumper. I don't plan to go back to my boyfriend though, just planning to get better and more sane, and then date someone seriously. My point is, people react differently to breakup. The fact that she is dating someone new so fast doesn't necessary mean that she didn't love you before. It's her life now, and it's her way of living it for now. It might take a longer time for you to open yourself up to new people, but it will be more healthy then than dating someone right away. Link to comment
Ganamede Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hi All, I am just sat here after 4 weeks since my gf dumped me and it's still going through my mind of how someone could love you ever so much during a committed relationship, then end it with you and have a new interest straight away... I feel for me its going to take me a few months to start dating again. Has anyone else dumped someone and started a new interest with someone else, i wanna know how you've just switched off from the prior connection and connected to someone else? My brain just wont stop thinking about it, any techniques to stop yourself from going over it over and over again? As some. Posters have pointed out. People react differently to breakups. it depends on your personality I.e. your attachment style. I,m 9 months since the blind sided split and am still NC but I do wonder HOW could someone monkey branch to another like that... Gotta have ice in their veins to kick a person to the curb who considers you as family ! Live and learn from it is all you can do. Time will eventually seal up that hole in you heart and you,ll find yourself with the next chapter in you life already underway ! Good luck in your healing ! Link to comment
AllByMyself Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 I totally agree.... Totally!!!!!!!!!! And here is my example... I was with my recent EX for 2.5 years... I will always be part of her life for that matter and what we had, what we shared... Within about 3 weeks of dumping me, she jumped on a dating site and about 3 weeks later she was already in a new relationship.... I went NC and been there since... Yes it stings, and weather its a rebound or something else, I am not breaking the NC and disrupting her life... "Allow for the new relationship to take its course", "Never let them know that you are hurting" Last night a mutual friend called me.... Uggghhh... Broke some news to me about her new guy....Did I really needed to know all that? No... But I found some stuff out and it churns my stomach a bit now... A bit about me: I used to be a flight engineer in the Air National Guard and I just retired after 22 years of service, so I have done my fair share of flying on cool military air craft and I have stories to tell... My EX loved that about me... She would post on FB all sorts of picks of me in my flight suit and pictures I took for her from the air... I also smoke... My EX hated me smoking and she hounded me for that constantly.... This is the guy that my EX decided to go for (from what I found out last night): He smokes..... He is a pilot apparently, and took her up (I guess in a private plane) for a flight.... And she posted it all over FB.... Apparently I am better looking then him... Can you guys see the comparison? What baffles me, is that she went for a smoker, although she is so against it!!!! As if it is OK all of the sudden... She is dating darn almost someone identical to me... Well there is only one me, but this (filler or replacement) guy is almost like me.... What's up with that!!!!???? Also, according to my friend, she has been trying to find out things about me.... I told him to just quit talking about me, let that relationship run its course, leave it alone.... Do I think she is happy? I don't know? I think she still thinks about me... Like you said... James Bond...haha... Pilot or no pilot... No one will replace me.... Yeah and my ex has gone for the opposite sex.... Like how can you even switch so quickly?! Best of leaving her well alone, try to cut ties with who ever it is who's feeding you information about her as this way you cannot fully move on, needs to be out of sight/ear and then it's out of mind..... Link to comment
AllByMyself Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 Yeah your totally right!! I do feel I am improving with no contact and no social media sites for her to pop up on!! Thank you for your response, this forum helps me a lot reading through others experiences and responding with my own!! Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Yeah and my ex has gone for the opposite sex.... Like how can you even switch so quickly?! Best of leaving her well alone, try to cut ties with who ever it is who's feeding you information about her as this way you cannot fully move on, needs to be out of sight/ear and then it's out of mind..... You are absolutely correct... And what I found out is that he is trying to figure out my life, then he turns around and tells her what I am doing... As if she is still interested in my life... I think? So I spoke with him in a sturdy way... And told him, that if he wants to continue the friendship with me, he has to quit and back off... I don't need to know what she does, and she should not care about what I do.... Her 2 older daughters stirred so much in our relationship, they contributed loads to our failure... Apparently her oldest one is already stirring up things against the new guy, cuz he is a smoker.... Soon it will be something else... Yup, I remember... And 2.5 years later it was done... It still however baffles me, that my EX hounded me nonstop about my smoking.. She wanted changes, and for me to kick the habit and change that as well.... And she jumps into something with another smoker? Link to comment
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