Sarah3000 Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 I hooked up with this guy from work in a drunken scenerio - bascially had to much to drink and ended up staying with this guy from work and having a kiss and a fumble - the next day i just said i really dont want anyone knowing about this and lets keep this a secret- work was awkward for abit and we did end up speaking abit in the kitchen on our lunches and was all okay. Anyways i find out today that he went out for after work drinks and ended up taking a girl from work back to his house and she stayed the night - this girl being the same girl he met online years before and she left him halfway through the date and ditched him - just cant quite believe he went back there after what she done to him Now i am upset because i have ended up fancying this guy and i feel let down and upset and now worried they are going to get together I really want to say something as i am furious and i know i have no place too but i feel used and p issed off. I dont know how to react Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 I hooked up with this guy from work in a drunken scenerio - bascially had to much to drink and ended up staying with this guy from work and having a kiss and a fumble - the next day i just said i really dont want anyone knowing about this and lets keep this a secret- work was awkward for abit and we did end up speaking abit in the kitchen on our lunches and was all okay. Anyways i find out today that he went out for after work drinks and ended up taking a girl from work back to his house and she stayed the night - this girl being the same girl he met online years before and she left him halfway through the date and ditched him - just cant quite believe he went back there after what she done to him Now i am upset because i have ended up fancying this guy and i feel let down and upset and now worried they are going to get together I really want to say something as i am furious and i know i have no place too but i feel used and p issed off. I dont know how to react You basically told him it was a mistake and you were ashamed of what happened. There was no hint of exclusiveness or dating or anything other than a drunk hook up so you are absolutely correct that you don't have a right to be mad at him. It is all probably for the best anyways because work romances are a terrible idea... Lost Link to comment
journeynow Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 I dont know how to react No need to react. You've already communicated and it's in the past. Instead, focus on self-reflection, and what you've learned from this, what self-knowledge you've gained from the experience. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 React by doing what you can to control your reactions to your feelings. You were not used -you chose to drink and chose the consequences. He did not rape or force you. He's free to date whoever he wants. It's a live and learn -now you know you get attached through sexual intimacy. It's ok. I met my husband at work so I think work can be a great way to find the right person! Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 27, 2017 Author Share Posted November 27, 2017 I am just so upset - finding this out has made me realise i actually do like him and now im worried i have lost my chance because he now has found somebody else Is this a lost cause? Link to comment
LolaMay4559 Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 It's not necessarily a lost cause...but if you're all working together, you are heading straight down the path to major drama. My advice would be to take a step back and let whatever happens with the two of them play out. Then, if you still have feelings for him, try and explain that you've changed your mind about what happened being a mistake, that you were feeling overwhelmed at the time. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 27, 2017 Author Share Posted November 27, 2017 Is major drama and we all work in the same room! I do not wish to be judgemental because i am far from that - but this girl is abit of a lost cause she is living in a hostel and has mental health problems and isnt very stable so i was surprised when he decided to be with her - please dont take what i said the wrong way at all. Just i didnt understand the match but hey that could be the jealousy talking. I am just feeling abit silly - i noticed him catching my eye more so today and now i know why he was probably thinking do i know...? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 I don't think you should get involved. You weren't interested until you found out he was dating another girl. Sounds like the thrill of the chase is beckoning you, not genuine interest. You'll just get caught up in needless drama if you proceed. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 27, 2017 Author Share Posted November 27, 2017 I always thought he was cute and blush alot when he speaks to me after what happened due to being nervous after what happened Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 I don't think you should get involved. You weren't interested until you found out he was dating another girl. Sounds like the thrill of the chase is beckoning you, not genuine interest. You'll just get caught up in needless drama if you proceed. I agree, deffinetely comes off as I want what I cant have situation. I always thought he was cute and blush alot when he speaks to me after what happened due to being nervous after what happened Then why did you tell him it was a mistake? You gotta put on your big girl panties and be upfront and honest about what you want, don't push him away hoping he can read your mind, you keep doing that and the chicks living in hostels will continue to steal your dates. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 28, 2017 Author Share Posted November 28, 2017 Chicks living in hostels will continue to take my dates that actually made me laugh i needed that Do u know what actually him that comment weirdly has made me realise he cant be for me - only someone the same as her would like her and be a companion (if that makes any sense) I didnt say it was a mistake to him i said please dont tell anyone and got out the car and that was that kind of thing i was half of expecting him to email me but he didnt Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 From the way you described this other woman it sounds like he seeks out vulnerable women and gets what he wants from them. Stepping back and watching with clearer vision will surely show you what kind of man he is. Lost Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 I dont think it is that - word has got out about them two and he said nothing happened and she had no way of getting home so he offered to let her stay at his lol I noticed he always chats to this pretty girl and spends his lunch with her - he has never done this with me - they do happen to have lunch at the same time but he never used to spend his time in the kitchen he used to always leave so i think he is liking her and all the men in the office fancy her So now i feel like i feel ugly and terrible and i feel like s h i t and its so hard coz i work with them and see all the flirting im so upset Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I dont think it is that - word has got out about them two and he said nothing happened and she had no way of getting home so he offered to let her stay at his lol I noticed he always chats to this pretty girl and spends his lunch with her - he has never done this with me - they do happen to have lunch at the same time but he never used to spend his time in the kitchen he used to always leave so i think he is liking her and all the men in the office fancy her So now i feel like i feel ugly and terrible and i feel like s h i t and its so hard coz i work with them and see all the flirting im so upset Then next time you know to make a different choice -choose to stay sober at work-related events or places where you think you might meet someone you might like to date and then you will also choose better consequences. Don't beat yourself up or compare yourself to other people -huge waste of time. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 But i do compare myself i feel like im not as pretty as the other girls - i have learnt a lesson as i only like him now after what has happened - i feel so ugly all of a sudden and chunky just really starting to hate myself as i see him always having a really good time with this pretty girl and not me its really affecting my confidence Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 But i do compare myself i feel like im not as pretty as the other girls - i have learnt a lesson as i only like him now after what has happened - i feel so ugly all of a sudden and chunky just really starting to hate myself as i see him always having a really good time with this pretty girl and not me its really affecting my confidence Why compare? Obviously you're more attractive than some people and less than others -so what? Compare yourself to yourself. So, if you feel you've gained weight, make choices that will help you lose weight. If you can make more of what you have as far as looks, you can do that as well. And of course it's in the eye of the beholder. What people see as cute/pretty/attractive all depends especially when it involves chemistry and clicking. For example my husband is short. For a number of women this would make him unattractive and even be a dealbreaker for dating. All else equal I was always attracted more to shorter men than to taller men - which meant that I had more to choose from and it was great when women declined to date men based on height. I do think -again all else equal - being a good, fit weight is better in the dating game than being overweight. I've seen that again and again in many different scenarios -online dating, at social events and when I try to set people up on dates (this happened twice in the recent past - the guy declined to meet the woman I suggested because she was overweight, although not obese). Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 Yeh i am taller than this guy and this guy is short we are so mis matched its weird lol the girl is more suited to him looks wise but yeh i am dieting to lose the stone i have gained as i am not happy at all with my weight and become chunky! Just how do i get over someone i like? We have our works xmas party next week and wanted to get with him then but i think it maybe them two now who get off with eachother and im going to be so upset Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Yeh i am taller than this guy and this guy is short we are so mis matched its weird lol the girl is more suited to him looks wise but yeh i am dieting to lose the stone i have gained as i am not happy at all with my weight and become chunky! Just how do i get over someone i like? We have our works xmas party next week and wanted to get with him then but i think it maybe them two now who get off with eachother and im going to be so upset You move on from it by making sure you are taking care of yourself and have fun and/or fulfilling activities and relationships in your life. I don't think height makes people mismatched in the least nor do I think looking similar makes people a good match -superficially -sure - but in the most superficial sense and I think it's irrelevant and suggest you stop focusing on the looks part as much as you are. Go to the party -stay sober - stay 45 minutes and tell yourself that you're going to talk to at least 3 people and one new person (if you can) and then leave. Don't torture yourself. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I hooked up with this guy from work in a drunken scenerio - bascially had to much to drink and ended up staying with this guy from work and having a kiss and a fumble - the next day i just said i really dont want anyone knowing about this and lets keep this a secret- work was awkward for abit and we did end up speaking abit in the kitchen on our lunches and was all okay. Anyways i find out today that he went out for after work drinks and ended up taking a girl from work back to his house and she stayed the night - this girl being the same girl he met online years before and she left him halfway through the date and ditched him - just cant quite believe he went back there after what she done to him Now i am upset because i have ended up fancying this guy and i feel let down and upset and now worried they are going to get together I really want to say something as i am furious and i know i have no place too but i feel used and p issed off. I dont know how to react Don't react. It's a disappointment, nothing more, nothing less. I think it's clear by this man's behaviour where his intentions are, at this point in his life. Move on, nothing to see here. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Stay away from the office wolves and focus on work, not his other conquests. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 Thanks guys for your replies Before he would come and chat to me on lunch even after me and him hooked up Since i know about him and the other girl he hasnt spoken to me at all and is avoiding me? Link to comment
blackrose45 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Thanks guys for your replies Before he would come and chat to me on lunch even after me and him hooked up Since i know about him and the other girl he hasnt spoken to me at all and is avoiding me? Honestly, I would just leave the whole situation well alone. Very rarely do work place relationships work out. It's the old saying of don't mix business and pleasure. This was a situation that happened, it's in the past and this guy seems to have really shown what he's actually like. He hasn't treated you very well. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 Yea i know i wanna punch him Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 In this day and age and all the headlines, the best advice for both men and women at work is: Keep your hands to yourself and keep your clothes on. i know i wanna punch him Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 Haha yes Just i am annoyed at myself now for getting into that situation - we have our works xmas do coming up and i think he is going to get with someone there Just embarrased i was a number i didnt have any idea who could of been a player - his religion is buddhist so i didnt think he would be behaving that way Just annoyed i wanted something to happen and it didnt Link to comment
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