Why did my ex gf want to continue contact?

[renrouis]

My ex gf and I broke up after a year and a half, but she didn't let me move on properly. She kept calling, wanting to hangout, have sex, showed up at my job and even tried to get back together. During this time, she even suggested that we go job hunting and get a place together, and this was after the break up. After a while, I woke up and began to reject her sexual advances consistently. I realized that I was being used. All of the drama began after one call, where she wanted to come over and 'cuddle', I said no.

 

A few months later, I got in touch with her, assuming we were friends, and learned that she was moving. She was very venomous and said all kinds of cruel things. She hurt me very badly, and I was completely devastated and became severely depressed. I finally started to mourn the loss of the relationship, her hanging around after the breakup prolonged the inevitable. During this period, she came over to talk, and she came onto me sexually and I rejected her, she said how she liked how I didn't come onto her strongly when we started dating and she told me 'if I was older, I probably would've stayed with you.' She even invited me to move with her. Time passed and she continued to say really hurtful things until I finally confronted her about the times she used me, it was a vicious call. She sent me a e-mail apologizing telling him that she still really cared about me a lot, how she was truly sorry for all of the things she told me, regretted it, that she was going through stuff at the time, and how she remembered how we would sit and talk for hours about everything and nothing.

 

I called her back, she had just moved, she told me that she missed me, That she still felt a strong connection with me, and I think, that she thought of me as family. But she downplayed our past relationship (when we were a couple) attributing it to being 'young and naive' and

that she liked some things about our relationship and how when she would look back on it, she would feel happy. She also told me how she was interested in hook ups. At the end of the phone call, I wished her good luck and happiness in life and told her goodbye. She told me that I could call whenever I wanted to talk, but I didn't respond to her offer, and just said 'bye.' After she told me bye, and she stood on the line until I hung up.

And I never talked to her again.

 

 

Even though she moved, I wonder if she was just going to use me as a spare/security blanket again. Her past behavior exemplified this. Even though she said that the relationship (when we were officially a couple) because we were 'young and naive', yet she 'really cared a lot about me', she couldn't seem to let me go and was devastated when I finally said goodbye. So, I wondered if she really cared, but couldn't admit it to herself,

Was she going to keep me on hold until she was done playing the field?

So, I wonder if she was putting on a front during our last phone call.

You don't try to have sex with someone you feel is like family.

[chitown9]

I think that the major deciding factor as to her intentions is summed up in one action of hers......she moved. She moved away from you. She did it knowing that it was not a positive move toward improving your relationship with her. So that is that.

[renrouis]

I think that the major deciding factor as to her intentions is summed up in one action of hers......she moved. She moved away from you. She did it knowing that it was not a positive move toward improving your relationship with her. So that is that.

 

Ouch. I figured as much that I was a reason for her moving.

She even invited me to move with her and told me that if she was older she would've stayed with me.

I mean, she kept on reaching out with the e-mail, even at the end of the phone call there after I told her goodbye.

She didn't seem to want to let go even though she was moving.

 

 

Well, I'm depressed as hell.

[Pleasedonot5]

She's toxic - you found out who she really is after the breakup occurred. I hope you try your best to move on.

[renrouis]

She's toxic - you found out who she really is after the breakup occurred. I hope you try your best to move on.

 

Honestly, It was something that I should have done a long time ago.

 

I just don't get why she kept reaching out with the apology e-mail after I told her off. and even at the very end of the final phone call when I told her bye.

If I'm just like 'family', then why keep me around? And a month or so before, why did she come onto me sexually and tell me she would've stayed with me if she was older and invite me to move with her?

Mixed emotions? What?

It was almost like she realized that she did wrong and that she actually cared about me.

She did seem devastated when I finally told her goodbye.

[SweetGirl28]

How old are you both?

 

Why did she move? And how far away from you is she now?

 

There was a great deal of immaturity and indecisiveness here.

And here wanting to have sex was her way of trying to hold onto you.

Except guys don't bond thru sex, so it's a waste to even try to do that.

 

I'd bet money her hookup comment was to try to invoke jealousy in you because she felt as if

she had no control over getting you back.

[renrouis]

How old are you both?

 

Why did she move? And how far away from you is she now?

 

There was a great deal of immaturity and indecisiveness here.

And here wanting to have sex was her way of trying to hold onto you.

Except guys don't bond thru sex, so it's a waste to even try to do that.

 

I'd bet money her hookup comment was to try to invoke jealousy in you because she felt as if

she had no control over getting you back.

 

I'm 22, she's 20.

 

She moved to Tallahassee, and I'm in West Palm.

She said that she had a crazy time there. Drugs, partying, hook ups maybe... That was it. I suppose for the party scene?

But I believe that it was because of me as well.

After I rejected her 'cuddle' advance and got back in touch three months later is when she told me she was moving.

As if her moving was a response to my rejecting her advances and possibly an attempt to get over me.

She had never mentioned moving before.

There is also a University there, but she said nothing about it.

 

She said that she was interested in hook ups during our final phone call, because they were something she never tried before.

Funny thing is I told her I was seeing new ladies and she sounded a bit timid in her response, as it affected her knowing I was with other women.

 

Let me know if you have any more questions. Thanks for answering.

[Pleasedonot5]

Funny thing is I told her I was seeing new ladies and she sounded a bit timid in her response, as it affected her knowing I was with other women.

 

I probably take your side on most of this, but this is cruel. You shouldn't brag about this to her, especially since she so clearly wants you in some capacity.

[renrouis]

@Pleasedonot5: I didn't brag. She asked me.

[Pleasedonot5]

@Pleasedonot5: I didn't brag. She asked me.

Oh, okay. I missed that. Still, a "none of your business" response might be better. I still think she's toxic and immature -- staying in contact, staying worried, will only serve to hurt you further.