Menopause divorce

[lostandhurt]

So you make good money. How many rich people do you see getting divorced?

 

I saw that you mentioned she worked outside the home but it cost YOU more money in child care than she made. I think you mean it cost the family more, not you?

 

There are a lot of subtle things that you may be doing and saying that she has accumulated over the years and now with some possible hormone changes in her they are all bubbling to the surface.

 

How about you stop thinking about the marriage and just focus on her and her health. When she is in the "Making you breakfast" mood talk to her in a caring way and tell her you are worried about her. Tell her you are really concerned about her moods swings and you are fearful it could be something serious. Ask her to please go get a check up if nothing else but to ease your mind. By focusing on her well being you may just sneak over her wall.

 

In the mean time listen carefully and watch what is important to her and do the little things that you know mean a lot to her deep down. Flowers and trips can actually do more harm than good sometimes because they think you think you can just smooze them a little and things will be all dandy again. Think back to the little things she loved so much about you and get back to them. The new job and being around the house more often should help too.

 

Lost

[19Bert58]

That’s good advice Lost.

I have read a lot the last couple of months and I know I need patience and try to be loving but it is tough as I don’t Think it is appreciated.

Should I move out of the house, I want to be here for my boys due to when my wife is home she is so loving to them but in the last 3 out of 5 nights she has not come home from work till midnight. I guess trying to stay away from me or has she found someone.

[lostandhurt]

Do not move out!!!!

 

Be patient and don't worry that you or your actions are being appreciated. Once things are worked out then you can consider those things but right now you are trying to save your marriage.

 

Don't argue, don't debate facts but don't be a wussy and beg for anything. Take care of yourself your kids and the house. Spend time alone with the boys doing simple things and give her the space she seems to want.

 

What time does she usually get off work? Is she secretive with her phone? Does she take it everywhere? (even the bathroom) Has she changed her appearance? Lost weight? Bought new/different clothes?

 

Lost

[journeynow]

Do not move out!!!!

 

I agree, do not move out. She is the one asking for a divorce, so essentially she is the one making a choice to leave the marriage. If she really wants to leave, she can move out. It could be harder for the kids that way, but that would be part of HER choice, not yours. If you want to stay and work on it, that's what you focus on. As I see it, it doesn't make sense for the person who wants to stay to be the one to actually leave, and the one who wants to leave to be the one who stays put.

 

{edit}

Just want to add, don't tell her to leave, don't argue about it, but don't agree to leave if you want to stay in the marriage (and don't want to "abandon" it).

[19Bert58]

She normally is off work by 6pm and seems to be guarding her phone. It has a password on it so I could not get in if I wanted, I believe she has changed the password on everything. Clothes wise I haven’t noticed anything new. In all honesty she gets ready for work and scurries out the door and doesn’t come back till late. My wife has always stayed in shape, maybe has lost a few pounds.

[lostandhurt]

She doesn't come home from work for 6 hours after her shift ends? Where do you think she is passing the time?

 

I think it is time you take a closer look at everything. The way she acts, the friends she talks about and hangs around, drinking habits, phone usage (check her cell bill), spending habits (cc bill), attitude about certain things has changed and things like that.

 

Lost

[19Bert58]

She definitely has a bad attitude and will be impossible to check her phone as I don’t have the password. She has been hanging around divorced women so I am sure she is complaining to them what a bad life she has had and how she can screw up my life.

[19Bert58]

what am I pretending not to know, the first month I was sure she was not seeing anyone but now I believe she has met who ever.

I am at a lost on what to do, we do live in the same house but she speaks only when she needs to. My kids do not know what’s going on. I can’t believe how my life has changed in a matter of a few months

[lostandhurt]

Google "Walk Away Wife Syndrome"

 

Also read these threads on this forum:

 

 

 

Lost

[19Bert58]

I put a gps tracker on the car, and she is going to the same place every night. Bloody ell! An affair is happening. Maybe it was not menopause , maybe a mid life crisis or something. I guess the marriage is over

[lostandhurt]

Gather up any evidence you think may help in the divorce while you play dumb. Be sure to make copies of all important documents and start looking around for help with a divorce.

 

Don't confront her yet or at all. Cheaters lie and then lie some more and then try and blame you for their betrayal.

 

If it is over then stay silent and plan the end of your marriage. It will go much better for you if she is happy with her bf. Don't get caught up in the whole she is cheated and is happy while I am devastated and it is totally unfair thing. Of course it is unfair but her happiness will not last once you divorce her and she has to fend for herself without your security but you will be long gone by then.

 

IF you want to try and stop her cheating and get her to come back to the marriage then you need to learn a great deal before even trying. Be warned that it is extremely tough and takes a thick skin and a ton of patience.

 

Take a few days and think about what you want to do and please stop blaming her cheating on mid life crisis or hormones or anything, she chose to cheat on you over and over again all on her own. There is no one or thing to blame but her.

 

I am sorry

 

Lost

[ThatwasThen]

I put a gps tracker on the car, and she is going to the same place every night. Bloody ell! An affair is happening. Maybe it was not menopause , maybe a mid life crisis or something. I guess the marriage is over

 

Where is the "same place?" Do you know for certain she is having an affair?

[19Bert58]

She was at a house for 2

Nights and has not been back the last few days. Maybe I am wrong.

She is pushing big time to get a legal separation. Pushing for mediation and I think to get me out of the house

[19Bert58]

She told the kids she will not be back till the morning and then drove to the boyfriends house. Now I am certain of the affair. I don’t feel good at all. Didn’t take her long to find someone. How do I stop this.

[itsallgrand]

Did you contact a lawyer yet?

[19Bert58]

Yes, talked with the lawyer a few days ago. Told her I wanted to drag it out as I want to live in the home. My stbx wants me out and in all honesty not sure if i should stay, it’s hard seeing her and how she is carrying on. I have to go back to work next week

[lostandhurt]

Do not move out! She can move out if it comes to that. Maybe her bf will take her in....

 

Since you are away at work you need to protect yourself. What does the lawyer say? It sounds like she is getting legal advice from someone.

 

Just don't promise anything or move out before you have a legal agreement in place. I say sell the house and split the equity. That way you don't have to pay for a house you can't live in.

 

There is no way of stopping this as long as she is in the grips of the fantasy.

 

Try and accept that it is over, plan for the worst and hope for the best.

 

Lost

[nick66]

She told the kids she will not be back till the morning and then drove to the boyfriends house. Now I am certain of the affair. I don’t feel good at all. Didn’t take her long to find someone. How do I stop this.

 

She's been with him a lot longer than you think she has. This wasn't sudden.