I've really fallen for my friend

[JamesL]

I think I'm in love with a friend of mine. I've known him for a couple of years now and to me he is everything, he's what I think about when I wake up and he's the last thing I think of when I go to sleep, but could he like me too?

 

We are both male and I'm really unsure on if he's in the closet or not, I really can't make my mind up. He's very forward and gets in my personal space a lot, from lacing hands with me to putting his arms around me and keeping them there for a while and telling me that I am his 'boy bae'

 

What's off putting is that he says things like let's go and get some girls when we're out on the town and because he says things like that it knocks my confidence on asking him the big question I've always wanted to ask him.

 

I've never known him to have a girlfriend and i only ever hear stories about his sex life with girls but it feels like he exaggerates about it or is entirely making it up. He's not ugly or anything so it makes me wonder.

 

I want to just go for it and maybe try kiss him but I suffer from anxiety and if I were to be rejected I would probably go into a panick attack. Even asking him to be more than friends I would go into heavy breathing and mess everything up. We share the same friends group and I'm the type of person to hide and avoid if I make a fool of myself, I wouldn't know what to say to the rest of the group if it all came out.

 

If he were to go into a relationship suddenly with someone else I would be completely gutted and wouldn't be able to hide my sadness. It would be written on my face.

 

I don't know what to do, we are very close for friends but when he talks about girls it's frustrating.

 

Advice?

[Giblesp]

Just be careful, if it doesn't work out the friendship may never be the same.

[SweetGirl28]

Have you ever asked him if he's bisexual?

Are you gay, or bi?

Does he know? Do you pick up girls with him?

How old are you both? How long have you been friends?

[JamesL]

I've been careful for ages and I'm bi I'm 21 and he's 19. And no he only talks about girls but it never happens. I'm unsure if he knows if I'm bi or not, it came out a couple of years ago but he wasn't actually there on that night but all our friends were, I don't make it a secret so surely he knows I am. And we've known each other for 3 years

[Unreasonable]

I'd let him know unequivocally that you're bi first, and let him soak that in for a bit before you "pop the question" so to speak, and don't expect him to admit to it even if he is, as he may prefer to stay in the closet. If he keeps talking about picking up girls with you I would NOT assume he knows about it. In fact, he could be doing that to get a reaction from you as he may be thinking the same thing about you.

[ThatwasThen]

If you're bi then he would indeed feel free to invite you to pick up girls with him and could very well know that you go both ways if he's overstepping platonic friendship boundaries by locking fingers with you and putting his arm around you at length.

 

Next time he over-steps platonic relationship boundaries with you like that then garner up the courage to ask him outright if he's gay or bi. Then stop talking and let him answer. If he says he's not bi or gay then YOU stop letting him cross boundaries with you and keep your platonic friendship legitimate. Remove your hand from his and take his arm away from your shoulders when he goes there again.

 

His actions are confusing you and stagnating you from finding someone that wants what you want.