My Boyfriend Lied

[HeartviaVegas]

I've been with my b boyfriend for 4years and 9moths. We don't live with each other yet. He lives with his sister and her boyfriend. Although we've been talking about living together recently. Long story short, last night we had dinner at Capriottis and headed to my place so we can watch our Sunday show...The Walking Dead. While waiting for the show to come on, we were in bed talking and on our phones. I was on instagram and noticed he changed his Instagram name. So I clicked on his instagram and noticed he posted a mask. So I clicked on his likes and noticed that one of his friends who he used to work with liked his picture. I clicked on her profile just to check it out and saw that he went to see Cat in Utah on October 13. They had pictures together and she took pictures of him. On one of the pictures she posted, "My friend Mike came to Utah".

 

I was upset, broken, and sad when I saw the picture. I felt all types of emotion. I was devastated. Earlier that week of October the 13th he told me he was working a double on Saturday and Sunday. I thought nothing about it because he's worked a double before over the weekend. So I was fine with it. I even played around with him and said, "are you sure you're not going to see someone else?" He said, "No". We did argue about this girl Cat a year ago because she would post about going to have breakfast with him on Facebook before and I questioned it. His reply was he's never had breakfast with her. Also when she moved to Utah he helped her move by loading the Uhaul truck with her stuff. Yeah, I never knew about that either. On top of that, I've met all his friends except her. As a good girlfriend I told him that Id like to meet her and maybe have breakfast with her. He said it would never happen because she moved.

 

Anyway, I cried last night and asked him why he lied about working a double that weekend? He said he just needed to get out of Vegas because things weren't going well with his car, family, and the shooting that happened. He said I wasn't one of them the problems. He said he went and got a hotel the first night and ended up sleeping on her couch. He took off from work on Friday Saturday and Sunday just to spend time in Utah.

 

He apologized and I just didn't want to hear it. I love him and thought I could spend the rest of my life with him. Regardless of his infedelity I accepted who he is and what he can't provide me. I've been patient with him. This hurts. I don't know what to do? I need great advice, wisdom, and strength right now.

[ThatwasThen]

Are you saying he's had a previous infidelity or are you considering him going to Utah and sleeping on her couch (so he says) the infidelity?

 

In any event, he can't be trusted now. Not only did he not tell you he was going there, he has an Instagram account that you didn't know about wherein he's been in kahoots with her.

 

What are you going to do?

[HeartviaVegas]

He can't have kids. He has a Facebook and Instagram account that I've known about. I've kept an eye on him liking a picture every now and then. I cant stop him from doing what he wants to do. He makes his own choices. It's come to a point of our relationship that I've learned to trust him over the years. We had a rocky start because he was in a relationship with a married woman and he decided to do him. Then we met. I totally can't trust him at all right now. The trust I built is gone. I want to end the relationship. He doesn't. But I strongly believe I have to.

[ThatwasThen]

He can't have kids. He has a Facebook and Instagram account that I've known about. I've kept an eye on him liking a picture every now and then. I cant stop him from doing what he wants to do. He makes his own choices. It's come to a point of our relationship that I've learned to trust him over the years. We had a rocky start because he was in a relationship with a married woman and he decided to do him. Then we met. I totally can't trust him at all right now. The trust I built is gone. I want to end the relationship. He doesn't. But I strongly believe I have to.

I strongly believe you have to as well. *I'm sorry he did a stupid thing and effed it all up.

[HeartviaVegas]

Do you think he slept with her? He told me he didn't and that she has a roommate who he thinks she's sleeping with.

[ThatwasThen]

Do you think he slept with her? He told me he didn't and that she has a roommate who he thinks she's sleeping with.

 

I don't know but just looking at the facts that he doesn't have the boundary in place to keep himself away from a married woman, he lied to you about where he was, he changed his Instagram name without mentioning it to you and he hedged when you mentioned you wanted to meet her all that makes it sound suspect and it makes it very hard for him to be trusted.

 

Why did he go there without you? How would he feel if you went to another guys home for the weekend after you lied where you would be? Why does he need to have one-on-one date like activities with another woman?

[HeartviaVegas]

I don't know but just looking at the facts that he doesn't have the boundary in place to keep himself away from a married woman, he lied to you about where he was, he changed his Instagram name without mentioning it to you and he hedged when you mentioned you wanted to meet her all that makes it sound suspect and it makes it very hard for him to be trusted.

 

Why did he go there without you? How would he feel if you went to another guys home for the weekend after you lied where you would be? Why does he need to have one-on-one date like activities with another woman?

 

I asked him and he said he just wanted to get away from Vegas. I asked him how he would feel if I did the same thing to him? He couldn't answer...he didn't know. We did talk about his ex who cheated on him and when he found out she was with another guy he said it was over. I told him that our relationship could be over and that it has to end. I can't be with someone who doesn't consider my feelings. It's just so hard. 4 years going on 5years in February. I'm 34 years old. I didn't suspect this to happen at my age. I was thinking about our future together. It breaks my heart. I was in a horrible relationship before this one. He knew that my ex was a liar.

[ThatwasThen]

I asked him and he said he just wanted to get away from Vegas. I asked him how he would feel if I did the same thing to him? He couldn't answer...he didn't know. We did talk about his ex who cheated on him and when he found out she was with another guy he said it was over. I told him that our relationship could be over and that it has to end. I can't be with someone who doesn't consider my feelings. It's just so hard. 4 years going on 5years in February. I'm 34 years old. I didn't suspect this to happen at my age. I was thinking about our future together. It breaks my heart. I was in a horrible relationship before this one. He knew that my ex was a liar.

Does he understand that what he did was a crappy thing to have done at least? Does he understand that he crossed a whole boat load of romantic relationship boundaries when he lied to you to be with another woman (even if he didn't sleep with her)?

[HeartviaVegas]

I hope he does...he said he's not into white girls and he would never date her. I'm just so devastated. I wastes so much time and invested so much. My head hurts and I didn't get much sleep last night. I don't know how to find the right one for me anymore. I always end up with the wrong man or I just don't know how to choose them. I see what you're saying. This is going to be a huge pill to swallow.

[HeartviaVegas]

Does he understand that what he did was a crappy thing to have done at least? Does he understand that he crossed a whole boat load of romantic relationship boundaries when he lied to you to be with another woman (even if he didn't sleep with her)?

 

I saved their picture together as my screen saver to remind myself everyday what he did so I can get over this relationship fast and move on

[ThatwasThen]

You're a strong woman with good strong personal boundaries in place. Your odds are high that you're going to end up with a good guy that also has good personal boundaries and knows the importance of maintaining strong romantic relationship boundaries in place.

 

So sorry you're hurting. He's an idiot and I'm sure he's figured that out by now.

[reinventmyself]

A lie is a lie, but the fact that he lied to spend the entire weekend together without you knowing will haunt you forever.

Especially in light of the fact that this same woman has been a source of issues between the two of you before.

 

A different Instagram account and now he has a second life you don't know about and came to find out accidently.

This is what you did found out, imagine what you don't know?

 

He's reckless and sloppy and I wouldn't be planning my life around him.

[MissCanuck]

I'm really sorry this happened, OP. I can't imagine how awful you felt discovering this secret trip he made to her.

 

He got busted. Plain and simple. My guess? What you found is only the tip of the iceberg. There is likely a lot more going on between them; there almost always is.

 

Get rid of him. He is not who you thought he was.

[HeartviaVegas]

Thank you for the advice. I need a lot more of this. Keep them coming please. I really need the help

[HeartviaVegas]

A lie is a lie, but the fact that he lied to spend the entire weekend together without you knowing will haunt you forever.

Especially in light of the fact that this same woman has been a source of issues between the two of you before.

 

A different Instagram account and now he has a second life you don't know about and came to find out accidently.

This is what you did found out, imagine what you don't know?

 

He's reckless and sloppy and I wouldn't be planning my life around him.

 

It's haunting me now. It was just last night. It makes me wonder if all the other double shifts were true. I've wanted to see if he really did do a double shift just to check it out...but I told myself to trust. And look what trusting someone got me. It lead to heartbreak and devastation.

[HeartviaVegas]

I'm really sorry this happened, OP. I can't imagine how awful you felt discovering this secret trip he made to her.

 

He got busted. Plain and simple. My guess? What you found is only the tip of the iceberg. There is likely a lot more going on between them; there almost always is.

 

Get rid of him. He is not who you thought he was.

 

I pray I meet the right one soon...i feel like my time is running out.

[DancingFool]

I pray I meet the right one soon...i feel like my time is running out.

 

If that's what you believe then you will continue to sabotage yourself by picking cheating lying losers. No, your time isn't running out. Kudos to you for your strength in leaving him. There is just too much shady happening there. If they were just friends, he'd have had no problem with you meeting her.

 

Anyway, please please raise your standards. There are plenty of men for you out there. You've got to believe that and you've got to ruthlessly weed out those who aren't worthy. Any guy with a history of cheating....don't even bother, just send him straight to the trash bin because history repeats itself. He is telling you what he is capable of, so better believe him and move on.

[HeartviaVegas]

You're right. He could be capable of doing the same thing in the future.

[abitbroken]

What a liar. If he "just needed to get away" to clear his head -- i totally understand that - but as his girlfriend of 4 years - he would have said "hey, I need to get away - let's hit the road (together)" or would have told you what he was doing instead of disappearing. Who goes out of town when their CAR is one of the problems? Makes no sense. I hope you break up with this guy - as long as you have been with him - i couldn't marry someone someday who deceived me and hid a female friend. actually, i was married to someone who hid a female friend and it stunk.