Need some advice

[Creamybutter]

So, i was introduced to a friend's friend a few months ago. Turned out we were very similar in personality and interests and got along great.

 

A few weeks after we were introduced, he announced he was getting engaged. We remained friends since though. He's getting married in a month or two. His fiance lives in another city.

 

We both catchup almost every weekend now.

I've connected with his fiance over social media and spoken to her. I'm invited to his wedding.

 

We don't flirt when we hang out, just real conversations, and toilet humor and a lot of laughs. I meet him coz i enjoy the company. We meet a public places, walk around a bit, watch movies. That's about it.

 

Im just hoping he's not expecting this to go anywhere. I'm not the sorts to have anything to do with a taken guy, its just that i get along great with him and we both are living alone in the city. Id hate to find out that he's hanging out with me with some weird agenda because he seems like a nice guy.

 

I don't want to say anything and make it awkward. We do talk about his fiance and his wedding and its all normal.

 

Any advice?

[Batya33]

Sounds fine especially since you are invited to the wedding. Have you met his future wife? I think it’s fine to be friendly with him but be careful not to cross the line. It’s unusual for him to seek out a new female friendship right before his wedding.

[ThatwasThen]

Once he's married and living with his wife, do you expect to hang out with him one on one still or will you be including his wife on your hang outs? I would keep it to latter and maintain platonic relationship boundaries with him. Hanging out one-on-one doing date like activities with him while he leaves his wife at home to do it is just wrong IMO and it leaves things sliding on a slippery slope to what you fear happening... not to mention how disrespectful it would be to his wife.

[catfeeder]

Either I sense such a problem with the guy, or I don't. If I don't, then what's to bring up? If I do, then I'd curb my own behavior rather than try to manage his. I'd avoid initiating contact and getting together, and whenever he does, I'd respond as usual, except I wouldn't accept any invitations that don't include his fiancee'.

 

It makes no sense to feign ignorance while behaving in ways that contribute to a problem, only to feign surprise at a foreseeable outcome and point a finger at anyone else. We're each in control of our own behavior, so address yours rather than his, and take the driver's seat in effecting the right outcome.

[willdation]

Perhaps he is thinking the exact same thing...

 

Now if you do enjoy his company so much, there could be a chance feelings could develop. It's actually pretty common...

 

I would try and get to know his fiancée more better to include her. Why not write and talk with her more?

 

Also, most "nice guys" do have an agenda and pretend to be just friends, but is that really a big deal? Women often friend-zone guys....

 

You can also just say things like, "you are such a great friend" etc and see how he responds....

 

When I am in a relationship I tend to just hang out with girls in groups and not 1-2-1. it's easy to say 'well it's not a date' but going out, having fun with nice conversations will just bring two people closer and closer and closer together...so having a healthy bit of distance is important sometimes as not everything is so black and white.