How do I let my friend know that I don’t want to go to Europe with her?

[ggp8]

I’m facing a bit of a conundrum. About a month ago, I told my friend that I would like to go to Europe with her this summer. But after I did that, I started thinking about that choice. My friend has a bit of a drinking problem and can get pretty wild and out of hand. I now realize that going with her would be an unwise choice, and I wouldn’t feel all that safe – I feel like it would increase the chance that we may get in trouble, let alone putting a bit of responsibility on me to monitor her. I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and that I’d rather go with him – he and I both feel like this would be the safer choice. And now he really wants to go with me.

 

The problem is, my friend is still under the assumption that her and I are going to go. I don’t know how to break it to her that I’d rather go with my boyfriend. I don’t want to just say “Hey, I don’t feel like I’d be as safe with you because you have a drinking problem and can easily get out of hand”. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, insult her, or start something. I wish I had never told her about Europe in the first place.

 

I’m going to be seeing her Saturday night, and I fear that she is going to bring up how excited she is. Do you have any advice on what I can say to back out of going with her?

[indea08]

Tell her it's not the right time for you. Can't spend the money, can't take time off work right now, saving for this or that, etc. If she's a good friend with any maturity, she won't push it too far.

[ggp8]

But wouldn’t she see that as a lie once she hears / sees that my boyfriend and I have gone this summer instead?

[Coily]

One out that pops into my head, does your Boyfriend have different interest than she does as to what to see and do. With him coming along, just let her know that he is super excited and that you'll probably not do much that she'd want to do.

 

Or more simply tell her more of the truth, that you will enjoy it more with your BF. IF she is truly your friend she'll respect your decision.

[melancholy123]

Tell her sooner rather than later that you cant go with her, no money, no time, no desire or interest, whichever you think is best to say. Dont tell her it's because she drinks too much. I wouldn't tell her you want to go with your bf next summer rather than her, that'll ruin your friendship for sure.

[Andrina]

I'd probably tell her that enjoying each others company locally is great, but now that you think of it, you two probably won't make good traveling buddies, and because of that, you don't want the friendship to be messed up if you get irritated with each others differences while traveling.

 

Practice all the responses you'll have in answering any possible questions she has. Whatever you do, don't back down. Life's too short to be stressing for 9 months about a trip you don't want to take with her. I don't see any problem with mentioning the drinking differences, just as long as you're not judgmental about it. I'd say something like: "Now that I've got a boyfriend, I'm no longer heavy into the drinking/party scene and that's boring to me now. You'd have more fun with someone who's into the same fun stuff you like, and my gut's telling me to pass on this trip together." Good luck.

[annie24]

Tell her it's not the right time for you. Can't spend the money, can't take time off work right now, saving for this or that, etc. If she's a good friend with any maturity, she won't push it too far.

 

Yeah - I would probably say something along those lines. You looked at your budget and can't make it happen.

 

If you do go to europe with your bf later, you can tell her that he paid for the whole trip.

[willdation]

Meh....no big deal...just say, "hey...are you still thinking of going to Europe? I don't think I can make it with ya this time, unfortunately But I would love to go with ya so maybe next trip let me know"

 

That's usually what I always say I don't want to take the time to go into further detail and deal with negativity...so just keep it positive that you are open for next time

 

 

if she responds with - "What?! why not? you promised"

 

just be like - "Yeah, unfortunately it just won't work out this time but really it will be SOOO much fun next time when we all go..."

 

dont say cause you think she drinks too much that will just blow up in your face...

 

I had a couple friends that are girls invite me two days ago to a ski resort (most likely share a hotel with them) in the Alps of Austria and then go and visit her parents there....It would not be appropriate for me at the moment..ehm....so I just was like "That looks soo amazing there!!! Yeah...I'd love to go...not sure about this time tho...but next time for sure!!! " I get things like that often and I have tried every reason and even being direct and never worked...so just being light and positive should do the trick