thebeardguy Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Ok, long story short. Wife of 7 years (been together 10) has an emotional affair, blames it mostly on my ignoring her (I had issues with a mental illness for a couple years), we tried working on it, two months later she get's caught sending nudes to a guy on facebook. Wanted to get caught to make me angry and "shock me" into being afraid to lose her. That was a month and a half ago. I'm living in a motel and looking for my own place while we go through the counseling (an agreement we had should the marriage ever start to fail) and am filing for divorce in a few weeks. We do consider ourselves separated. I was honestly not sad about the whole situation. I had been unhappy for several years and realized that now was my time to exit. I care about her in so much as she's a person who has no idea how to take care of herself and her mom is battling cancer. I've been there and know it's hard. However, I was done with the emotional affair, the pics just kind of sealed the deal (there's more there than just these two incidents, but it's basically years if incompatibility and mistreatment on both our parts). About a week after the split, I find out a girl that I had a crush on (but never pursued....we all have crushes from time to time, I get it's a thing, but I didn't pursue it and tried to ignore it) had a thing for me for awhile. She was two months out of a relationship. So, I decide to ask her out (despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me almost, and has a daughter, while I have no kids). But I made it clear it wasn't a relationship thing. I liked her and just wanted to hang out, see a movie, start a real friendship with her and see where it takes us in the future. So we have a date planned, she keeps telling me she's excited, etc etc. Then, she no shows. Tells me later that she couldn't find a sitter and also was having some second guesses, saying she was worried because we worked on the same team and stuff that there would be issues, on top of the fact that I'm so recently split from a wife I'm still legally married to. No problem, I get it. I have no issues with that mindset, but keep in mind I wasn't looking to date (but would not be opposed should it get to that point). The next few weeks we're talking every day, off and on from morning to bedtime. We make plans several times to meet up, never happens. She got let go from work (unreleated attendance issue) and was having a hard time with that, as well as being a single mom. Again, COMPLETELY understand. We were supposed to go out this past weekend as part of a big group. Once one member cancelled, the others did as well. I ask her if she still wants to hang out since we have now not seen each other for three weeks. She immediately asks for my address (I just meant go get a coffee or something...) and says she'll be here soon. She never shows up. Later says she's sorry for blowing me off but she just get's nervous and shuts down. Says she did some creeping and saw where I was still "involved" with my wife (because we were going to counseling and stuff) and was worried she was just a rebound. Says she really likes me, but just needs time to think and make sure it's right. I get it, she has a child and doesn't want to make any rash decisions. I tell her that's fine, we can just do what I wanted to do from teh get go, and just be friends and hang out and get to know each other. She said the only issue is she's really into me and would wand more than that. She mentions she wants to just jump in but feels like there's this wall, and she's scared because I have so much going on, so many loose ends. She says I'm talented and smart and cute and charming and caring, and that she's not going anywhere, she just doesn't feel the need to be with someone right now. My problem is, during this time, I kind of sort of fell for her. I do NOT consider her a rebound, as I don't feel I have anything to rebound from. My marriage was over a long time ago, I'm just accepting it and making it official. I just want someone to hang out with that I like and want to get to know better. I understand her child is priority number 1, but it never seemed to be about her. I guess my question is, did I miss out on this? Did she actually lose interest or are we waiting for something amazing? I have no issues waiting, I can wait for a long LOOOONG time. I just want to know that I'm waiting for someone who is actually thinking. I've been out of the game for 10 years, and even before this never really had something like this so I am well out of my league. I am crazy about her, but more than anything, I'd like to just see her, hang out. Did I push too hard? Or do I just need to shut up and continue waiting? Link to comment
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