My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?

[Honeycomb8]

How is it that she could be in hospital for more than a couple of days before her parents finding out?

So are you telling me that those three weeks she was in hospital, her parents didn't wonder once where the heck their 18 year old daughter has disappeared to?

 

I'm in my 20's and if I disappeared for three weeks, my parents would definitely wonder what's been happening.

 

Your story does have gaps. I'm sorry, but unless she has actual evidence she went to hospital etc she's mostly lying to you.

It is afterall an ego boost (in some messed up people's eyes) if they can have two dates with someone, talk with someone abit over some messenging app and have the guy pining after them.

[pippy longstocking]

She arrived by train to my city, as it had been easier for her that way as she has a really controlling mother who doesn't even want to let her out sometimes.

 

Yet she is telling you her parents have no idea .... mate she is spinning you so much crap it is astonishing you haven't picked up on any of this . You don't know her , all you know is what she tells you . She has some serious problems going on in the mental health department .

 

her dad (he's a traffic cop)

 

yet you have described her parents as below average intelligence ...op can you not see this BS

[pippy longstocking]

I suggested she might be mentally ill and seek treatment.

 

I blocked her on WhatsApp and told her I believe her mental and physical capacities are in decline due to her anorexia.

 

I believe she is extremely ill with anorexia and that her parents must know. That I will write them a letter personally, not as her boyfriend but somebody whose identity is irrelevant but is well aware of her situation, which her parents aren't

 

Then you say

 

Well, she was already very skinny before I met her as well but seemed to be functioning ok, even reporting doing gardening around her house when we first met. Was she mentally ill before? I don't know. I am not a doctor who deals with her medical history nor am I a psychologist.

 

You are tying yourself in knots here mate to try and make everything she is doing and saying right .. If you are real and this is real then I actually feel sorry for you and how far into this you have fallen . You have only known her since June and only met her twice , she has sucked you into her drama and you are contradicting yourself , believing ridiculous stories and convincing yourself everything she says is real .

[Anorex]

How is it that she could be in hospital for more than a couple of days before her parents finding out?

So are you telling me that those three weeks she was in hospital, her parents didn't wonder once where the heck their 18 year old daughter has disappeared to?

I'm sorry, I once again have no idea what you're talking about. Where did I say they didn't know about her being in a hospital?!

 

Yet she is telling you her parents have no idea .... mate she is spinning you so much crap it is astonishing you haven't picked up on any of this . You don't know her , all you know is what she tells you . She has some serious problems going on in the mental health department .

Controlling while she's at home doesn't have to mean she knows everything about her, especially when they have a strained relationship.

 

yet you have described her parents as below average intelligence ...op can you not see this BS

 

Traffic cops don't have a good reputation where I live.

 

Then you say

 

You are tying yourself in knots here mate to try and make everything she is doing and saying right .. If you are real and this is real then I actually feel sorry for you and how far into this you have fallen . You have only known her since June and only met her twice , she has sucked you into her drama and you are contradicting yourself , believing ridiculous stories and convincing yourself everything she says is real .

 

I'm sorry, I believe you mean well but this post is just full of incorrect claims. The first three quotes all relate to October and the one about gardening to June. That's a huge difference, you're comparing two sides of the extreme, late June and this October. Much happened in between so of course these statements are different. And yet I admit I can't know if she had been ill before and that she was already quite skinny when we met, yes. Where are the inconsistencies? The only inconsistency was about the hospital rules/real reasons why I didn't visit and I explained why I tried to avoid that issue. In any case, our problems started after she left the hospital.

 

I don't know which ridiculous stories I'm believing. I believe you're wasting your time trying to make me believe she wasn't in the hospital or something. That is bat, given that I visited her once she was hospitalized briefly in early July (between the two meetings) so I know she was in and out of hospitals. I am in no way convincing myself that anything she says is real either. Her erratic behavior is what caused this to happen and refused to play along anymore. But you're refusing to believe most basic things and making me waste my energy on proving that this isn't some huge elaborate deception lasting months designed to do what... have fun with me? She was in the hospital for 3 weeks, sorry. That she didn't go out sooner was because she wasn't eating, and couldn't recover, just like she can't now. It would be useful is some of you would actually deal with what's going on now and not spout silly conspiracy theories.

[pippy longstocking]

I am out ....good luck mate

[Anorex]

I am out ....good luck mate

 

Well, I'm sorry if you don't want to discuss this anymore but most of what you say is flat out incorrect or makes outrageous claims that are almost certainly impossible.

 

You see something I said about her doing in late June and doing in October and say "Can't you see the difference, how is this possible?!" It is possible, if the difference is almost 4 months and you get to watch the decline during that time.

 

If you don't want to address my replies to this and just take your toys and go home I'm sorry but you don't get to claim reality based on your misconceptions and steer this away from "What now?" to "What if she lied for 4 months in incredibly crazy way even if you saw multiple evidence she didn't with your own eyes?".

 

Right now there had been few posts on what to do now and many about if an 18 yo had been an immensely wicked elaborate liar for over 4 months.

[pippy longstocking]

If you don't want to address my replies to this and just take your toys and go home

 

You need to grow up , the reason I am out is I am not prepared to sit here wasting my time on bickering on the most contradictory thread I have ever read . You do what you want to do and believe what you care to believe . I am no more invested in your life then I am any other strangers on here .

[Anorex]

the reason I am out is I am not prepared to sit here wasting my time on bickering on the most contradictory thread I have ever read

 

But where are these contradictions? The only thing that was somewhat a contradiction was stated by me (the hospital policy/real reasons thing). And I've admitted that. Everything else had been well explained to you several times and yet you still see some contradictions. My replies covered every "contradiction" you saw. You're about as rational as her, I believe.

[nutbrownhare]

Without going into all the to-ing and fro-ing of who said what, and what information was verifiable, here's my two-cents' worth...

 

You seem to be far too emotionally invested in a girl you've only known for three months and met twice; given this depth of feeling, it is probably related to something in your own history. You are particularly vulnerable in this respect because of your lack of dating opportunities so far, and therefore when someone DID turn up - it would have seemed like the answer to your prayers. This would explain why you find it so difficult to let go of the possibility of a relationship with her, no matter what.

 

Again, without going into her physical health issues... it sounds as though she simply went off the idea of a relationship with you and couldn't pluck up the courage to say so. Someone who really wanted to see you would have found a way of doing so. I used to know a girl who treated guys like this; she'd meet them, be all loved-up for a little while, go off the idea - but continue to string them along, often for months, because she didn't want to "hurt their feelings". She gave the impression of being very vulnerable, and appealed to very caring guys (like yourself) who wanted to look after her.

 

For your own emotional health, leave this one behind. There's no way the medical professionals aren't aware of her issues, and it's the responsibility of her family to take care of her - rather than yours. Even if she wanted you with her, you'd be way out of your depth.

 

(((HUGS)))