BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I'm not sure if this is the right place for my post but this is about my marriage so I went with it lol. I have been married for 2 years but we have been dating for 5. My husband was the first man I ever dated, kissed, or slept with. He was my first love and I will always love him, no matter what happens with our relationship. Recently I decided i'm bored with just one guy, I asked my husband if I could sleep with someone else, since he loves me and would do anything I ask he said yes. So here we are, we both have passes and I actually used mine. he didn't. he said he was fine with it and a year later he never brings it up. I still want to be with other guys, but not just that, I also want to be single. I want to have my own crappy apartment with a stoner roomate. I want to have sex and get drunk on the weekends, I want to flirt with other guys and send sexy pictures to a guy I just met. I have this weird need for attention, I need other people to look at me, to want me. I love my husband and he is perfect, I couldn't ask for a better man. I just don't to be his wife any longer. I still want him to be apart of my life, i just want to do my own thing. Of course he doesn't feel the same way and even though i've explained how I felt to him he just tells me that we're meant for each other so I need to deal with it. Part of me knows he's right, i love him and i'm dumb for actually thinking about leaving him but i want to be a 22 year old woman. I just need to know someone else's take on this. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 My take is that you should probably talk to a therapist about your wanderlust and grass is greener syndrome. Why did you marry him if you want to be promiscuous and live such a dangerous life-style? You do realize that its very immature of you to want to have that lifestyle while you hang onto your safety net husband, right? Do you work? Why the "stoner roommate?" What's that all about? Have you at least talked to your husband about ramping up your relationship to be a bit more exciting AS A TEAM rather then you doing all of this that you want to do without him in the picture until you need him? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Why the "stoner roommate?" What's that all about? you called op Are you intending on ending the marriage then ? Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Save your husband from himself and break up with him. You should be single imo. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 you called op Are you intending on ending the marriage then ? ... lol ... You always manage to give me a laugh a day. *bows* Link to comment
AtitAgain Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 How old are you? Not that it matters... but just curious. Are there any kids in the picture? Are both you and your husband on the same age group? How is your sex life with him? IMO YOLO (you only live once), do what makes you happy. I think that if he really is as great as you say, in 1-2 years you will regret your decision, but it will be too late, he will have someone else and want nothing to do with you. I don't blame him either, because that is exactly what I would do. Surprised he didn't dump you already... . . . . On another note, got pics? Where do you live... I could help... lol j/k Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 I'm 22, he's 24 and we have a 2 year old daughter. We have great sex and have no issues in that department. I haven't always felt like this, we both loved our marriage up until about a year ago. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I'm 22, he's 24 and we have a 2 year old daughter. We have great sex and have no issues in that department. I haven't always felt like this, we both loved our marriage up until about a year ago. How you going to manage this lifestyle you crave when you have your two year old daughter to look after as a single? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 So basically you married your high school sweetheart, being way too young yourself to understand what you are actually getting into. Now that you are 22, it's hitting you hard and you are realizing that you are not ready to be a wife. I don't think you are selfish, but I do think that rushing into marriage so young was a colossal mistake on your part. Something you didn't think through and are now dealing with the fallout and the consequences. I do think that you need to be honest with yourself that you have long fallen out of this puppy love you had for your husband. If you still loved him, you wouldn't be lusting after other guys to the extent that you are doing. Your husband doesn't get to dismiss this situation as "you are just meant to be and deal with it". That's delusional thinking on his part. At the same time, you can't have it both ways where he is providing for you as a husband and you go off chasing other men. It's an either or situation. I think you need to think about your options long and hard and either buckle down to marriage and being a loyal wife and how to be genuinely happy with that, or call it a day and divorce him while the going is still easy for that and you are still very young and able to go on with your own life easily and get married later on in life when you are actually ready for that. Make a decision and understand that either way you go, there are pros and cons, so figure out which set you can live with better. Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 My take is that you should probably talk to a therapist about your wanderlust and grass is greener syndrome. Why did you marry him if you want to be promiscuous and live such a dangerous life-style? You do realize that its very immature of you to want to have that lifestyle while you hang onto your safety net husband, right? I haven't always felt like this. We had a great relationship at first and even recovered after my husband cheated. We got married very young and had a kid and wanted more kids. now i just feel boxed in. I've explained all of this to my "safety net" of a husband and he doesn't want me to leave, he said no matter what we still love eachother. Do you work? Yes I have a very good job and have always supported myself through our entire relationship Why the "stoner roommate?" What's that all about? The roomate doesn't have to be a stoner, my point is I just want to be a kid. I missed out on doing normal college kid things because I was pregnant and married so young. Have you at least talked to your husband about ramping up your relationship to be a bit more exciting AS A TEAM rather then you doing all of this that you want to do without him in the picture until you need him? We have talked, like I said in my original post. We gave each other passes, we have 3 ways with other women, we have a great sex life and we both think so. Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 How you going to manage this lifestyle you crave when you have your two year old daughter to look after as a single? She is one of the main reasons we're still together. I'm not worried about being a single mom, i just don't want her to have to deal with us being apart and neither does my husband. I'm not saying i'm going to go out and screw truckers in a bathroom after snorting coke of their ass. i just miss having my own life, doing my own things. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 My take is that you should probably talk to a therapist about your wanderlust and grass is greener syndrome. Why did you marry him if you want to be promiscuous and live such a dangerous life-style? You do realize that its very immature of you to want to have that lifestyle while you hang onto your safety net husband, right? I haven't always felt like this. We had a great relationship at first and even recovered after my husband cheated. We got married very young and had a kid and wanted more kids. now i just feel boxed in. I've explained all of this to my "safety net" of a husband and he doesn't want me to leave, he said no matter what we still love eachother. Do you work? Yes I have a very good job and have always supported myself through our entire relationship Why the "stoner roommate?" What's that all about? The roomate doesn't have to be a stoner, my point is I just want to be a kid. I missed out on doing normal college kid things because I was pregnant and married so young. Have you at least talked to your husband about ramping up your relationship to be a bit more exciting AS A TEAM rather then you doing all of this that you want to do without him in the picture until you need him? We have talked, like I said in my original post. We gave each other passes, we have 3 ways with other women, we have a great sex life and we both think so. Well, I'm confused... You have a pass to do whatever you want but you say he doesn't want you to do what you want in your opening post... so really, what is it. He is okay with you acting single or is he just okay with you opening up your sex life wherein he gets to share in the play? Anyway, you have a codependent husband that is willing to put up with most everything you want so why not just break up with him and then go back to him when you feel the need. It sounds like he'd probably be jiggy with it??? What keeps you there? Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Well I'm very split. On one side you might have an issue that can be worked out. It might be solvable by therapy. If it an issue like that then you will never be able to be happy in a LTR because this will just keep happening. On the other hand, you are pretty young and have only been with one guy until your extramarital relations. It might be that your husband really isn't right for you but you and your husbands discord if ineffable. I think you need to think long and hard about which scenario it is and act accordingly. If you do leave your husband please let him down honestly. He seems like if you give him a shred of hope he will never get over you and you will have ruined his chances at happiness with someone else. At least until he comes to his senses, if he does. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I'm 22, he's 24 and we have a 2 year old daughter. We have great sex and have no issues in that department. I haven't always felt like this, we both loved our marriage up until about a year ago. Did something happen a year ago? Typically an event sparks the feeling, not just some spontaneous desire coming from nowhere. Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 op Are you intending on ending the marriage then ? I've mentioned it to him, yes. He refuses to seperate, even take a break. I could still leave but i would break his heart. which I guess I will anyway Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 .....Thing is that since you are a mother, you can't go back to being a kid.....ever...... In my earlier response I thought you guys didn't have any kids, so no real strings attached. What do you do for yourself? Meaning hobbies, sports, friends, going on a vacation? Is this possibly because you are just tired and bored with your life and so are seeking something, anything different? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I can see the desire to spread your wings , I can also believe you didn't always feel like this . But ...you are going to damage this man by staying with him darling , he gave a free pass and never used his ....that tells us that he will do anything to keep you and that is the problem ....He will put up with anything to keep his family together ..which is very noble of him , but it will be his downfall ..in the end . I think you are being honest enough to him and it is sad to read how desperately in love with you he is , but this is no different then any other relationship that had broken down ...one is heartbroken and one is set free . Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 Not really, everything in our marriage has been perfect. i just get bored and he gets stressed, it's nothing new though. We've been dealing with it for 5 years now lol Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 .....Thing is that since you are a mother, you can't go back to being a kid.....ever...... In my earlier response I thought you guys didn't have any kids, so no real strings attached. What do you do for yourself? Meaning hobbies, sports, friends, going on a vacation? Is this possibly because you are just tired and bored with your life and so are seeking something, anything different? I don't have anything here besides my husband and daughter. I moved here to be with him, I still haven't made any friends and there's nothing here to do that i'm interested in. He doesn't want to move because his family is here and we have to be steady for our daughter, i understand that. I just feel like staying here and in this relationship isn't healthy for her either. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 You keep saying that your marriage is perfect......but very clearly it isn't.... Maybe when you start identifying honestly what is missing and what isn't perfect, you will be better equipped to find a solution. Bored, stressed, cheated, want to cheat, doormat, in denial, contemplating separation - NOT a perfect relationship. Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 I love him and he loves me. I could leave and he would still be waiting for me whenever i'm ready, but that would be really crappy on my part. I want to stay with him and work it out, i just don't know why i have these feelings all of a sudden. he gave me a pass to experiment once, that was a one time thing and I didn't even enjoy it because I felt so much guilt. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Not really, everything in our marriage has been perfect. i just get bored and he gets stressed, it's nothing new though. We've been dealing with it for 5 years now lol Yes this is very misleading , the first bit says everything is perfect and the last bit says you have been dealing with it for 5 years * wanders off ...confused Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I don't have anything here besides my husband and daughter. I moved here to be with him, I still haven't made any friends and there's nothing here to do that i'm interested in. He doesn't want to move because his family is here and we have to be steady for our daughter, i understand that. I just feel like staying here and in this relationship isn't healthy for her either. Unless you are living in the middle of nowhere, then I do think that for your own sanity you need to put in a whole lot more effort into finding friends and things to do. Heck, start trying things you aren't interested in - you might surprise yourself. Nobody is ever so unique that they just can't find anyone else to connect with ....even in the middle of nowhere..... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I love him and he loves me. I could leave and he would still be waiting for me whenever i'm ready, but that would be really crappy on my part. I want to stay with him and work it out, i just don't know why i have these feelings all of a sudden. he gave me a pass to experiment once, that was a one time thing and I didn't even enjoy it because I felt so much guilt. * wanders back ahhh ok so you want to stay with him and work this out ....yes ? Link to comment
BrittanyAT Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 Sorry that was confusing, I'm at work on the phone with customers lol. We've had problems throughout our entire relationship, we've always handled it and it's never caused any real problems. We're both happy besides this little hiccup Link to comment
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