Need advice for in the future!

[DAmari]

I AM NOT READY TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYTIME SOON.

 

I just need advice for in the future so I don’t lead anybody on nor make a mistake.

 

 

Should I go on dates with multiple guys or should I just stick to one guy?

 

———————

 

I recently changed my relationship status on Facebook to single. Days later, guys have been messaging calling me pet names and wanting me to be in a relationship (which I am not ready for because I just got out of one).

 

 

Well, it hasn’t been only but two days that I have been chatting with this guy and he’s telling me: I am going to show you/teach you how to love, you are going to be so in love with me that it’ll drive you crazy, not even when I’m busy you will be #1, I am nothing like your exes or the guys you talked to (I haven’t even told him anything about me being cheated on nor my trust issues), and some more stuff.

 

 

There are also other guys who have wanted to be in a relationship with and take me out so we can chill, or whatever. And yes, they live in the same state as me.

 

 

Sometimes, I do want to go out with them. I just think that they’ll think I’m ugly in person. I won’t even video chat.

 

 

I am kind of confused because some of the guys I talk to I’m starting to feel their vibe. I don’t want to lead them and I kind of feel like I’m doing that. I know it’s not fair to them but I’m still learning...

 

 

This guy I was talking to told me that he liked talking to me and he liked my vibe. Well, he asked me can we talk on the phone (which I don’t really like to do most of the time). I said sure, and he asked me when I was free to do so. So, I asked him when he was free to talk otp and out of nowhere he just stopped talking to me.

 

 

No, I do not call any of the guys pet names or nor do I try to lead them on.

 

Any advice?

[Andrina]

It's an extreme red flag when guys are talking about being in a relationship with you and talking about love, etc. when you haven't even had one date with them yet. You're wasting a lot of time being pen pals with inappropriate fantasies.

 

How about getting off the computer and getting into the real world where you can meet a potential bf? Join a gym or a co-ed sports team. Look at meetups.com and see what activity groups are available in your age range.

 

If you don't feel good about yourself, you will attract the bottom of the barrel integrity-wise. Predators can sense a weak victim very easily. Work on your self esteem before getting back into dating. Read some articles or books on how to do that.

 

As far as multiple dating or singular dating, it's all about what you're comfortable with. As for me, if it gets to the point that I would be so into a guy that we started kissing, I'd rather stick with one and see where it leads.

 

If a guy is nothing but talk and doesn't ask you out within 2 weeks, don't waste anymore time on him. And stick to meeting in public for safety. Good luck.

[Batya33]

I wanted marriage and family so I didn't become exclusive too quickly so that I could get to know the person and keep my options open without putting all my eggs in one basket. Do you have dating goals/long term goals? That will affect your mindset/particular approach.

[DAmari]

I wanted marriage and family so I didn't become exclusive too quickly so that I could get to know the person and keep my options open without putting all my eggs in one basket. Do you have dating goals/long term goals? That will affect your mindset/particular approach.

 

Yes, I want to goto college. And I always wanted a long term relationship. I want it to be serious, make sure that we are both on the same page, no games, trust, communication, etc.

[DAmari]

It's an extreme red flag when guys are talking about being in a relationship with you and talking about love, etc. when you haven't even had one date with them yet. You're wasting a lot of time being pen pals with inappropriate fantasies.

 

How about getting off the computer and getting into the real world where you can meet a potential bf? Join a gym or a co-ed sports team. Look at meetups.com and see what activity groups are available in your age range.

 

If you don't feel good about yourself, you will attract the bottom of the barrel integrity-wise. Predators can sense a weak victim very easily. Work on your self esteem before getting back into dating. Read some articles or books on how to do that.

 

As far as multiple dating or singular dating, it's all about what you're comfortable with. As for me, if it gets to the point that I would be so into a guy that we started kissing, I'd rather stick with one and see where it leads.

 

If a guy is nothing but talk and doesn't ask you out within 2 weeks, don't waste anymore time on him. And stick to meeting in public for safety. Good luck.

 

Thank you, a lot. I understand.

[pippy longstocking]

Well, it hasn’t been only but two days that I have been chatting with this guy and he’s telling me: I am going to show you/teach you how to love, you are going to be so in love with me that it’ll drive you crazy, not even when I’m busy you will be #1, I am nothing like your exes or the guys you talked to (I haven’t even told him anything about me being cheated on nor my trust issues), and some more stuff.

 

Oh I would so love a little pup to try this cringy bull sh1t with me

 

 

I wouldn't take F/B too seriously , we all get pm's from random men , it is what social networking is ...

 

I got a pm of a friends brother the other day ..it took 4 messages before it got to the smut ( On his part ) , I told him I would rather have a fish supper and a bottle of crabby's ginger beer and that was the end of that convo ...

 

if it is making you feel stressed and worried then you know it is not the right person/convo/place to be

[Keyman]

Do you have a problem saying no? Such as...'I understand that you want to be in a relationship, have sex, take me to meet you mother, etc, but I am just focussing on myself at the moment.

[Batya33]

Yes, I want to goto college. And I always wanted a long term relationship. I want it to be serious, make sure that we are both on the same page, no games, trust, communication, etc.

 

I would take the time to get far more specific about what all those terms mean to you. (Not to post here- for yourself?). Too easy to throw around overused relationship terms but if you get very specific you'll have much more fun meeting people and a much easier time of it.

[firelily]

Don't talk to these freaks. They don't sound respectful at all. If you're not ready to date now and you're just looking for advice for the future - tell these people to leave you alone, and when you will feel ready to date, you will know what to do

 

But I agree, don't talk to people online, try date offline. Block these people who are "sooo crazy" about you online. It doesn't sound great.

 

And if they will find you beautiful and want to keep meeting you, you will know that you have no reasons to feel ugly or insecure, and everything will be more natural.

[Batya33]

Don't talk to these freaks. They don't sound respectful at all. If you're not ready to date now and you're just looking for advice for the future - tell these people to leave you alone, and when you will feel ready to date, you will know what to do

 

But I agree, don't talk to people online, try date offline. Block these people who are "sooo crazy" about you online. It doesn't sound great.

 

And if they will find you beautiful and want to keep meeting you, you will know that you have no reasons to feel ugly or insecure, and everything will be more natural.

 

I would use on line sites only as a way to establish a first contact, do a safety screening, have a phone call and meet in person ASAP. Move on ASAP from people who just want to chat/flirt on line.