Need Women's opinion( Long story)

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I think I may have set myself back with my ex. The story is that we were dating last year for 6 months. We also work together. As we were dating we went to lunch every day and also saw each other on the weekends. It was good times. No arguments and I met her parents within 3 months and they invited me to dinner most of the time.

Then in June of last year all of a sudden she got cold and then after 2 weeks over the phone first stating that she wanted to get a house, car and then have a boyfriend. Then when seeing her the next day she stated that she has issues and felt pressure by her parents in getting married and having kids and I was always around.(Yes she still lives at home- she is going to be 29 in 8 days and I am 42). We even had planned the vacation back in May but called that off.

So I had left her alone and yes I did the pleading and finding out where we stand. She stated to strecth out a bit longer. So finally I had asked her one last time by advice of my counselor to find out where we stood and she just started to scream at me and falling apart and I told her she is running from something and she denied it. She told me I was harassing her and don;t contact her EVER AGAIN. So I told her OK, YOUR LOSS NOT MINE. She feel apart even more and when I returned told her I will return the things she gave me. She fell apart even worse and starting screaming and went back in the parking to cry since I saw her with a napkin in her hand when coming in the building.

 

So for 3 months from August till November there was no contact at all between us. Was it hard? Yes it was. She would avoid walking by my desk and when I left the building I would not look at her nor she would not park next to me even though there was a parking space. Then all of a sudden in November she attempted to talk to me and inform me about a detective looking around my vehicle and found out through other sources that she jumped at the chance to volunteer to tell me this. She had a quiver in her voice and kinda scared about telling me but afterwards she talked normal.

Then before Turkey day I had my coworker who is 24 go into my truck. She did not like that because when we left she looked down and when I came back from lunch she avoided looking at me including leaving the building for the day. Then in Dec she called my ext and wanted me to do investigation on her ex-boyfriend so I did and gave her the info. She even asked how my xmas was.

 

Then in January she told me that she was starting school and she made the attempt to talk to me and if I ignored her she would walk by my desk (because she has to log into the computer) and either say something like wake up if I had my head down reading or knock on my cubicle or if she wanted to ask a question she would. She even informed me about her dad in a motorcycle accident.

 

Then Februray I had a migraine at work and found out she wanted to drive me home but could not find anyone to cover her and she did admit to me she wanted to do it. She came up to me ask how I was feeling and said fine and I asked her she could have called me to find out. She said Well I deleted your number because I was pissed at you. I gave her my number. During the month of February she would make the attempt to talk to me and if I did not pay attention she would make sure to let me know. I asked her to lunch and she said she will let me know and I said ok. During the month she asked me if I would like to come with her to exchange the laptop with her since she felt that she was going to be taken advantage of. Good thing I did they did try and kept looking at me thinking it was my computer.

After that she appreciated and said to me when she goes car shopping and house shopping she will take me with her.( I was shocked) Then in March she wanted me to do some research on her mustang for the side skirt and I did and she forgot about my bday when I mentioned it and yes she can be forgetful, but so far she has made every attempt to talk to me.

I would not say anything to her at all or if she saw me in the break room she would. I even had my hairdresser come up to my workplace and take me out for my bday the before and she did not like that. When she called me she said a visitor was here and demanded that I come up here and found out her face was red and flustered and when my hairdresser hugged me and gave me a present. That seemed to wake her up and still made even more conversation to talk to me. Then in April out of the blue she called me from another ext and asked me if I want to join her for lunch and I did. She told me about her dad and the court case, and why she took off the week before etc and sharing information with me. I said thank you for lunch and she said I remember that you wanted to go to lunch.( remember that was over a month ago also). So there was a couple of times we were talking from our vehicles and she shared me more information and that she sits at home and she is getting fat she feels( 5ft 10 and 107 pounds). Then I stated does she eat pasta and she loves it and told that I should try going to this place for pasta and she is dying to go back. So I asked her what she is doing for bday and she said she is not sure if she is going out of town( by herself0 but her parents are taking her out on Sunday and I said what about Saturday. She said she will let me know. So then on Friday I asked her to lunch and she came and she said she was thinking of going to the ford mustang drag race and told her if she decides call me. She said that I can go and I said ok. She said that she might be busy and not sure if she is going to go to there or not.

 

So far she has not called me on the weekends to do anything, but then she shares info with me. She has told me she wants to get the house but on her salary she cannot do it. That is why she is going back to school for interior design.

 

She was living with her ex boyfriend from the age of 21 till age 24 and has been living at home since then. Her ex treated her bad, by expecting her to cook dinner, not having money when going out to eat but has money for his beer and she has lend him money which was a huge amount. According to some sources that she did fall hard for this guy and afraid to get into another one before she met me.

 

First of all if she wants to be friends don;t you think she would have said that by now? IF she does I will tell her flat out no.

Why the comment of her taking me with car and house shopping?

Is she confused and scared or does not know what she wants?

I do know there is feelings for me and if there wasn;t then she would not have fallen apart in the beginning nor even want to drive me home or share info, Correct?

Yes I have seen her confidence level rise and she says Thank you alot now then before.

Did I ask too much from her about the Bday, going the car show if she was going to call me.

She knows also that I will be leaving the company and when I did mentioned about the interview she got quiet, but however she is looking also to leave.

 

Did I set myself back on the lunch because I feel confused. The bday will be the tell tale on what she is going to do. I asked her once that is it. The ball is in her court. I truly care for this lady. No, she is not seeing anyone at all. I even saw one day at the lake and the next workday she mentioned and sounded excited to tell me that she saw me.

 

I would like women opinion's on this. If you want you can email me at email removed

[aug104evr]

I hate to say it but I think she's using you as back up. What I mean by that is you have a lot of qualities that she likes but on the flip side you don't. When she talks to you and makes it seem like she's still interested it's to keep you holding on. I grew up with a lot of guy friends and watched women play their games. ( That's not to say guys don't) There is the door mat. Nice guys do not finish last door mats do. You walk all over them and they ask for more. That's not you. Then there's the JUST IN CASE guy. That unfortunately would be you. Just in case I get bored,lonely, jealous,frisky. The JUST IN CASE guy is liked but not enough. I hope that you move on before she hurts you again. The biggest problem I had reading your post was the harassment and forgetting your birthday. First she didn't come right out and tell you to buzz off, so in order to find out what is going on you call her. all to get your harassing her? And you do not forget anyones bday especially if you want them back. I hope you move on and find someone else. You sound like a good guy and I wish you the best. By the way I am 29 so it's not age.

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aug104evr

I read your reply and I find it interesting. Well when I sent her a Bday card and after that I sent her a letter in telling her how I felt I got the bday card returned and when I called her on it at work she snapped at me stated it was an attempt to get back together and she is sending the other letter back but even though she opened it and read it she is still sending back. She told me that I AM BOTHERING HER. I was shocked. My friends said Just leave her alone. That kind of reaction is extreme but also could be manic depressive. So a week later she seeked me out and she came up to me and she just started to talk about her dads court case it was dismissed and I was real short with her and had an attitude. Since then there has been no contact and now she parks 5 spaces away instead of 8. Everybody says once you leave the job that she will come and seek me out again because I am not around. Right now I am not even thinking of her and just thinking of getting a new job etc. But friends say if she does come around be prepared on it because even if you dont tell her that you have left she will find out the info and seek you.

Someone also said she was hurt from the 1st relationship that she still has the wall up and feel that she probably does not deserve this.

I guess maybe having an attitude and being mean to her might do the trick but that is not my nature. The Bday card being returned really hurt and then come up to me a week later and tell me about her dads court case and act like nothing happen, that part I don;t get.

[aug104evr]

I'm glad you are staying away from her. It sounds like this girl has a lot of problems and you don't need that. It's great that you care about her and want to help her but I don't think your the one to do it. I know that she will contact you after you leave your job. I'll wager some money that if you just lied and said your seeing someone else she'll contact you. And more than likely she will be mega &^%$## or super sweet. That is until she finds out your still single. I think she lets you off the leash just so far and then pulls you back in. Sorry such a bad analogy. No offense but I've seen it before. You said your 42. Move on and do things for yourself. You don't want to wake up in a year or two kicking yourself in the tush for wasting your time. Find someone who makes you happy

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aug104evr:

 

Yes, your right about that she probably will contact me when I leave my job and I am trying my best to get my life together in getting a job and looking.

I know she has told me that she gets jealous and your right she will get mad or sweet. Yes once we were dating she knew a woman was looking at me or at least intersted and she did not like that. She said she gets jealous easily. Interesting. So your right she will seek me out.

 

Your right about helping her. She has to do it herself and figure this out and your right she has major problems it seems to go off like that, it is shocking. But hey cannot force a person to get help if they don;t want to.

 

I appreciate your input.