Need advice - Lack of communication from boyfriend

[iman]

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and we don't have many other main issues apart from communication.

We're long distance and see each other around once a month, sometimes once every two months so for me communication is so important to keep our relationship going strong. Personally I would love to talk to him every day for at least 10 minutes on the phone just to see how his day was/have a general catch up. However, he has told me that for him, constant communication is not something he's very good at and he has said that he could go even a week without feeling the need to talk (i found this so strange) but he has also told me that he loves me very much and not to take this a sign that he doesn't love me.

 

I have made my feelings clear to him that ideally I would like to talk to him at least once every other day on the phone just to catch up. However, he has recently gone off the radar for three days (he is on holiday at the moment so I was thinking about letting this slide as I know how much he loves his time with his friends). However, I'm scared that I won't be able to deal with this in the long run and I'm also scared that the more I mention this to him, the more put off he'll be of me and feel a sort of obligation to talk to me when he doesn't want to.

 

How do I go about this? Considering I hardly see him as it is, I really don't think I'm asking for too much. In my eyes, if we hardly see each other and also go 3-4 days without saying anything to each other, I end up feeling very distant from him and it doesn't feel like much of a relationship. Any advice?

[Andrina]

I can't imagine a guy who loved me wouldn't want to talk to me at least once a day, because I know I'd look forward to speaking to him. When a relationship leaves you so regularly upset and frustrated, it means it's not the right one for you. It takes a really committed couple to make an LDR work. He doesn't sound committed. If it were me, I'd end it and seek a local bf by joining meetups.com as a start. Take care.

[DancingFool]

Some people are like your bf, the need to be in constant contact is pretty low and by that I mean not required at all. I'm kind of like that myself and I invariably end up dating guys who are more like you - need to touch base daily. Talking about your disparate needs and arriving at some compromise is important. I would also suggest that you call him rather than putting it on him to call you (except when you know he is traveling and busy). Personally, I like that and it has always worked out for us better that the person who needs to talk more simply reaches out. Left to myself, I probably won't even think about calling them for several days, BUT when they call, it's not a chore, it's nice and we talk.

[j.man]

What's the endgame to your LDR? Are either of you going to end up at the other's location at some point?

 

When either my fiancee or I travel apart from each other, which is frequently, I, similar to your boyfriend, don't feel much of a need to regularly communicate, granted that's really with or without traveling. One thing you said that's very telling is, "considering I hardly see him as it is." In your mind, you can sorta "make up" for a lack of physical presence with a phone conversation. For people like him and myself, it serves as absolutely no substitute. We're far apart and that's where my mind adjusts accordingly.

 

To be honest, I think that's the only way I can see 95% of long-distance relationships working. It's not as much about building a strong relationship from afar as it is neither person being terribly interested in dating locally and circumstances aligning where you two happen to physically come together.

 

I don't know. Phone/text communication styles are tricky enough to navigate when you do happen to live near each other, never mind when the phone is all you have. If you're not getting your fix of phone calls, it sounds like that's that. Your entire relationship is literally you two not being compatible with your communication styles. What's the point?

[ThatwasThen]

I end up feeling very distant from him and it doesn't feel like much of a relationship.

That's because its not much of one.

 

You sound like eff buddies to be honest if he doesn't talk to you regularly and you only see him once every couple of months.

 

Why are you in this type of relationship at all? Is there an ending the long distance in sight or is this going to just be an ongoing thing?