Jump to content

mum hanging out with my friends!


Recommended Posts

Right here goes!

My dad left my mum just over a year ago. I felt sorry for my mum as she has no friends so I invited her to come join myself and my bf and a few friends of mine to come out Friday nights for drinks down my local. This went on for a few months and I was glad my mum was getting out as I knew she was very lonely. A few months later I found out I was pregnant so obviously I calmed down on going to the pub but my mum continue to go gown there and a day in the week too. Now she's messaging my friends all the time and pictures on fb of her with my best mates. She even talks to me like there her friends as I'd I don't know them. Thing is that she get silly drunk to the point she doesn't know what's going on and people are laughing at her ....shes 73. I just feel like I have nothing for me anymore I see her everyday and if I don't check in with her she's constantly calling me and now shes all over my best friend especially! I'm finding all this very weird. I think she need to break away from my side and make some friends or interest of her own? How do I bring up the conversation with her without upsetting her? Am I sounding unreasonable here? Help!

Link to comment

No not as such. Think there being polite cos she's my mother. Thing is I'm 36 she's 73. Im sure most people wouldn't want to be hanging around with there parents 24/7. She sometimes belittles me in front of them. I do love my mum. But Im not happy with her messaging my best girlfriend and making plans with her tbh

Link to comment

I'd be a little concerned too, mostly just that she might get too used to turning to booze and the pub to fill this gap in her life. But she's an adult and how she behaves is her concern, unless it starts to directly impact you in a hurtful way.


Congrats on your pregnancy. Maybe with the baby coming, you can steer her towards other things with you that are out of the pub too? She's gonna be a grandma and that will probably bring her a lot of joy.


I'm imagining fun things i'd do with my mom if she were around to share with me the coming of a grandbaby. Swimming at the pools, shopping trips, so many things.


Like pip said, I'd probably let it phase out and focus on all the good things you two have to share right now ....

Link to comment
She sometimes belittles me in front of them.


This would be the only thing I'd address with her. "Mom, I adore you, and I'm proud that our relationship usually reflects the mutual love and respect we hold for one another. So it surprised me last night when you said, "xyz" in front of people.


[Let her respond and don't negate her response.]


Reply, "I understand you meant no harm, but I'd consider it a personal favor if we can both keep our comments toward one another at the same level of respect we'd demonstrate toward any other adult in the room. Would you please agree to that with me?"


Otherwise, I'd credit my fully grown friends as capable of distancing themselves from Mom if they so desire, and I'd offer each, privately, a gentle permission to do so should they ever wish. I'd make plans to meet each friend or several at other locations for some variety (and time away from Mom). Meanwhile, I'd work out arrangements with a local car service or adult care agency to meet Mom's needs in getting home safely on her big nights out.


I'd also consider exploring more healthy pursuits with Mom, such as a local class or club or creative interest where she could meet and engage with others one a sober level.


Head high, you're a good daughter for supporting Mom's social life.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...