"No Contact". Are these breadcrumbs??? I need prospective!

[Mandala]

On the other hand if she wen't along with it, and gave me the space I would feel more warm and actually get back in touch sooner lol

 

Haha. See??? At the end NC seem the best way to handle things!

 

While I was writing this message I felt the urge to check Facebook because I saw a few minutes ago that he was online and guess what?... He wrote me again!

I have a problem handling these things because I don't what's a reasonable time for me to:

1 Read the message (because if course he will see that)

2 When (and how) to respond

 

I feel like a ten years old. It really takes a lot of practice to change habits when they are aligned with your character. Ugh!

What should I do?

[Mandala]

On the other hand if she wen't along with it, and gave me the space I would feel more warm and actually get back in touch sooner lol

 

I meant when they are NOT aligned with your character...

[Schockobaerin]

On the other hand if she wen't along with it, and gave me the space I would feel more warm and actually get back in touch sooner lol

 

Woah93 If I remember correctly you were 3 weeks NC or not?? Keep posting your success story, but remember BE CAREFUL Im happy for you

[Mandala]

Update:

Sep 13th (yesterday) he sent me a message on Messenger in the early evening. I didn't read it.

Exactly three hours later he liked another one of my pic on FB.

 

Sep 14th (today) I've read his message, it said "You forgot about me already, haven't you?"

I waited a couple of hours and responded "No, but I respect your decision and I hope you are happy". He said "I don't know what to do, but I can't get you out my heart".

I responded "Only you can know what you want".

That was half an hour ago, he didn't read it yet.

 

How did I handle this in your opinion? And what do you think of it?

[Woah93]

Woah93 If I remember correctly you were 3 weeks NC or not?? Keep posting your success story, but remember BE CAREFUL Im happy for you

 

Turns out it's not a success story really, I am getting the "I love you I miss you I wish you were here, but I'm so broken and screwed up inside that I can't be with you"

There is a difference now though, I felt it during our talks when yet again I got slung back and forth, now I didn't feel much pain or disappointment, I kept being exactly the way I was and was able to say "You know what? I still care for you and love you, I hate to see you struggling like this, you know what I want and it is what it is" and I actually felt detached from the outcome and able to respond in a kind manner. I noticed she was very confused by this attitude and now she seems to be seeking my attention, I think she wants to see me suffer for her, or to see me angry, I'm not going to give her that anymore.

[Schockobaerin]

Turns out it's not a success story really, I am getting the "I love you I miss you I wish you were here, but I'm so broken and screwed up inside that I can't be with you"

There is a difference now though, I felt it during our talks when yet again I got slung back and forth, now I didn't feel much pain or disappointment, I kept being exactly the way I was and was able to say "You know what? I still care for you and love you, I hate to see you struggling like this, you know what I want and it is what it is" and I actually felt detached from the outcome and able to respond in a kind manner. I noticed she was very confused by this attitude and now she seems to be seeking my attention, I think she wants to see me suffer for her, or to see me angry, I'm not going to give her that anymore.

 

Im so sorry, yeah I know very well that reply... Answer: Go NC again, she is playing hot and cold with you.. At least is very good you dont feel that much pain or disapointment Exactly that should be your attitude, keep doing and be strong

[Schockobaerin]

Update:

Sep 13th (yesterday) he sent me a message on Messenger in the early evening. I didn't read it.

Exactly three hours later he liked another one of my pic on FB.

 

Sep 14th (today) I've read his message, it said "You forgot about me already, haven't you?"

I waited a couple of hours and responded "No, but I respect your decision and I hope you are happy". He said "I don't know what to do, but I can't get you out my heart".

I responded "Only you can know what you want".

That was half an hour ago, he didn't read it yet.

 

How did I handle this in your opinion? And what do you think of it?

 

OMG DEar, keep being indifferent to him, he is trying to get your attention, and you are answering wonderfully, make him wait and just short and sharp answers.. Dont let him play hot and cold with you.. Stop writing But it sounds that he misses you, make him not only miss you but want you and for that you must be strong

[Helpmesavethis]

Any response yet? Like said above, make him work for it. Don't be too available for him... Short and to the point replies... Stay strong!!!

[Mandala]

OMG DEar, keep being indifferent to him, he is trying to get your attention, and you are answering wonderfully, make him wait and just short and sharp answers.. Dont let him play hot and cold with you.. Stop writing But it sounds that he misses you, make him not only miss you but want you and for that you must be strong

 

Thank you darling, I agree.

I saw that he read the message, but he didn't get back to me (he should be working right now, but I don't expect for him to answer anyway).

I'm glad you liked my responses... it's hard for me to be this detached while my heart is screaming differently, but I think I'm slowly learning...

I still have no idea what he's thinking and what are his fears but yes, it does look like he misses me. I saw he checked FB at 4.30am last night and -if I know him enough- he went to see if I answered (which I didn't at the time).

He used to be pretty anxious and insecure for most of our relationship about me responding to him, because I used to let him hang a lot and wait -or forgot- to get back to him at times... (I wasn't playing games, I was just not that into it at the time, and he knew). He would get back to me asking why I was ignoring him and he would call me repeatedly.

It kind of seems like his old ways are slowly coming back, but I still don't want to get my hopes high. I'm actually pretty scared to let my guard down.

[Mandala]

Any response yet? Like said above, make him work for it. Don't be too available for him... Short and to the point replies... Stay strong!!!

 

Thank you, I will!

No, he didn't respond. He's working and I honestly think he won't. It wasn't really a question, it was mostly something I said to provoke his thoughts and imply that I was not gonna play the nurse for him. It was VERY hard to give him that answer, because I was ready to open my first aid kit and fix the situation! -a classic for me-. Though I'm happy I didn't. I think I valued myself in that way... (it's scary though!)

[becksy]

I just read this entire thread. Its like a suspense novel and I am left with a cliffhanger of an ending. What is happening now, Mandala?

[Mandala]

I just read this entire thread. Its like a suspense novel and I am left with a cliffhanger of an ending. What is happening now, Mandala?

 

Haha! I know Becksy, it IS a suspense novel!

 

Update:

...He read the message later, but didn't say anything.

 

Sep 14th: during the evening his sister contacted me on Messenger after weeks that I haven't talked to her. We chatted, but didn't mention him. I don't know if he was behind this or not, but I found it a bit strange -because of the timing-. She was really nice.

 

Sep16th: Me, him and two other friends of ours (another couple) who spent the vacation with us have a group on WhatsApp. We don't communicate much anymore through it, but the last two times the conversation was initiated by him (the last time was on the same day that he told me he misses me too much). I know for a fact that when he thinks about them, he thinks about me. We all had a great time together on our adventurous vacation. I'm explaining all this because I think sending messages to them, knowing that I was going to read them, was another one of his attempts to get my attention. Anyway, I waited to read them and got back to them this morning. I completely disregarded what he said and just answered to our friend. He then send emojis that expressed 'doubt' about my answer. I read it, but of course I didn't say anything.

That was a couple of hours ago.

 

Also, yesterday afternoon, right after sending those messages, he liked another one of my posts on FB which included two pics of my kids.

 

...the saga continues...

 

I'm feeling a bit better, I don't know where all of this is going, but I'm occupying my time, so hopefully I'm starting to get a bit of a grip on my emotions.

I have the feeling that he's still trying to figure out where I'm at -and what he wants-, and I think he doesn't call me because he might be scared or wouldn't know what to tell me since he's still undecided.

I also don't have a plan. I haven't contacted him since Aug 28th (with the exception of the day of the hurricane) and as you can see in a way or in the other he has been giving me signs on a daily basis. I don't know what he's doing, but I do know that I will not stop NC any time soon.

 

So, how are you liking the saga??? Reviews are very welcomed.

[becksy]

Oh Mandala. thank you for the update. I, too, am struggling with all this and I have enjoyed and been helped by, this thread. After a very intense and enchanting 3 months with someone, he -- one day -- emailed to say his feelings had changed. I will never understand how things change so fast, but I do know it is something that must be accepted. I thanked him for the good times and wished him well and asked for no contact for a while to allow me to internalize what had happened. Nevertheless, he sends crumbs. He is a sensitive and dear man and I feel certain he does not want to cause further pain, but given my age -- late sixties -- I understand it is probably just his guilt he is trying to expunge. I respond politely, but have never had hope that his feelings would change yet again, and if they did, what would that say about him? Life can be so glorious and so bewildering. There has been lots of good advice in these threads and in time, clarity will prevail. Thank you so much.