Operation and then a break up

[Broke123]

So my gf and I were together 2 and a half years long distance. We were each other's first love and first everything else. We met in university but she had to return to her home country. Most of our relationship was long distance.

 

We tried to see each other every three months or so. We had some amazing experiences and travelled a lot together in our prospective countries. I met her whole family and she met mine.

 

Things had been a little up and down but I truly loved her. I put so much into trying to make her happy and keep the relationship fresh. We talked every day. I was there for her and tried to be supportive. I was always the emotional one so sometimes I cried and couldn't control it if we had a minor argument. Im a sensitive soul.

 

She was waiting to hear if she had got a place at a university in my town here. Finally I thought we could be together- I had even helped her with the application and supported her choices. I thought ok things have been rocky recently but if she comes here we can give this a true go and see if it's really meant to be.

 

I was also due for a major operation that summer. I had the operation. She had been distant during this time..

 

I thought ok let's wait and see if she gets her university place.

A week and a half after I came out of hospital she called me- she got word that she got the place. She would be moving to my area. But she did not love me the same way anymore. She still wanted to be friends.

 

7 weeks later and she's arriving here. I'm stuck with questions as the main reasons she gave for falling out of love is distance. I can't walk or do to much without help. I'm on the road to recovery but it will be another 5 months before I am back to normal physically.

 

And on top of the physical pain and challenge of my operation I have to deal with this massive emotional blow.

 

She's message me quite a few times and has made it clear she wants to be friends. I have no idea how to pick myself up from this. It's destroyed me because I truly love her. I can't move on because I have so much anger and sadness but also confusion over the whole thing. It seemed sudden and her reasons don't make sense to me. She's younger than me by 3 years and I think this makes a difference in your 20's. So maybe she's just being young in the way she's gone about it. But I am away from work and friends whilst I recover so I am not in my normal life right now which makes it harder. All I have is time to think.

I have been ignoring her most recent messages because I can't bring myself to respond and I'm just to messed up and angry. I don't want things to end like this.

 

I don't know how to move on...and I don't know how to make peace with it...and I still care about her...but I'm mad at her

[Andrina]

I'm sorry you're in pain, both physically and emotionally. Just know it's not too common to marry your first love. Most people have many relationships before they settle down. You speak of everything you did for the relationship, but there is not one mention of how she contributed. You're too close to the situation now to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I predict one day when you find the special one for you, you will realize that it was best that the subpar relationship didn't work out.

 

So you don't have close friends who would be visiting you when you're recovering? Did you let friendships slide when in the relationship? If so, vow not to make a woman the sole center of your universe in the future. I would send her one final message saying that you need closure and you need to go no contact for your own benefit. You need to move on and you won't be able to do that when she keeps popping up in your world. Nor will it be a good idea since your future gf won't appreciate you communicating with an ex, especially one you didn't want to end it with.

 

Try a new hobby while recuperating, like painting or computer graphics, or anything you can do with your limitations. You will eventually finish mourning this relationship, but it takes time. Take care.

[Broke123]

I'm sorry you're in pain, both physically and emotionally. Just know it's not too common to marry your first love. Most people have many relationships before they settle down. You speak of everything you did for the relationship, but there is not one mention of how she contributed. You're too close to the situation now to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I predict one day when you find the special one for you, you will realize that it was best that the subpar relationship didn't work out.

 

So you don't have close friends who would be visiting you when you're recovering? Did you let friendships slide when in the relationship? If so, vow not to make a woman the sole center of your universe in the future. I would send her one final message saying that you need closure and you need to go no contact for your own benefit. You need to move on and you won't be able to do that when she keeps popping up in your world. Nor will it be a good idea since your future gf won't appreciate you communicating with an ex, especially one you didn't want to end it with.

 

Try a new hobby while recuperating, like painting or computer graphics, or anything you can do with your limitations. You will eventually finish mourning this relationship, but it takes time. Take care.

 

Andrina, firstly I want to thankyou for your thoughtful reply. I very much appreciate it.

 

In answer to a couple of your questions- yep I have had some friends to visit which is good but the experience has certainly taught me who my true friends are in addition. I never let any friendships slide and have worked hard on them but a few good friends have recently moved from the area.

 

I always hoped we could be friends after as we were good friends before we got together. I suppose time will tell because if she meets someone else or starts seeing other people while she is here then she's obviously not someone I would like to see anymore because I would find that a very selfish move. Especially after the two years we put into long distance.

 

Thankyou again for your response

[Hollyj]

You cannot be friends when there are feelings. Period. Plus, she did not sound like any kind of friend/support system while you were together.

 

The fastest way for you to recover, is to tell her that you cannot be friends, as it is too painful. Then, you block and delete.

 

Wishing you a speedy recovery!!!!!

[Broke123]

You cannot be friends when there are feelings. Period. Plus, she did not sound like any kind of friend/support system while you were together.

 

The fastest way for you to recover, is to tell her that you cannot be friends, as it is too painful. Then, you block and delete.

 

Wishing you a speedy recovery!!!!!

 

Thankyou Holly for your response and I will certainly take your advice on board and truly think about it.

 

It's hard to imagine cutting her out permanently- of course I will if she ends up meeting someone here- she will only be in the country for one year.

 

She wasn't supportive recently but she was in some way before that and in the beginning and as friends she was very supportive and thoughtful - would write me long love letters and send flowers and all sorts of stuff over the past two years. But over the past year she's became more selfish and didn't make as much effort as I did. I do not know why but perhaps it was her true personality coming out... it's hard to let go of the past when you have so many memories. Your mind chooses to remember the good times but can often block the bad.