I'm healing, new guy in the picture, but I need advice please!

[idontknowww]

Hello all! (Sorry this will be kind of long) So my on-off relationship finally ended about 7 months ago. Even though I've been doing pretty well in life, I was still SUPER hung up on my ex. In my effort to move on, I got into casual dating about 3 months ago and started hanging with this one guy in particular. I haven't dated properly in a while and with the whole hook-up culture going on, I could use some advice from people more experienced than me. Especially any advice from men will be appreciated.

 

Here's a summary on this guy:

 

Very well educated, has a solid career going, 30 years old.

Always initiates contact, suggests dates, takes me out, ALWAYS picks up the tab.

Always follows up on plans - never cancelled a single date.

Compliments me and tells me how much he likes me.

Explicitly says that we should date. When I hesitated he says "We can make it work." I said I need to think about it.

When I said I was looking for something serious and long-term, he said he's open to that.

All into kisses, hugs, PDA, barely checks his phone when he's with me and remembers everything I say.

 

The biggest surprise has been that i'm moving to a different city in few weeks, and when I told him that.. He said that we can still make it work because it's only 2.5 hours away. He says he is willing to come down there to see me and can have me over at his place when I come to visit. I have expressed some concerns to him that this relationship might have a bleak future because of the distance n all, and he says we'll never know until we at least give it a shot - If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I've been seeing him for 3 months with no sex being in the picture, until last night when I finally started to feel like I could trust him. He hasn't texted me since then, but it's only been 11 hours so I need to give it more time lol.

 

Some concerns:

He told me that he is still on dating apps - which I understand because technically we're not exclusive.

He's still into partying and regularly goes out to party with friends. This is a concern only because I am over the whole party phase now. I'm 27.

I haven't met any of his friends yet - when I told him that, he said we could go out meet his friends this Friday night. But why didn't he introduce me to them himself?

 

I'm really starting to move on from my ex now, but I just feel like i'm being so paranoid with any new prospects because of my brutal break up and having a hard time trusting now. I feel like all men are after only one thing. And maybe this guy has been all this nice to me because I wasn't giving in.. and I'm afraid now he won't text me because he got what he wanted. Is it normal to feel this way? From what I mentioned, is he genuinely interested in a real relationship?? I just don't want to be played again...

[thealchemist]

Well if you have dated for 3 months without sex I doubt he is only after one thing. Unless all his other dating prospects are non existent.

 

I would just say trust your gut feeling here. I think 2.5 hours is a decent commute. I did a 2.5 hour LDR for 2 years and it was rough.

 

If you are still hung up a bit on your ex I do think you will have issues moving forward with any relationship.

 

If you really want to see how it goes just bring up all your concerns that you stated here to him. How he responds to them will be a great indicator of whether you should proceed or not.

 

But LDR suck.

[happyfrank]

Are you attracted to the new guy?

[idontknowww]

Well if you have dated for 3 months without sex I doubt he is only after one thing. Unless all his other dating prospects are non existent.

 

I would just say trust your gut feeling here. I think 2.5 hours is a decent commute. I did a 2.5 hour LDR for 2 years and it was rough.

 

If you are still hung up a bit on your ex I do think you will have issues moving forward with any relationship.

 

If you really want to see how it goes just bring up all your concerns that you stated here to him. How he responds to them will be a great indicator of whether you should proceed or not.

 

But LDR suck.

 

Thanks for your reply! It's hard to believe that he wouldn't have any other dating prospects. He's relatively good looking and a pretty charming guy, also smart and successful. And you're right about bringing up all these concerns to him - which I have done in the past. He always remains so calm with his positive attitude, saying things like we'll never know unless we try to make it work.

 

As far as the ex goes, I'm not too concerned about him. I do still think about him here and there but the emotional attachment is gone. But i'm struggling with the paranoia and some serious trust issues because of past hurt.

[idontknowww]

Are you attracted to the new guy?

 

Yeah I am!

[thealchemist]

Well sounds like a lot of promise as far as matching between you two.

 

The only issue is, is your LDR going to have a finite time? I don't think LDR work unless you know that you will be back together in a certain amount of time.

 

Are you moving back? Or is he able to move there? That is a big part imo.

[figureitout23]

Has he contacted you yet?

[idontknowww]

Well sounds like a lot of promise as far as matching between you two.

 

The only issue is, is your LDR going to have a finite time? I don't think LDR work unless you know that you will be back together in a certain amount of time.

 

Are you moving back? Or is he able to move there? That is a big part imo.

 

Yes you're right LDR is a big part here. I already have trust issues as it is.. being in a LDR I can see it getting worse and just going downhill.

 

 

Has he contacted you yet?

 

Yes he did text yesterday evening and we talked for a bit. He said that he had a great time. He has not scheduled any future dates yet though..