Should we break up?

[Stirfry]

I have been in a relationship with this girl for about 18 months now. Most often things are really great and we have a good time together. But every so often when she drinks, she gets obnoxious and out of hand. She starts targeting me with all kinds of insults. A few days ago she not only targeted me, but she also insulted my father and mother. I have seen past the many times she has sworn at and degraded me, but this time she brought my parents and most importantly, my mother in to it. She called her a and a . I was more angry at her than I have ever been. What should I do? Should I end it for good? Or play it off like I always do when she gets drunk?

[Hollyj]

Of course you end it. You should have ended it when she insulted you.

 

Don't allow people to treat you like this. She also has a problem with alcohol.

[Myxoetech]

That woman has no respect of your family. If she is aware that if she gets drunks thing turned out to worst, then she will avoid alcohol and of course she must know her limit intake.

[MissCanuck]

I would absolutely end it. You need to draw your boundary somewhere, and if she isn't prepared to admit she's a terror when she drinks (and then stop drinking) it's not going to change.

[indea08]

Idk, I've said some pretty stupid things while drunk that made absolutely no sense, because they were 100% untrue. And I'm not saying that as an excuse, I'm just saying it happens. It's probably happened to most of us at least once.

 

The difference is, I stopped getting drunk. I don't like who I am when I'm drunk, I don't like feeling awful for two days afterwards, and I don't like embarrassing myself. Easy decision.

 

If you haven't already, talk to her about how her drunken words have made you consider leaving her. Tell her that the only way you'll stay is if she stops getting drunk FOR GOOD.

 

Yes, she deserves for you to leave her. But you say your relationship is mostly good, and the worst parts are due to alcohol. So, I think removing alcohol should be attempted before ending the relationship. I thank God for my second chance, because without it, I wouldn't be married and my life would be completely different, and no where near as wonderful.

[Stirfry]

As a follow up to my original message, I wanted to include something else. This girl, as a result of her drinking, got a dui probably 10 months ago. She totaled her car, lost her job at the time and had to move in with me temporarily because she couldn't pay for her apartment anymore. Even when I did so much for her at that time she would still get this same way, only enhanced by the depression caused by the recent tragedy of the dui. Each morning after her drunken rages I would tell her what she said and that I would have no more of it. We knew alcohol was the consistent factor, but she never stopped drinking until she was given court ordered alcohol tests on a weekly basis. I'll give her credit, she did really well for several months. She knew she had a problem and worked at it very hard. I would help her with everything, since her transportation and sometimes financial situations were hard. But now she works around those alcohol tests. She will drink the night of the test so she is clean when the next one happens the following week. Things seemed okay with how she behaved while drinking until this night just recently and now I am beginning to think that she hasn't changed at all in the last several months. My heart really goes out to her with her struggles resulting from her mistakes, but it has gotten to a point where my pain has gone on for so long and I just don't know what to do.

[DancingFool]

Sorry just changed my post with the added info. Your gf is a full blown alcoholic. No fixing that until she decides to fix it for real herself. The fact that she has figured out how to go around the tests just goes to show you how deeply addicted she is. As for being dry for a few months. It's actually quite common for alcoholics to pull that off, however, as you can see, it doesn't really last. The addiction is stronger. Honestly, you can only start to have some kind of hope when a person is fully dry for over a year. Even so, life stress can happen and they'll be back on the bottle. Addiction is permanent, the only question is do they have control over it or does it have control over them.

 

In this case.....the addiction is so severe that she really ought to be in extensive, long term rehab facility. Talking over 6 months in rehab.

[thealchemist]

If this ONLY happens with alcohol then I would address that as the issue more than the insults.

 

I think ending a good relationship because of things said under the influence is a bit premature.

 

If she just continues the behavior after you have tried then I can totally understand.

 

But I wouldn't end the relationship because you don't like how she acts when drunk and she continues to drink and act that way. Not because she insulted your family while drunk. It is a big difference in my opinion.

[Random Person]

I'm sorry about the things you have to face but in first place, you've opened her a way. When she insulted first time, you had to make yourself clear then she'd knew that she can't do it again. For a while she insulted just you then family. And then?

 

In short, I really doubt if you can be happy with this girl because things you say kinda points out that you don't like her life-style but like it or not, it's who she is and taking life different than you do. This is the first thing. Second, even if you'd be okay with her alcoholism, in time, it's gonna overwhelm you. There's no possible way to be happy and have calm relationship with an alcoholic. So, my advice would be just leave her and if it's possible don't continue to talk her. Because if she needs somethings, she might knock your door.

[MissCanuck]

She is an alcoholic, OP.

 

These aren't a series of "mistakes"; this is addiction. She has a serious problem with alcohol and should not be drinking at all. The fact that she is drinking despite losing her car, job, apartment and is trying to beat court-ordered testing tells me she has lost all control of her drinking.

 

I would not continue the relationship. Unless and until she gets and stays sober, this behaviour is going to continue and it will continue to negatively affect your well-being. You can't fix this.

[indea08]

OP, after your additional comment, I agree with MissCanuck.

 

This isn't a "whoops, sorry, I got too drunk." This is full blown alcoholism.

 

I'm sorry, but you're going to have to walk away. If and when she gets sober, and stays sober, you can revisit your relationship. (And I'm talking 1+ years in the future.)