Shorthaired Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 For the last year or so, I have been sinking and sinking into deeper depression. I am feeling an ever increasing panic at the prospect that I will never get married or have a family. It literally wakes me up at night and I have these nightmares that I am running and running to catch up with something that's just out of reach. I have had 3 long term relationships in my 20s and early 30s. We weren't compatible but even though I was willing to work on it, the men ended things each time. All 3 of my exes are now happily married with kids. I have been largely single for the last 5 years. I have had 2 mini-relationships during that time (at around 6 months each) that I had to end because of the major deal breakers. In these 5 years, I have done online dating on and off, I have done meet ups, I have joined random social clubs... Nothing has really worked. The pool of single men my age is incredibly small. I don't even have any external standards - I just want to feel that connection. I am attractive, thin, employed and educated. I don't understand why it's this hard. To make things even worse, I am really burnt out from all my efforts to meet men. I took a break from online dating for 2 months and reactivated my profile a week ago. I set up a couple of dates but the prospect of going on another connection-less date filled me with so much dread that I canceled both dates last minute. I am truly at loss at what to do now. Without online dating, I can go for up to 2 years and not meet a man that is single and in my age group. I am also really lonely. Majority of my friends are raising kids and have moved, we seem to have nothing in common anymore. I have a number of superficial friendships with people in their 20s that have a lifestyle more similar to me. I secretly envy how they have all the time in the world that I do not. Largely, it's been such an uphill battle to make friends and meet men that I am simply exhausted. Except I don't have the luxury of being exhausted because each month that ticks by is another month that I am losing. I have tried to think about things logically. I want family and kids but I don't want a child badly enough to have it on my own. I am also not willing to marry just anyone for the sake of having a husband. I need to be in love. I need him to love me too. I don't really know what I am asking. How to find some peace in my situation? Any people that have been through this and come through on another end? Should I grit my teeth through yet more horrible online dates that I don't want to go on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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